love and communication in intimate relationships

conflict

natural in intimate relationships

fighting about sex

 Can result from a disagreement about sex  Can also be used as a “scapegoat” for nonsexual problems

 Can be a cover-up for deeper feelings such as inadequacy

conflicts about sex

its hard to tell during a fight if there are deeper causes

love

\-exists in all cultures,ethnic groups, all orientations

\-dual nature of feeling and activity

feeling and activity

love has a dual nature of

communication

connects sexuality and intimacy

sexual communication

tied to sexual satisfaction

unique

friendship

a strong foundation for strong love relationships

difference between friends and lovers

shared interests and values, acceptance and trust and understanding are essential for friendships

lover relationships involve that as well as passion and emotional intimacy

sexuality and love

intimately related in our culture

our language

connects love and sex

\
how we talk about sex

relationship satisfaction

sexual satisfaction is tied to ______

level of intimacy and relationship duration

correlated with the decision to engage in \n sexual activity

affects engagement in sexual activity

cultural environment and physical enviornment

now the norm

Young adult sex outside of marriage is…

change in value of sex outside marriage due to

 Contraception and abortion \n  Redefined gender roles \n  Alterations in demographics

sex and love

men seperate _____ more than woen

context of a relationship

women value sex more in the….

lesbians

_______ share sex less than heterosexual couples or gay men

love without sex

a purposeful choice rather than a sexual problem

celibacy or asexuality

not having sex volluntatily

are celibate or asexual

4% of men and 14% of women

sternberg triangle

triangle that emphasizes the dynamic quality of love in relationships

intimacy

having a close bond or connection

passion

sexual component of a relationship in the triangle

desition and commitment

mutual understanding of a relationship

first 5 signs of intimacy

Wanting to promote your partner’s welfare
Feeling happiness with your partner
Holding your partner in high regard
Being able to count on your partner in time of
need
Being able to understand each other

last 5 signs of intimacy

Sharing yourself and your possessions with your partner \n Receiving emotional support from your partner \n Giving emotional support to your partner \n Being able to communicate with your partner about intimate things \n Valuing partner’s presence in your life

infant caregiver attachment

 Bond depends on attachment object’s responsiveness

 Infant happier in attachment object presence  Shares discoveries with attachment object. Coos, talks baby talk  Feeling of oneness with attachment object

romantic love

 Feelings are related to lover’s interest \n  Happier when lover is present \n  Shares experiences with lover \n  Lovers coo, talk baby talk \n  Feeling of oneness with lover

infant caregiver and romantic attachment

2 similar attachments

attachment style

endures across ones life

attachment

depends upon security and safety

secure attachments

Find it relatively easy to get close to other people

40% of americans

anxious/ambivalent attachment

Believe that other people didn’t get as close as they themselves wanted

get into new relationships quick

30% of americans

avoidant attachments

Feel discomfort being close to other people

10% or less

often severely abused

unrequited love

love is not returned

would-be lovers in unrequited love

\-may have both positive and intensely negative feelings about their failed relationship

\-feel that the attraction is mutual, that they have been led on, and that the rejection was never clearly communicated

rejectors in unrequited love

feel that they have not led the other person on; moreover, they feel guilty about hurting him or her. Nevertheless, many find the other person’s persistence intrusive and annoying; they wish the would-be lover would simply get the hint and go awa

rejectors view would be lovers

self deceiving and unreasonable

would-be lovers see their rejectors

inconsistant and mysterious

jealousy

\-does not prove existance of love

\------love and this are not necessarily companions

violence

jealousy

jealousy can

destroy or cement a relationship

Jealousy

Aversive response to a real or imagined involvement with a third person

relationship problems

absence of jealousy man indicate _____

commitments

jealousy occurs when there are ___ in a relationship

unreasonable or realistic

jealousy can be…

managing jealousy

 Dealing with irrational suspicions can be difficult

 Can work on underlying causes of our insecurity

 If jealousy is well-founded, relationship may need to be modified or ended

 Jealousy can be the catalyst for change

extramarital sex

having a romantic or sexual relationship outside the current relationship that also violates the explicitly or implicitly sexual exclusivity expectation

four factors of extramarital sex

 Stronger sexual interests \n  More permissive sexual values \n  Greater sexual opportunities \n  Weaker marital relationships

intimate love

Each person knows they can count on the other

commitment

Based on conscious choices rather than transitory feelings

caring

Involves making another person’s needs as important as your own

self disclosure

Revealing ourselves—our hopes, our fears, our everyday thoughts to deepen understanding and intimacy

communication

a transactional process

 Involves conveying symbols, words, gestures,
movements

communication goal

establishing human contact, exchanging \n information, and reinforcing or changing attitudes and behaviors

cultural context of communication

the language, values, beliefs, and customs in \n which communication takes place

social context of communication

the roles we play in society

psychological context of communication

how people communicate based on their personalities

nonverbal communication

The ability to correctly interpret ________is important in relationships

 Most of our “feeling” communication is ______

important factors of nonverbal communication

 Proximity: nearness in physical space \n  Eye contact: a symbol of interest \n  Touching: signals intimacy, closeness

sexual communication

Our interpersonal sexual scripts provide us with “instructions” on how to behave sexually

sexual communication in beginning relationships

 Halo effect \n  Interest and opening lines \n  In some cases: establishing sexual orientation \n  First move and beyond \n  Directing sexual activity

initiating sexual activity

For heterosexuals: men typically initiate more often \n In same-sex relationships: typically the more emotionally expressive partner initiates

women

send clearer messages to their partners

men more than women

tend to send negative messages or withdraw

set the emotional tone

Women tend to _______ of an argument

style of speaking

Women tend to use more qualifiers in their…

message

what we need to communicate

in a sexual sense boundaries and needs and wants

sender

sends out information

intention mood personality skills

10000

female identified dolfs use ____ more words than males a day

intention

what you want to say

may be difficult or uncomforable

mood

am i in the right state of mind to give or recieve this message

personality

ability to give and recieve messages inside yourself

skills

learning how to own our space and project onto others

do i have the skills to think about my tone as i send and recieve messages

medium

how we send a message

enviornment

where is the best place to send the message

when and where

developing communication skills

Talking about sex
 Keys to good communication
 Self disclosure
 Trust
 Feedback