Mrs.White in Clue (highschool edition)

Theater, Highschool edition of CLUE

Wadsworth: Welcome

White: Do you know who I am?

Wadsworth: Only that you are a socialite to be known this evening as Mrs. White.

White: yes, It said so in my letter, But why?

Wadsworth: I see you two know each other.

White: We've never met.

Yvette: Champagne?

White: I think not.

Wadsworth: Please, warm yourself in the Lounge.

White: Why, Do i look cold?

noticing Mustard

White: Oh hello

Mustard: Hello, Pleased to meet you

White: I'm rarely pleased to meet anyone. doorbell more?

Peacock: Who are you!

White: Welcome to the party

Wadsworth: Mrs.White

White: yes

Peacock: Mrs. White you have been awfully quite, what does your husband do?

White: Nothing

Peacock: Nothing?

White: Well, he just... Lies around on his back all day

Mustard: Is that an official diagnosis?

White: Are you a doctor, Professor?

Plum: In psychological medicine.

White: Do you practice?

Plum: Not anymore. I currently work for the government.

White: Ah another politician

Plum: Not exactly. I do research for U-NO WHO.

White: Who?

Plum: A branch of the United Nations Organization: the World Health Organization.

White: Ahh. "U-NO WHO". It's an acronym

Scarlett: Hey, i've got an idea

White: Oh yes, good thinking Scarlet

….Is Mr.Boddy himself

White: You think I can't handle a little blackmail?

Wadsworth: Precisely

White: Don't you think that you might spare us this humiliation?

Peacock: How awful! You know, someday there will be a reckoning for men like you!

White: I hope so

Peacock: Now see here-

White: Well, I'm willing to believe you. I too am being blackmailed for something I didn't do.

Wadsworth: Let's see, who's next? Mrs. White, you've been paying our friend the blackmailer ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances.

White: Say what you want I didn't kill him.

Mustard: Then why are you paying the blackmailer?

White: I don't want another scandal, do I?

Plum: Another?

White: We had a very humiliating confrontation. He had threatened to kill me in public.

Wadsworth: I think she meant that he had threatened, in public, to kill her.

White: It was all over the papers

Wadsworth: And yet he was the one who died. Not you, Mrs. White, not you.

White: He was found dead at home. Unclothed. His head had been cut off and so had his.. you know. But I didn't do it. I'd been out all evening, at the movies.

Scarlet: What was showing?

White: The Naked Alibi.

Wadsworth: But he was your second husband. Your first also disappeared.

White: that was his job- he was an illusionist

Wadsworth: But he never reappeared.

White: He wasn't a very good illusionist.

Scarlet: All right, Wadsworth- so we're being blackmailed by a renegade McCarthyist. Where does that leave us?

White: where is this Mr.Boddy?

Boddy: How do you do?

simultaneously with others You‘re such a typical man. Better off dead!

Scarlet: Oooh! Mrs.White in the study with her knee!

Mrs.White: Thank you. I've studied martial arts

Plum: A revolver

White: Ahhhhhh! A snake! Oh, no. It's a Rope.

Boddy: In fact, if you can eliminate Wadsworth...

White: Yes, I think that's what he means.

Lights switch off, Chaos screaming, Gunshot, Boddy lies on the floor face down

White: It's Mr. Boddy!

Plum: He's dead

White: Who had the gun?

Wadsworth: there's no gunshot wound

White: He's right. there isn't

Scarlet: Something else must have killed him

White: One of us must have killed him.

Yvette: Of course I'm alive, you ee-diot! No zanks to you- Wadsworth! You've locked us up in zis house wiz a murderer!

white: so the murderer is here?

All: Boddy's body

White: But, Yvette, why were you screaming in there, all by yourself?

Green: who else could it have been?

White: Who else is in the house

The cook's body dagger in her back stumbled out onto green

White: It's the Cook!

Mustard: I said "if." There's only one admitted killer here, and it's not me. It's Mrs. White!

White: I've admitted nothing

Mustard: You paid the blackmail. How many husbands have you had?

White: Mine or other women's

Mustard: Yours

White: five

Mustard: Five?

White: Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex - soft, strong, and disposable.

Peacock: Nobody. No body. Mr.Boddy's body. It's gone!

White: Maybe he wasn't really dead

Plum: He was!

White: we should have made sure

Scarlet: who would move him?

White: and why?

Wadsworth: Sorry

White: Mrs. Peacock?

peacock: yes?

White: Where did this happen?

Peacock: In the bathroom! I opened the door and there he was! At first, I thought he was attacking me, but then I realized he'd been left propped up against the door frame, dead, just waiting to fall on someone.

White: Who would do such a thing?

Green: I didn't know it was a murder weapon when I dropped it!

white: So anyone could have picked it up?

scarlet: Boddy's briefcase is locked.

White: there must be a key

Mustard: Solid battlefield technique, Professor Plum. never leave a man behind.

White: cadavers are heavier than they seem, aren't they?

Wadsworth: I wouldn't know.

White: Right. Me neither.

Green: Upsy daisy

White: Here, prop her up.

peacock: Aren't you all strong and virile?

White: Good. They just look asleep.

Wadsworth: then we"ll zip up the bag

White: Most murderers know how zippers work, Mr. Wadsworth.

Plum: Is that an original trumbull, Mr. Wadsworth?

White: Those are quite valuable.

PLUM: Yes! We'd want to keep him outside, wouldn't we? If we open the door we risk letting him back in.

White: But maybe, if we open the door, we'd encourage the killer to go out!

Green: Was that the killer?

White: he didn't look like a killer

focus shifts to WHITE and WADSWORTH, now alone in the Hall facing two doors

White: Go on. I'll be right behind you

Wadsworth: that's why I'm worried

white: but why? It's just us. We're alone

Wadsworth: that's just it, Mrs.White. No man in his right mind would ever be alone with you.

White: Fine. You go in there and I'll go in here.

they (Wadsworth and White) go to two doors, they don't enter

White: Are you going in?

Wadsworth: Yes are you?

White: yes.

Wadsworth: On the count of three. One... Three!

White: Nothing in that room.

wadsworth: northing in that room either

White: shall we search the ballroom

Peacock: let there be light!

White: Shhhh! Do you hear that?

Wadsworth: We should be safe here in the Billiard room

White: I don't feel safe

Mustard: Bravo!

White: Impressive, Wadsworth.

Mustard: It was Mrs. White, in the Billiard Room, with the rope!

White: I'd rather die!

Mustard: I found your veil in the Billiard Room! I saw how you cringed tonight when Yvette served you dinner.

White: Yes, It's true, I knew Yvette... She had a torrid love affair with my late husband. I hated her. I hated her SO MUCH. It... It... the FLAMES. On the side of my face. Breathing. HEAVING breaths... But just because I hated her, doesn't mean I killed her!

Chief: Yes, well, I'm saying it now. Mark M'Words, Chief of Police. Mrs. White...

White: It happened like this...

Wadsworth: Mrs.White who you accuse

White: It was MRS.PEACOCK, IN THE KITCHEN, WITH THE DAGGER! I found your feather by the corpse!

Scarlet: Nobody's called the police, have they?

White: The police were never on their way

Green: But this notarized record from the Cook will. And Mrs. White... You weren't lying, were you? You really did hate Yvette.

White: Flames...Flames on the side-

Green: OK, we get it. Here's a container holding fingerprints collected at the scenes of your previous murders-

White: I never murdered my husbands!

Green: ...fingerprints I'm sure the FBI will be able to match to those found on the noose tied around Yvette's neck.

White: I wore gloves