Interpersonal Communication: Conflict, Nonverbal Cues, and Listening Strategies

Back-Channel Cues

Verbal and nonverbal behaviors such as nodding and making comments-like 'Uh-huh,' 'Yes,' and 'That makes sense'— that signal you've paid attention to and understood specific comments.

Conflict

The process that occurs when people perceive that they have incompatible goals or that someone is interfering in their ability to achieve their objectives.

Kitchen Sinking

When a conflict shifts topic, it can devolve into kitchen-sinking, in which combatants hurl insults and accusations at each other that have little to do with the original disagreement.

Symmetrical/Complementary Relationships

Power may be balanced, resulting in symmetrical relationships (e.g., friend to friend), or imbalanced, resulting in complementary relationships (e.g., manager to employee, parent to young child).

Demand-Withdrawal Pattern

A pattern in which one partner in a relationship demands that his or her goals be met, and the other partner responds by withdrawing from the encounter.

Deception

The most common form of deception doesn't involve saying anything false at all: studies document that concealment— leaving important and relevant information out of messages — is practiced more frequently than all other forms of deception combined.

Regulative Rules

Rules that govern how we use language when we verbally communicate. They're the traffic laws controlling language use — the dos and don'ts.

Constitutive Rules

Rules that define word meaning: they tell us which words represent which objects.

Sniping

Communicating in a negative fashion and then abandoning the encounter by physically leaving the scene or refusing to interact further.

Skirting

A method in which a person avoids a conflict by changing the topic or joking about it.

Communication Apprehension

Fear or anxiety associated with interaction, which keeps someone from being able to communicate cooperatively.

Linguistic Relativity

The concept that because language determines our thoughts, and different people from different cultures use different languages, people from different cultures would perceive and think about the world in very different ways.

Integrative Agreements

Agreements in which the two sides preserve and attain their goals by developing a creative solution to their problem.

Understand

To pay attention to grasp the message's meaning.

Discern

To focus on tone, sound, or mood cues (e.g., noticing frustration in a voice).

Comprehend

To interpret the actual content accurately.

Analyze

To critically evaluate the message (is it logical, valid, trustworthy?).

Appreciate

To listen for enjoyment, value, or inspiration.

Support

To provide empathy, comfort, or encouragement to the speaker.

Barriers to Cooperative Verbal Communication

Include unclear messages, emotional states, physical distractions, cultural differences, and poor listening skills, which can be overcome by practicing active listening, using simple and clear language, adapting to the audience, seeking and providing feedback.

Ramifications of Verbal Aggression

Breaks down trust, escalates conflict quickly, hurts emotions and self-esteem, can end relationships or reduce cooperation.

Nonverbal communication codes

The various channels we use to send messages without words.

Functions of nonverbal communication

Performs key functions in interactions by repeating, replacing, complementing, accenting, and regulating verbal messages, while also conveying emotions and relational information.

Positive approaches to conflict

Active listening and compromise lead to stronger relationships, problem-solving, and innovation.

Negative tactics in conflict

Yelling, blaming, or avoidance signal a potentially unhealthy or unstable relationship.

Serial arguments

Recurring, unresolved conflicts that cause distress by repeating the same issue without a solution.

Understanding serial arguments

They often stem from underlying emotional issues, communication breakdowns, and unhelpful relationship patterns.

Avoiding approach to conflict

Withdrawing from a conflict, hoping it will resolve on its own or that it isn't important enough to address.

Accommodating approach to conflict

Giving in to the other party's wishes to maintain peace or preserve a relationship.

Competing approach to conflict

Asserting your own point of view and pushing for your own solutions at the expense of the other party.

Compromising approach to conflict

Finding a mutually acceptable solution where both parties give up some of what they want to achieve a partial win.

Collaborating approach to conflict

Working together to find a solution that fully satisfies both parties' concerns and goals.

Functions of listening

Listening to comprehend, discern, analyze, appreciate, and support.

Listening to comprehend

You listen so that you can comprehend (or understand) the information he or she is presenting to you.

Listening to discern

You focus on distinguishing one sound from another to help you decipher something.

Listening to analyze

You carefully evaluate the message you're receiving, and you judge it.

Listening to appreciate

Your goal is simply to enjoy the sounds and sights you're experiencing and then to respond by expressing your appreciation.

Listening to support

To provide support through listening, you must suspend judgment taking in what someone else says without evaluating it, openly expressing empathy.

Ambiguity of nonverbal communication

The ambiguity of nonverbal messages can pose difficulties for interpersonal communication and relationships.

You language

Focuses blame or attention on the other person.

I language

Emphasizes the speaker's own feelings, thoughts, and needs instead of blaming.

We language

Frames issues as a shared concern between both people.

Self enhancing thoughts

Deliberate, encouraging internal thoughts you focus on when you feel yourself getting angry, defensive, or overwhelmed in a conflict.

Impact of self enhancing thoughts on conflict

Reduces escalation: Helps you keep emotions in check so the conflict doesn't spiral.

Dirty secrets

Messages that are truthful but deliberately destructive to the other person.

When dirty secrets come out

Typically surface during escalated conflict, when emotions are running high and one or both people.

Positive conflict

Promotes understanding and forces people to clarify needs, desires, and perspectives.

Inevitability of conflict

Conflict is inevitable in close relationships — differences in values, needs, or expectations will always exist.