Chapter 10:Dynamics of interpersonal relationships

similarity thesis

strongest determinate of relationship formation is similarity to another person

social exchange theory

Communicators seek out people who can provide rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs they encounter in dealing with the relationship

Tangible rewards

nice place to live, high paying job

Intangible rewards

emotional support

costs

• undesirable outcome

• rewards minus costs= outcomes 

example of costs 

emotional pain 

Comparison Level(CL)

minimum standard of what behavior is acceptable is a relationship 

Comparison level of alternatives (CLalt)

comparison between the rewards one is receiving in a present situation and those one could expect to receive in others 

relational maintenance

communication aimed at keeping relationships operating smoothly and satisfying 

initiating stage

• 1st stage

• interactants express interest in one another 

• basically saying “I am a friendly person and I’d like to get to know you.”

experimenting

• early stage 

• searching for common ground

• if successful, the relationship progresses to inyensifying; if not, it may go no further. 

intensifying

• interactants move towards integration by their high amount of contact and breadth and depth of their self-disclosure

• BFF stage

• starstruck gazes

• catching feelings  

integrating

• begin to take on identity as a social unit

example of integrating 

• saying we and ours

• sharing a living space

bonding

partners make symbolic gestures to show the world that their relationship exists and a commitment has been made

example of bonding

-engagement/ marriage

differentiating

When partners in a relationship reestablish their individual identities. 

circumscribing

when partners begin to reduce their scope of contact and commitment to each other

stagnating

decreased enthusiasm and standardized forms of behavior 

avoiding

When partners minimize contact with each other. This is the stage right before termination. 

terminting 

• concluding stage of a relationship.

• characterized by acknowledgment of one or both partners that the relationship is over. 

dialectical tensions

conflicts that arise when two opposing or incompatible desires exist together in a relationship 

integration-separation dialectic

tension between the desire for connection with others and desire for independence 

connection-autonomy dialectic

tension between the desire for integration and the need for independence in a relationship

inclusion seclusion dialectic

tension between a couple’s desire for involvement with the other’s “outside world” and their desire to live their own life, free of what can feel like interference from others. 

stability change dialectic 

tension between the desire to keep a relationship predictable and stable and the desire for novelty and change 

predictability novelty dialectic.

with in a relationship tension between the need for a predictable relational partner and one who is spontaneous and less predictable 

conventionality uniqueness dialectic

tension between the need to behave in ways that conform to others’ expectations and the need to assert ones individuality in behaving in ways that validate the others expectations 

expression privacy dialectic

tension between the desire to be open and disclosing and the desire to be closed and private 

openness closdeness dialectic

tension between the desire to be open and honest and the desire for privacy 

revelation concealment dialectic

Tension between a couple’s desire to be open and honest with the outside world and their desire to keep things to themselves 

relational dimension

• make statements about how the communicators feel towards one another 

• deal with one or more social needs 

example of relational dimension

intimacy, respect, control

meta communication

• messages that refer to other messages

• relationship enhancer in face to face communication 

example of meta communication

I wish I could stop arguing so much.

social support

helping others during challenging times by providing emotional, informational, or instrumental resources

relational transgressions

when one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship letting the other one down in some important way 

social vs relational

Some transgressions violate social rules/norms, while others violate relational norms, which are unique norms constructed by the people involved. 

deliberate vs unintentional 

revealing something about someone on purpose vs on accident 

one time vs incremental

most obvious (single episode), like verbal assault or betrayal. while with drawing emotionally would be incremental, sence it is happening over a period of time