How to War.

start

Why hello there! I’m sure most of you have heard about war in Iraq, Afghanistsan, Ukraine, etc, etc… An I bet you’re wondering, “How do I war?” Well Sir, all you need to know are these 12 easy steps and you’ll be warring in no time, and hopefully for years to come!

Step 1: Be YOURSELF. People always assume that in order to really war, you have to work at it. You’ll be relieved to know that no, it just comes naturally. No need to try, just be yourself!

Step 2: MEET PEOPLE. Get out there and socialize. Strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know, in a place you’ve never been. Share your views! Try to meet someone “exotic”.

Step 3: Find the differences. When you were talking to that person, did they say something kooky? You wouldn’t say something kooky like that. What do you think made them say something so kooky?

Step 4: EXTRAPOLATE! Make that “kooky” person into a group of kooky people. After all, he must’ve learned his kooky ways somewhere. I bet there’s a whole fleet of kooky people out there just like him.

Step 5: ….Congratulations! You have now successfully identified a whole group of people based on one interaction with one kooky person!

Step 6: GET SCARED! What if those people wanted something from you? What if they moved in next door? What if they forced you to look and talk and think the way they do? You know what, they do! This isn’t a scary idea, it’s a scary reality. How can you sleep at night knowing that?!?

7: GET ANGRY. Wouldn’t YOU?!!!

8: FIND SOME FRIENDS. If you feel this way, you can bet your bippy there are other people out there who are even angrier. Find them, make friends, and have big meetings where you talk about how angry you are about these people. And by the way, stop thinking of them as people. Think of them as…child molesters.

9. GET A COUPLE OF FRIENDS KILLED… they are child molesters that need to be wiped off the face of the Earth!

10: SAY THANK YOU. Nothing encourages important people to act on your behalf like a large check with a hearty “thank you.” If the important people see some large checks, they will start convincing other important people that exterminating these child molesters is the right thing to do.

Step 11: GET SOME MORE POEPLE KILLED… Let it happen. Embrace it. Revel in it. Don’t look now, but you’ve started a war!

Step 12: KEEP-A-GOING! You’ve done the hard part. Keeping a war going is easy. If you’r really lucky you’ll get to destroy stuff, rebuild the stuff you destroyed, and destroy it again! Aleways remember those basic kooky differences you started with, extrapolate, and expand! You’ll be warring for a good long time! Goodbye!

Bye-Bye!

Goodbye!

Goodbye!

Bye-Bye !