Episode from Quote

Term

Definition

"Is mayonnaise an instrument?"

Band Geeks (Season 2). Patrick. Squidward: "No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument." Then: "Horseradish is not an instrument either."

"The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma."

The Secret Box (Season 2). Patrick. NOT Idiot Box. The thought bubble that follows shows a milk carton tipping over.

"FINLAND!"

Frankendoodle (Season 2). Patrick, as a non-sequitur after being hit. NOT Band Geeks, NOT the movie.

"CHOCOLATE!"

Chocolate with Nuts (Season 3). Tom, aka Incidental 6, voiced here by Thomas F. Wilson.

"The Krusty Krab Pizza is the pizza for you and me!"

Pizza Delivery (Season 1). SpongeBob.

"And my feet are killing me."

Pizza Delivery (Season 1). Squidward, in reply to the pizza song.

"I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!"

Help Wanted (Season 1) - the series premiere. SpongeBob's job-hunting chant.

"Me hoy minoy."

Frankendoodle (Season 2). DoodleBob - his only dialogue.

"Squidward, your ceiling is talking to me!"

Krusty Krab Training Video (Season 3). Patrick. NOT Graveyard Shift.

"We should take Bikini Bottom, and push it somewhere else!"

Sandy, SpongeBob, and the Worm (Season 2). Patrick.

"That idea may just be crazy enough… to get us all killed!"

Sandy, SpongeBob, and the Worm (Season 2). Squidward, replying to Patrick.

"I went to college!"

Plankton! (Season 1). Plankton's boast as he threatens to run Krabs out of business.

"My leg!"

First appears in Boating School (Season 1). A running gag ad-libbed by Mr. Lawrence, the voice of Plankton.

"I have plenty of imagination." / "Good, now all you need is a box."

Idiot Box (Season 3).

"Whoopee! Another box!"

Idiot Box (Season 3). Patrick, as the tag.

"MORE!" (the hyper-detailed close-up Krabs face)

Jellyfish Hunter (Season 2) - the episode where Krabs invents the Jelly Patty. NOT Nasty Patty.

"This is a load of barnacles."

Prehibernation Week (Season 2). An unnamed background fish during Sandy's search party. Sandy: "I heard that."

"I'm ugly and I'm proud!"

Something Smells (Season 2). The tagline of Patrick's story "The Ugly Barnacle."

"Dirty Dan" and "Pinhead Larry"

Survival of the Idiots (Season 2). SpongeBob and Patrick's outlaw alter egos inside hibernating Sandy's treedome.

"People Order Our Patties."

Krusty Krab Training Video (Season 3). The POOP acronym.

"Do instruments of torture count?"

Band Geeks (Season 2). Plankton, holding up a triangle - comes just BEFORE the mayonnaise line.

"They all died in a marching accident."

Band Geeks (Season 2). Squidward's excuse to Squilliam.

"Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big, meaty claws!"

Band Geeks (Season 2). Harold, aka Incidental 40.

"These claws ain't just for attractin' mates!"

Band Geeks (Season 2). Mr. Krabs, replying to Harold.

"That trilobite didn't know an oboe from an elbow."

Band Geeks (Season 2). Squidward.

"Good luck next Tuesday! I hope the audience brings lots of ibuprofen."

Band Geeks (Season 2). Squilliam Fancyson.

"A sentence enhancer."

Sailor Mouth (Season 2). Patrick, on what to call the bad word - used "when you want to talk fancy."

"Don't you mean seven?"

Sailor Mouth (Season 2). Squidward, on the number of bad words. Krabs: "Not if you're a sailor."

"Oh, my aching tentacles!"

Pizza Delivery (Season 1). Squidward's closing line.

"You forgot the drink."

Pizza Delivery (Season 1). The customer, whose house is directly across the street from the Krusty Krab.

"Moss always points to civilization."

Pizza Delivery (Season 1). SpongeBob's pioneer logic.

"You forgot the pickles!" … "Still no pickles!"

Pickles (Season 1). Bubble Bass, who hid them under his tongue.

"We serve food here, sir."

Pickles (Season 1). Squidward, after Bubble Bass's diner-slang order.

"SpongeBob LoserPants."

Pickles (Season 1). Bubble Bass's taunt.

"Are you gonna order something, or just make friends with the paneling?"

Krusty Krab Training Video (Season 3). Squidward to Patrick.

"The money is always right!"

Krusty Krab Training Video (Season 3). Mr. Krabs' motto.

"I Really Wish I Weren't Here Right Now!"

Krusty Krab Training Video (Season 3). The text on Squidward's employee button.

"It's the squeaking of the hideous boots!"

Squeaky Boots (Season 1). Mr. Krabs' confession - a Tell-Tale Heart parody.

"For doing absolutely nothing longer than anyone else."

Big Pink Loser (Season 2). The award Patrick finally wins on his own.

"Hey, pal - you just blow in from Stupidtown?"

Big Pink Loser (Season 2). Nat Peterson, aka Incidental 41.

"All hail the Magic Conch!"

Club SpongeBob (Season 3). A Lord of the Flies riff; the Conch is a Magic 8 Ball parody.

"No." / "Nothing." / "Neither."

Club SpongeBob (Season 3). The Magic Conch Shell's recurring answers.

"Happy Leif Erikson Day!"

Bubble Buddy (Season 2). Bubble Buddy's parting line, voiced by Brad Abrell.

"Pinky out."

Tea at the Treedome (Season 1). The running gag as SpongeBob tries to be polite - and nearly dries out.

"EVIL!"

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy (Season 1). Mermaid Man's drawn-out shout, from Ernest Borgnine's voice cracking in the booth.

"Come on, domination!"

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III (Season 2). Man Ray - his first physical appearance, frozen in tartar sauce.

"I'm gonna steal your soul."

The Flying Dutchman's catch line. He first appears in person in Scaredy Pants (Season 1), voiced by Brian Doyle-Murray.

"Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet!"

Graveyard Shift (Season 2).

"The Hash-Slinging Slasher."

Graveyard Shift (Season 2). Squidward invents him on the spot. He returns every Tuesday night.

"With or without nuts?"

Chocolate with Nuts (Season 3). Patrick's sales pitch.

"I know, let's get naked."

Chocolate with Nuts (Season 3). Patrick. Reply: "Let's save that for when we're selling real estate."

"Fancy Living Digest."

Chocolate with Nuts (Season 3). The magazine that starts it all - actually Squidward's mail.

"The Alaskan Bull Worm."

Sandy, SpongeBob, and the Worm (Season 2). The tiny sign they find reads simply "WORM."

"It's evil. It's diabolical. It's lemon-scented."

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004). Plankton, describing Plan Z.

"I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah!"

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004). "Goofy Goober Rock" is a rewrite of Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock," sung by Jim Wise.

"Five Goober dollars."

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004). SpongeBob's attempted bribe to Dennis. "Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober."

"I NEVER SAID THAT!"

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004). Mindy, after the "BECAUSE WE'RE INVINCIBLE!" pep talk.

"Alone… alone… alone…"

SB-129 (Season 1). The voices in the empty white void. The title is the production code for SpongeBob segment 29.

"A hydro-dynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments and turbo drive."

Help Wanted (Season 1). Mr. Krabs' joke hiring condition.

"Livin' in the Sunlight, Lovin' in the Moonlight."

Help Wanted (Season 1). The Tiny Tim song that got the episode cut from the Season 1 DVD over music rights.

"1% evil, 99% hot gas."

Plankton! (Season 1). Plankton's Analyzer, reading Plankton himself.

"50% sea, 50% weed."

Plankton! (Season 1). Plankton's Analyzer, reading seaweed.

"Oh, SpongeBob, why?"

Mrs. Puff's recurring sigh. She debuts in Boating School (Season 1), voiced by Mary Jo Catlett.

"Employee Brotherhood Day."

Dying for Pie (Season 2). Squidward buys the pie from pirates for twenty-five bucks, not knowing it's a bomb.

"An 800-word essay on what not to do at a stoplight."

Procrastination (Season 2). Mrs. Puff then cancels it for a field trip to see a stoplight.

"Andy Yellowtail."

Nasty Patty (Season 3). The health inspector, who chokes on a fly.

"Six points. You need six hundred."

No Free Rides (Season 2). SpongeBob's boating exam score.

"Thanks, dude! That was awesome!"

Walking Small (Season 2). Scooter, aka Incidental 38, the purple surfer fish.

"Arr, I be just a paintin' of a head."

Your Shoe's Untied (Season 1). Painty the Pirate's in-series speaking line, voiced by Patrick Pinney.

"Still getting burned on that tail pipe, huh, Barnacle Boy?"

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II (Season 1). The Dirty Bubble's first line, originally voiced by Charles Nelson Reilly.

"Always bring a spare pencil."

Frankendoodle (Season 2). The French Narrator, on the first rule of the artist at sea.

"You Doodle, Me SpongeBob."

Frankendoodle (Season 2). DoodleBob.

"I Wanna Go Home."

Texas (Season 1). Sandy's song, written by guest musician Junior Brown. First time she cries and first time she sings.

"Ah, POOP, you never let us down!"

Krusty Krab Training Video (Season 3). The Narrator.

"The Rusty Krab."

Krusty Krab Training Video (Season 3). The bankrupt retirement home Mr. Krabs bought - he painted a K over the R.

"Alexander Clam Bell."

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004). The Cyclops' label on one of his dried clam knick-knacks.

"I stole your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs."

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004). Plankton's planted note.

"Sesame seed finish, steel-belted pickles, grilled leather interior."

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004). SpongeBob describing the Patty Wagon.

"Are men afraid of anything?" / "HECK NO!" / "And why?" / "BECAUSE WE'RE INVINCIBLE!"

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004). Mindy's pep talk, which she immediately disowns.

"Shell City Marine Gifts and Sundries."

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004). The sign revealing Shell City is a gift shop, not a city.

"Your Head Here."

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004). The sole of Dennis's boot. His motorcycle plate reads "I Kill U."

"I call this one the Campfire Song Song."

The Camping Episode (Season 3). SpongeBob, on ukulele, with Patrick on drums.

"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song!"

The Camping Episode (Season 3). Followed by "And if you don't think that we can sing it faster, then you're wrong."

"Squidward!" … (silence) … "Good!"

The Camping Episode (Season 3). Squidward's cued solo in the Campfire Song Song is silence.

"I was just fine until you lodged that ballistic junk food into my windpipe!"

The Camping Episode (Season 3). Squidward, after SpongeBob slingshots a marshmallow into his clarinet.

"It's too dangerous to play the clarinet badly out here in the wilderness! It might attract… a sea bear."

The Camping Episode (Season 3). SpongeBob.

"I Married a Sea Bear."

The Camping Episode (Season 3). A headline in The Bikini Bottom Inquirer, offered as proof.

"Sea Bears and Fairy Tales Are Real."

The Camping Episode (Season 3). A headline in Fake Science Monthly, the second tabloid.

"Well, maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!"

The Camping Episode (Season 3). Patrick.

"Sliced or cubed?" / "Cubed. Sliced is fine."

The Camping Episode (Season 3). The cheese distinction - cubed cheese attracts a sea bear, sliced does not.

"Never wear a sombrero… in a goofy fashion."

The Camping Episode (Season 3). The sea bear later readjusts Squidward's sombrero itself to the enraging position.

"They hate limping more than running!"

The Camping Episode (Season 3). SpongeBob. Escalation order: running, then limping, then crawling.

"That was an oval! It has to be a circle!"

The Camping Episode (Season 3). SpongeBob, on the failed anti-sea-bear circle.

"All the experts say it's the only defense against a sea bear attack."

The Camping Episode (Season 3). Patrick, on the anti-sea-bear circle.

"You guys are so gullible. See? I did everything that attracts a sea bear and nothing happened."

The Camping Episode (Season 3). Squidward, moments too soon.

"What attracts them?" / "The sound of a sea bear attack."

The Camping Episode (Season 3). Squidward and Patrick, on sea rhinoceroses - the episode's final gag.

"Good thing we're all wearing our anti-sea-rhinoceros undergarments."

The Camping Episode (Season 3). SpongeBob. Squidward is not wearing a pair.

"…who knew this guy who knew this guy's cousin."

The Camping Episode (Season 3). SpongeBob's chain of hearsay proving sea bears are real.