Tigers Be Still - Joseph

And the first thing that happens at my first job is an emergency assembly.

Check one. Check One

The Assembly is called by my first boss, Principal Moore, to alert everyone that -

This morning a tiger escaped from the zoo. Officials have told us that the tiger could be anywhere with a hundred-mile radius. Since this town is within one mile of the zoo, that places us well within the range of “extreme danger.” Here are the things I know about tigers: they are fast, they are big, they are mean and they have stripes. OK. So the question is: What is Oceanside Middle School doing to protect you, the student body? Well, we have canceled recess indefinitely. P.E. classes will focus on indoor sports: basketball, and the other ones. Furthermore, we have three highly trained policemen who will be standing guard outside the school on lookout. We also have three highly trained lunch monitors who will be on lookout inside the school, in case the tiger comes to the cafeteria. And finally, we have instituted a school-wide buddy system so that everyone is accountable to at least one other person.

(Question is asked)

What’s that? Oh. No, I don’t have a buddy. I have a rifle. Any other questions? Ok … Then, uh, have a good day. And try and carry on like normal. (exit).

Joseph sits at his desk eating a sandwich. There’s a knock on the door.

Come in! (Sherry enters. Joseph drops his sandwich and stares at her.)

Hi, I’m Sherry Wickman, Wanda’s daughter?

You look like her. That’s amazing. (Extend hand). Joseph Moore, nice to meet you. I wanted to introduce myself, check in…So? How are the little animals?

How do you know about that?

What?

Oh, you mean the students! They’re great!

And my son?

Well we just had our first class together and I think he’s going to be a real…presence.

Oh good. That’s a relief. To be honest, I was more than a little worried this arrangement would completely blow up in my face! (reaching into his drawer.) Butterscotch?

Also, we had a very productive first art therapy session yesterday in my home office.

You did?

Yes.

Great. Well, thanks for taking him under your wing. I couldn’t let him just sit around this year. That’s no way to get into SUNY Binghamton. My alma mater. It’s the best SUNY. Also, this will help keep him off the streets. There’s a tiger out there. And drug dealers. Say, did you get your buddy? I instituted a school-wide buddy system.

No.

Let’s make Zack your buddy then.

Oh. Ok.

Very good.

Oh, hey, my mom told me to tell you “Hi.”

(Perking up.) “Hi?”

Yes.

Well tell your mother I said…”Hello.”

OK.

Your mother and I go way back, you know.

Yes, I’ve seen the prom picture.

She still has it?

She even has her tiara.

I have my crown!

But if for some reason you start to think that maybe I’m not the best person to work with Zack, I would completely understand-

Oh come on. Have some confidence! What’s with young people today and not having confidence? It perplexes me. Say, “I am Sherry Wickman and I am damn good at what I do.” DAMN good. Punch the damn! Say it.

Ok, can I say it in my mind?`

Nope, say it outloud.

Um, Ok…I am Sherry Wickman and I am good-

AHT AHT!

I am Sherry Wickman and I am DAMN good at what I do!

That’s better! Now hop to it! (They high five and Sherry exits.)

Dinnertime

Do you like it? I know it’s your favorite so I tried to follow your mother’s recipe Only problem was I couldn’t find any basil leaves at the store, so I bought spinach instead. And I may have accidentally doubled the salt. What do you think? (Zack is silent). So how’s it going? Sherry’s nice, huh? Are you enjoying working with her? Is it weird to hear the kids calling you “Mr. Moore”? I know it still sounds weird to me when I hear them call me that. But you get used to it. (Zack is silent.) I thought next week we could donate your mom’s shoes somewhere. And then we could knock down the wall between her shoe closet and your room. Finally give you the big room you always wanted. You’d like that, right?

Not really.

This really would’ve been better with more basil.

I can explain! See, it was a nice day outside and the pond is so close by. I thought it would be a nice change of pace and maybe you know, like more…fun?

Fun?

Yes

Do you know that tigers love ponds?

They do?

Who knows? BUT THEY MIGHT! Sherry - didn’t you hear the lunch monitors yelling at you to come back?

I didn’t realize they were screaming at me. I thought they were screaming at…lunch?

You put an entire class of children in danger. You broke a major school policy.

I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize - I swear - it was just the town pond…Am I being fired?

Oh, wait, don’t, don’t do that. Kleenex?

I didn’t want to endanger the students! I feel so stupid!

I’m going to give you a second chance, you know. So just calm down.

You are?

Yes, I am. And do you know why?

Why?

Because Zack told me that you’re a very good therapist.

Really? I mean, um, yes it’s been going well.

Has he talked about the shoe closet yet?

No. Is that a closet just for shoes?

Yes.

Wow, I’ve never seen an entire closet just for shoes.

It was my wife’s.

Oh…

Ever since she died, Zack does this thing where he sits in there for hours. He thinks I don’t know where he is. But I know. Last night he’d been in there for a long time and so I knocked on the door. Finally, after getting no answer, I opened the door and I found him on the floor of the closet asleep. His face was inside one of her tennis shoes as though he’d been smelling it. (Joseph stares off for a moment.)

Um…

(Composing himself.) You’ll ask him about it then?

Yes.

Very good. (Sherry gets up to leave.) Oh, and did you give your mother my message?

Your message?

Yes, remember? “Hello.”

Ah, right. No, I forgot.

(Upset) You forgot?

But I’ll tell her tonight.

Great. And Sherry, no more field trips, Ok? Remember: there’s plenty to see inside the school..

Zack enters

Yes! Zack, look! I am sewing! I noticed your shirt was missing a button and we can’t have that now can we? What are you looking for?

Nothing

Zack?

What?

It’s just. You look, uh, happy. Did something good happen today?

(On the phone)

Cancel my subscription. Cancel. My. Subscription. CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION! Wait to be connected. Hi, I’d like to cancel my subscription. Yeah. Uh-huh. Um, yes the subscription number is… 354H as in hhhhamburger? 678B as in bellicose? 28G as in goblins! 4. Yes, it’s addressed to my wife but it’s on my credit card. Yes, even if it was free she would still be uninterested in receiving it. A reason? I don’t know, because she doesn’t want it. (Zack enters the house and waits, observing the conversation.) Ok, well guess what, ok, get ready because I’m gonna tell you something: it’s possible for one woman to realize that she doesn’t like yoga. Yeah, she hates it. When this month’s issue came she looked at it and was like “Oh. God,” and then she walked over to the window, opened it up, and threw the magazine out. (pause). Yes, I realize that, but what if it’s the yoga making her angry in the first place? (Zack reenters). Would you ever pick up a brand new, pristine copy of the magazine, hot off the presses, and immediately throw it in the garbage?! (starting to crack.) Because that’s what you’re doing every month by continuing to send my wife this magazine. (deep breath.) Thank you. (Slam phone down before looking at Zack.)

You really have a rifle. I thought that was a joke.

Nope. This is my rifle. I need it for protection. There’s a tiger roaming the streets, young lady!

It’s been weeks, don’t you thiunk the tiger has like, I don’t know, moved on?

Until the tiger is apprehended it could be anywhere, and we need to protect ourselves.

To tell you the truth , I kinda forget about it most of the time.

Oh, you’ll forget about it right until it jumps out right in front of you. (Jump up and scream.) Like that.

Anyway… the reason I’m here is because Zack hasn’t shown up for work the last few days

Oh, yes, he’s sick.

Really?

Yes. Is everything going ok in class? Is he giving you any trouble? N

o, no, he’s fine

I think he really likes this job

Yeah?

He’s been ironing his shirts.

Oh.

I’ve never seen him do that.

Well, you never know, maybe all these years he’s been a closet ironer

You know, it’s remarkable how much you resemble your mother when she was younger.

Oh, I don’t really.

No, you look like her in a lot of ways, the way your nose tilts slightly to the left… Your mother was the most beautiful girl in school. (Studying Sherry closely.) Hmm… I suppose you don’t look like her that much.

oookaayyyy well-

Everyone wanted to date Wanda, but she chose me. I remember feeling so lucky. I’m sure your father feels the same way.

I don’t think he was feeling very lucky when he decided to just leave in the middle of the night and not come back.

What?

About a month ago, he left. You didn’t-?

I had no idea. What happened

Ah, I shouldn’t-

No, tell me. Please?

Well…ok. So my mom has this illness?

Oh God. Is it serious?

No one really knows. But she’s been taking this medicine that made her…

What?

Fat?

So she’s…fat?

Yeah, and she won’t let anyone see her. Even I haven’t seen her in months. She’s been hiding in her room. But I figure she has to come out eventually right?

So you’re not trying to get her out?

Of course I’m trying, but it has to be her decision

That’s a rather passive way of looking at it, don’t you think? She needs someone to go up there and try and rescue her from herself.

Do you want to try?

Me? I can’t. R

Remember Harold Ashman’s pants?

(laugh softly and build into an uncontrollable laugh.)

Uh, sorry Mom I gotta go, bye!

Oh, am I early for our session?

No, you’re right on time. Come in…

Alright. (Walk in and sit down. take butterscotch out of pocket.) Butterscotch?

Sure

So, I did the assignment (Pulls out notebook.) I drew the house, like you asked.

So the first thing on the agenda is a quick check-in. How are you doing today.

Fine.

Nothing in particular you’d like to check in about?

Not that I can think of.

Ok.

Oh! Well actually, there is one thing. I got a postcard in the mail today from Zack, but it’s a little confusing. It just says- (takes out honeycomb and shows it to Sherry.)

Honeycomb.

So I’m trying to figure out the message. Is he living Is he living with beekeepers? But I also know bears like honey, so maybe he’s camping? Did you get a postcard?

No, but the mail delivery service around here these days is a little spotty. We have a complicated relationship with our mailman.

Oh.

Ok, well, I guess we should dive-

You’re probably wondering about-

Yes.

Right, well, I… (cough.)

Are you ok?

Yes, yes… I’m just… (cough more.)

Nervous?

Well…

You’re a little nervous.

I knew we should have met at my office.

You know she’s right up those stairs.

Yes, I know.

First door on the left.

Right…Ok… Here goes nothing. (Joseph looks towards the stairs, waits a moment, puts on his crown, and climbs the stairs.)