The Prom: High School Edition - Angie Dickinson Lines

Dee Dee: Angie!

Angie: I'm so proud of you! This is an important show. The critics are going to love it.

Trent: If you prick me, do I not bleed? (monologue) Is a life on the stage really any life at all?

Angie: Hey guys.

Dee Dee and Barry: Angie!

Angie: Sorry your show closed on opening night. Again...

Dee Dee: Thanks.

Angie: Welcome to the world of the unemployed!

Barry: I thought you were in "Chicago".

Angie: I just quit. 20 years in the chorus and they still wouldn't let me play Roxie Hart. You know who they have playing the role these days?

Barry: Who?

Angie: Tina Louise. You know, Ginger from "Gilligan's Island"?

Barry: My God. Is she still alive?

Angie: Not really, no

Dee Dee: You see? We're wasting our lives.

Angie: It's true. Oh, well. At least we're all in the same boat.

Trent: But the Times has castrated you as it were.

Angie: Yeah. He wrote you off as "aging narcissists".

Barry: Wait a minute. I know how we can still love ourselves, but appear to be decent human beings. We'll become celebrity activists!

Angie: Brilliant!

Barry: Too big.

Angie: World hunger?

Barry: With my back? Forget it. What's the biggest problem in America right now? Go.

Angie: Well, I think it's the electoral college. It needs to be abolished.

Dee Dee: As an exercise, just assume we don't know what it is and explain it to us.

Angie: Well, the electoral college was created to allow the smaller states to have power in a Federalist government. If the amount of electoral college votes a states received was directly proportional to its population then the-

Barry: A safe non-violent, high-profile, low risk injustice.

Angie: Let me see what's trending... Global warming, shrinking ice cap, dying penguins... Hey. What about this girl?

Barry: What girl?

Angie: It's all over Twitter. She lives in a small town called Edgewater, Indiana. She's a lesbian and she wanted to take her girlfriend to the high school prom and the PTA went nuts.

Barry: Yes! It checks all the boxes, and as a bonus it's gay, which is something I can relate to! Are you all with me?

All: Yes!

Dee Dee: We'll have a rally.

All: Oooooo a rally!

Trent: We'll carry picket signs!

Angie: And make T-shirts!

Barry: I'll get Sheldon to tag along. He can find us a venue.

Angie: Wow, can we really do this?

Dee Dee: Oh! We'll need an anthem.

Angie: Like "We Are The World"!

Trent: Andrew Lloyd Webber will write something for us. He's a huge fan of my Phantom. Leave it to me.

Angie: Wait! How will we get there?

Barry: Shame! Shame on you!

All: Shame! Shame! Shame!

Emma: Stop taking my picture!

Angie: We need a poster for the rally!

Dee Dee: Oh my god. This is worse than the bus.

Angie: Well, at least it's quieter. If I had to sit through "Day by Day" one more time, I would have killed them all one by one. 4 rooms under Dickinson. I called yesterday.

Barry: Angie, have you seen these rooms? We're all going to be murdered and stuffed, you know that, right?

Angie: Orbitz gave this place three stars.

Trent: The Godspell cast will back us up. They have their own costumes.

Angie: Oh my god...

Trent: No, trust me. All we need is a simple message that tugs at the heartstrings and a little pageantry. We have everything we need right here.

Angie: Except a venue.

Shelly: There's no spinning this. It was a complete disaster.

Angie: Now I know what the original cast of "Carrie" felt like.

Dee Dee: See? We're not narcissists!

All: Yea us! Yea us!

EMMA: I mean, everyone started freaking out when you got here. That lawyer might have had the legal power, but you really scared people.

Angie + Stars: Awwwww

Angie: Don't sell yourself short kid. You're the one who scared people.

Sheldon: Anybody hungry?

Angie: I could drink.

Emma: You're sure it's not too girly?

Angie: Just the right amount of girly.

Dee Dee: We did good you guys!

Angie: Who wants a drink?

Mr. Hawkins: They are lying to you. That was part of the plan.

Angie: Oh my god...

Trent: They met in secret? The whole town kept this from her?

Angie: That is so cruel.

Emma: No! Enough! This is already the worst night of my life! Just stop helping me!

Angie: I'll go...

*Opening of Scene 12/Emma's bedroom*

Angie: That woman makes my skin crawl.

Emma: I cannot wrap my head around all this. It's a nightmare. Oh God. I've never felt so alone in my life.

Angie: You're not alone, honey. You've got friends.

Barry: Emma, you gotta step up and be the face of this story. You've gotta go on TV and show the world who the real victim is.

Angie: And that's going to get her to prom?

Barry: Honey, I know this is hard, but if you do nothing, they win.

Angie: Don't worry. She's just got stage fright. I'll talk to the kid.

Emma: Before you give me a lecture or kick me to death with those crazy antelope legs of yours or whatever you're going to do, I know I should do something; I just can't.

Angie: Look, kid. Not everybody gets a chance to step out of the chorus. You got to do it for all us people waiting for our moment.

EMMA: I'm too scared.

Angie: Let me tell you a story. It's 1975. The original company of "Chicago" is in previews and the worst flu in history hits the cast. They're down to the third cover for the role of Roxie Hart. And she's scared, just like you. So Fosse, who's a real ball-buster, is putting her through her paces. But she's petrified, and even worse, performing the routines like a robot. And the Foss says to her, "Hey, kid! nap out of it! You're freaking out! You got the steps, you got the notes, but where's the zazz, baby?!" And though she'd never heard that word before she immediately knew what it meant. And that girl went out there and crushed that performance so hard the whole audience was standing on their feet screaming bloody murder.

Emma: And that girl was you?

Angie: How old do you think I am? This was 1975. The point is every Fosse girl knows that story. It's all about finding your own inner strength.

Emma: I just don't think I can do it. The thought of getting up in front of all of those people. Look at my hands. They're shaking!

Angie: If your hands are shaking.

JUST TURN THEM INTO JAZZ HANDS!

Now doesn't that feel better?

Emma: No.

Angie: Try this!

EMMA: What are you doing?

It'll give you some confidence. Hand here. And try this. Now move.

Emma: This is awkward.

Angie: You don't understand the concept of zazz. The zazz is not the moves. The zazz comes from within. Do the moves and give 'em some zazz.

EMMA: I don't know.

Angie: Now, close your eyes. Think of Mrs. Greene.

Think about that fake prom.

And think about finally doing something about it.

I'm seeing it! I'm seeing your zazz! Now follow me.

ANGIE + EMMA: GIVE IT SOME ZAZZ

Angie: Now that you found your ZAZZ, it’s time to show it to the world. You think you know how?

BARRY: Geoff Bennett? He's on PBS. Nobody watches PBS. You might as well have her sit down with a rock in a box.

Angie: So we're sunk?

HAWKINS: I'm on board, as long as Emma is comfortable with it.

Angie: She is. Believe me. You can see it in her eyes. She's ready to stand up and tell her story.

Mr. Hawkins: Well put.

Angie: That was incredibly generous of you.

DEE DEE: You owe me a house!

HAWKINS & BARRY & SHELDON & ANGIE: (Ad libs.) Whoa! Whoa! Take it easy!

BARRY: This video is killing me. This is worse than the one about the guy being reunited with the lion he raised from a cub.

DEE DEE, TRENT, ANGIE & SHELDON: (Ad libs.) Oh god. Don't bring that up. I can't even look at that.

Sheldon: What the hell. I'm good for 3 thousand.

Angie: I think I got about 2 left on my card.

EMMA: [long paragraph] But they said it's PBS, which is like smart TV. Do you know Geoff Bennett?

ALL: (Ad-libs.) Oh yeah. He's huge. That's the big time

Barry: But we don't actually know how to build anything.

Angie: Then I found you on Twitter. It was just dumb luck.

Barry: sings I JUST WANNA DANCE WITH YOU

Angie: Oh my god.

Barry: What? What is it?

Angie: I just got the call. Tina Louise has shingles! The producers want me to go on as Roxie Hart!

EMMA: What did you tell them?

Angie: I said, "No way. I have a prom to go to!"

Barry: Atta girl.

Angie: I was kidding. I'm taking the red-eye tomorrow. Let's get this party started!

All: sings ITS TIME TO DANCE

Angie: Okay! Let's get pretty!