[ACT 1] John Dodge Middletown Lines

Public Speaker: Ladies, Gentlemen, I know I’m forgetting somebody.

Friends

Somebody: Citizens

People

Mary: Hopeful people

Hopeful people, everybody

Sweetheart: Breathers

Breathers

Librarian: We do. They’re in the business section - I’ve never known why. I’ll show you

*Enter* Hi. Quick question. Books on gravity.

Librarian: Hi, John. Let me just get him squared away. One Second. Books about gravity. Let’s see. We have two: The Silent Killer and another one called Laws of the World.

The second one.

Mrs. Swanson: Gravity. Hello.

Hi.

Mrs. Swanson: We just moved here.

That’s great. Who’s we?

Mrs. Swanson: Yes, we are, thank you. We is my husband and I. You live here, obviously.

That I do. Is it obvious? Ten years, now. Ten, fifteen years. In fact, I think we’re talking fifteen, twenty years, now. Time, you know? “Woooosh.” “Clank.”

Mrs. Swanson: I guess. And what do you do?

More like, what don’t I do.

Mrs. Swanson: Okay, what don’t you do?

You originally asked what I do. So I’ll answer that. I do paperwork, lawn work, plumbing, sometimes some house painting. I’ve worked graveyards, regular hours, happy hours. Sure, sometimes, I’ll just stare out a window, let a year go by, two years. For instance, right now, I’m kind of between things. I’m between two crappy jobs, I’m sure - I just don’t know what the second one is, yet. Give a call. I’m also trying to catch up on some reading. You might say I’m bent on self-improvement, although I’m sure there’s a better phrase. What about you? Wait, let me guess. Yeah I give up - no idea.

Mrs. Swanson: I used to manage a restaurant. Before that I worked in a bank. Just jobs, you know. When we get settled, I might do something else.

You sound like me.

Mrs. Swanson: No, I don’t. I do?

Sort of. Not really. I hate how I sound. You don’t sound like me.

Mrs. Swanson: I am. Wow.

I bought a tandem bicycle from him. He was really friendly when I brought it back.

Librarian: MONOLOGUE. Such lively people, our townspeople. Always trying different things. Always pre-occupied. And now you, too. There you go. Bye, John.

Thanks. Bye. Nice talking to you. Here’s my card.

Mrs. Swanson: This says “Lucy Graves Associates: If you need help, we can help.”

Yeah, that’s wrong, that’s someone else’s card.

Mrs. Swanson: Okay. Well, so, then, how would I get in touch with -

Here, why don’t I just write my name and number on that one. There we go. Problem created, problem solved. Bye.

Mrs. Swanson: John? We met at the library. You gave me your -

I remember. Sure. Hi. I think I bought something and left it at the store. That wasn’t a very smart investment.

Mrs. Swanson: I’ve done that - it’s so stupid. Hey, are you hungry? I have some little sandwiches. I’m really hungry.

That’d be great, thanks. Damn it. I’m sorry - I would love a sandwich. Thanks.

Mrs. Swanson: Was that a tour going on?

I’m sure it was something.

Mrs. Swanson: Here. (She hands him a sandwich)

Wow. They are little.

Mrs. Swanson: I have more.

No, they’re great, thanks. God, I had the worst night. Almost non-stop meaningful silence. Worst morning, too. Don’t get married, that’s my advice.

Mrs. Swanson: I’m already married.

Oh, that’s right, I forgot. Well, I hope you brought a good book.

Mrs. Swanson: I didn’t know you’re… Are you married?

I was. All I remember is lying in bed, listening to the breathing. That’s not true. We had some pretty good times. Probably my best. Yeah.

Mrs. Swanson: I’m sorry.

It’s sad. You sit around reading the side of a cereal box. Half the dishes are gone, half the cups, you eat everything out of a dented can, no more pretty shoes by the door, and, that’s your little half-life. Definitely don’t get divorced. I know, I’m all over the place on that one. Sorry. Are you getting settled here?

Mrs. Swanson: I am. We are. More and more. This is all a big change.

What?

Mrs. Swanson: Here. And the whole idea of children.

It is. I have two nieces.

Mrs. Swanson: Oh, how great - girls.

They are great. You know what - it’s just one niece, I think. The other one is her friend. I’m a terrible uncle. But, I don’t know, I still feel like a nephew. Time, you know. “Buzzzzzz.” “Plink.”

Mrs. Swanson: You said that the day we met.

Something like it, I’m sure. It’s a theory of mine.

Mrs. Swanson: It’s not really a theory. You’re just making different sounds with your mouth.

So are you.

Mrs. Swanson: True. “True.” How’s gravity?

It’s all right, I guess. What?

Mrs. Swanson: You were reading a book about gravity.

Oh, right. That’s over. I just kind of lost the… you know. I mean, do I really need to know about that? Anyway, now, I’m taking this course on watercolor painting.

Mrs. Swanson: You’re quite a Renaissance man.

It’s not really a course. It’s just the directions that came with the paints.

Mrs. Swanson: Well, still, it sounds great.

It’s not. It’s just some other thing.

Mrs. Swanson: I would think you’d make a really good uncle.

I would too, but, yeah, no. I panic. Who wants a panicky uncle? I get anxious, you know?

Mrs. Swanson: I feel that way sometimes.

Me too.

Mrs. Swanson: MONOLOGUE. He should be here soon. I still don’t really know the place. It can get lonely, can’t it.

Yeah. You get the mail, it’s a clothes catalog. Maybe you leaf through it, maybe think, “Hey, I could buy those pants.” Then you think, “But then it’d just be me, again, in a different pair of pants.” Then you go out and walk around, and that’s your day, time for bed.

Mrs. Swanson: That’s kind of gloomy. I like looking at catalogs. Things aren’t so bad. I visit Bob here and there, if he’s at a convention or something nearby. He’s in sales.

I always wanted to be in something.

Mrs. Swanson: Yeah? Well, I’m sure you’ll, you know….

Yeah? That’s nice. Thanks.

Mrs. Swanson: I’ve been having trouble sleeping.

Oh, god - nighttime. Daytime, too. I’m like, “Enough - I get it.” I read articles about identity theft and I actually get a little jealous, you know? “Just take it,” you know. “Good luck, fella.” Sometimes, I think I should just go quietly retire, you know, alone in the bathroom, with an X-acto knife. But then I start up some dumb project or get a book about some idiot thing.

Mrs. Swanson: John.

You have a nice voice, um… I’m sorry…

Mrs. Swanson: Mary.

Mary, of course. I like it.

Mrs. Swanson: We all have our dark nights. We’re probably never as alone as we think.

Yeah, no. We hope. I heard what you said. It probably seemed like I didn’t, but I did. I’m really sorry you can’t sleep.

Mrs. Swanson: Me too. No, thank you. I know you’re just making different sounds with your mouth again, but, thanks.

I haven’t asked you a lot about yourself.

Mrs. Swanson: Is that… are you asking now?

I don’t know - I just suddenly tried to picture you not sleeping. Sometimes you get used to the words for things, and then you suddenly remember the things. And so I suddenly saw you, the real Mary, not a word, staring out a window, or crying or reading, whatever you do.

Mrs. Swanson: MONOLOGUE. I never know what I’m supposed to be listening to. But it does give me time to catch up on my needless worry.

I do that - what you just did.

Mrs. Swanson: What?

Use humor to try to distance myself from the pain.

Mrs. Swanson: I was using humor to try to be funny.

Yeah, that’s something different. If you ever need any help, I’m pretty good with the needless worry.

Mrs. Swanson: The other night, I couldn’t stop thinking, “What if my taste buds stop working?”

Massive heart failure in a public place.

Mrs. Swanson: You can do better than that. Plus, that’s really more of a guy thing.

Cancer, in the privacy of your own home.

Mrs. Swanson: The old standby. And, yes, good - something for the ladies.

It’s good to laugh. I like that thing you said - “dark nights.”

Mrs. Swanson: I guess all nights are dark, but you know what I mean. Oh, I almost forgot. I’m hoping you can come have a look at something.

I’d love to. What?

Mrs. Swanson: A plumbing thing. I think it’s just a clogged drain.

I was thinking maybe it was a painting or a sunset or something.

Mrs. Swanson: No. Sorry.

Yeah, I’ll take a look. I could use the work. Not that I’d charge you. Speaking of not making any money, I should get going. Hey, what’s today?

Mrs. Swanson: Friday.

Oh, shit. I thought it was Thursday.

Mrs. Swanson: Sorry, again.

I probably would have found out eventually.

Mrs. Swanson: I’ll give you a call. Bye, John.

Bye, Mary. It was really nice talking.

Mrs. Swanson: It was. Thank you. We should - yes. Definitely. Bye, see you later.

Bye.

Mrs. Swanson: Where’s John? Where did he go? No, seriously, John, thanks for helping out. Bob and I are grateful.

No, it’s no trouble. When does he get here?

Mrs. Swanson: Any day, I hope. It’s crazy. We used to just be regular people. We said “good night” and “good morning” every day. All of a sudden we’re so modern. It’s funny. Have you always done this kind of work?

God, yeah. In fact, I’ve been thinking about that philosophy thing about how you can’t step in the same river twice. It turns out you can. Sometimes, I feel like I should just… I don’t know. I try, you know, but some days it all just seems like the - (indistinct)

Mrs. Swanson: I know. I know what you mean. Everything suddenly looks like it’s spelled wrong, or something. Like, even your own name looks like a typo.

Yeah, exactly. I’m always getting, I don’t know, I told you this, I get these awful panic attacks. They’re actually how I stay in shape. It’s a mess. Enough about me, and how I sometimes get claustrophobia and can’t swim. (Indistinct- “So how does it feel being pregnant?”)

Mrs. Swanson: What?

(Indistinct- “How does it feel being pregnant?”)

Mrs. Swanson: Oh. It’s so new. I don’t think I could even describe it. I’m really excited. But it’s almost like it’s just words, at this point.

(Indistinct- “It’s probably just words at every point”)

Mrs. Swanson: MONOLOGUE. Not to mention, just, the whole thing. I mean, do I look like the kind of person?

(Indistinct- “Well, I don’t know if you’re the kind of person, but I think you’re quite intoxicating.”)

Mrs. Swanson: Well, thank you, John. I don’t think I’ve ever been called “intoxicating” before. That’s very flattering.

I hope you don’t think of me as just some kind of a… I don’t know. Because I have so much going on inside me. A lot of different…. You know, people laughed when I said I wanted to get a law degree.

Mrs. Swanson: You have a law degree?

Me? Oh god no. People really laughed, though. I’ve wanted a lot, out of life. First, air and milk, and then it just kept going.

Mrs. Swanson: Well, you’ve gotten a lot, too, haven’t you? In life?

I had shingles, once. I’m kidding. Well, no, I’m not, actually— I did have that. Good argument for death, by the way- shingles. Nice reminder your skin’s an enemy.

Mrs. Swanson: Your skin’s probably your best friend.

For a while, sure. I have a kind of serious mind/body problem. But, I know what you’re saying. I try to be grateful for what I have.

Mrs. Swanson: Good. I wish I had more gratitude. When you think of all the miracles it takes just to sit in a chair. A billion things going right, just to sit here. And do nothing. And watch you work. Miracles.

You get used to them, though. That’s the sad thing. You look around: miracle, miracle, miracle. It’s tiring. It’s sad. Or scary.

Mrs. Swanson: That’s kind of extreme, isn’t it? But, I guess, to be completely honest, it’s always an option.

(Indistinct- “Except for the fact that I’m afraid of dying.”)

Mrs. Swanson: You can say that again. Oh, Johnny Boy, you can say that again.

That “I’m afraid of dying”?

Mrs. Swanson: I thought you said something different.

No. (Place sludge on newspaper) There.

Mrs. Swanson: Yuck. Is that the problem?

Yeah.

Mrs. Swanson: What is it?

Just years of stuff. Sort of a metaphor for, yeah, no— just years of stuff, gunk. Whoa. I stood up too quick. My whole life, I don’t think I ever stood up at the right speed. All life long, John Dodge in the wrong. “All life long,” wow, that’s hard to say.

Mrs. Swanson: No, it isn’t.

“All life long.” No, you’re right— it isn’t. I think I better sit down for a few seconds. One 1000, two 1000, three 1000. Okay. Wow. Did it again.

Mrs. Swanson: Maybe you’re just a dizzy person. They say some people have trouble with the Earth’s, you know, with the rotation.

Yeah, maybe that’s— yeah.

Mrs. Swanson: John.

Again, she says, in her nice voice, “John.”

Mrs. Swanson: Well, what am I supposed to say? Are you all right? We haven’t known each other very long, but, do I seem different?

How?

Mrs. Swanson: I don’t know. Somehow. Inside.

Yeah, I don’t know. Kind of. Yeah, you do.

Mrs. Swanson: Good.

Change.

Mrs. Swanson: I know.

You smiled when you said: “Good.” That says a lot about you. You look really well. I bet you’ll be a radiant mother. I don’t have anything, Mary. Sorry, big change of topic, but— I don’t. Look at me. I have a bunch of hobbies I quit and some overdue books I never read. I don’t have anything.

Mrs. Swanson: Yes, you do. Come on. Yes, you do.

Mary, I don’t.

Mrs. Swanson: Maybe you’re not looking hard enough.

(Indistinct- “Mome gavnerma thurn.”)

Mrs. Swanson: What?

Just joking, because of the— Remember when you couldn’t hear me?

Mrs. Swanson: Oh, right. (Indistinct- “Gabralldee yo fon gerg fonderall.”)

Hmm. I never thought of it that way. Mary, I’m looking as hard as I can.