Maid Marian - The Adventures of Robin Hood

Robin: I know. I can’t imagine what took us so long.

Robin?!

Robin: Am I? I try so hard to be serious.

Robin?

Robin: Marian!

Where have you been?

Robin: Working.

On what?

Robin: Marian.

Sorry. But I need to tell you something and it’s important.

Robin: Oh it can’t be that important. Let’s play Saxons and Normans.

Not now.

Robin: All right, mace and chain!

Would you stop it!

Robin: How do you manage to beat me all the time? I think you have a natural talent for murder and bloodshed. My father says it’s from being a Norman.

Oh please. You’re the one with all the talent, but you just don’t use it.

Robin: Quarterstaff! Ha!

Ow!

Robin: Oh damn, oh Lord, oh hell! I’m sorry! Does it hurt? Are you in agony? Let me see. Is it red? Did it break the skin?

Ow!

Robin: I’m such a dolt. I wouldn’t hurt you for the world.

My father says that boys between the ages of fourteen and twenty-three should be locked away because they aren’t good for anything but fighting, stealing, and being rude to their elders.

Robin: Don’t forget drinking.

You do know that you’ll inherit this entire estate someday, so you have to start taking things seriously.

Robin: Thyme and violet and cowslip and crocus! And the faintest hint of a Devonshire Daff, which is lovers’ flower because of its shape. You see, now’s the time they pollinate, which is flower-talk for reproduction, do you ever think about reproduction, Marian?

You mean country matters?

Robin: I hear it’s also been done in the cities, but I can’t believe they’re any good at it.

Robin, listen. You’re probably wondering why I’m all dressed up like this.

Robin: Hmm? You are? I mean of course you are. Cape, shoes, feet, you have everything.

Oh stop it. It’s a traveling cloak. I’m going away

Robin: I’d love to travel. I’d like to go to Shirebrook just over the mountain, and Creswell Green -

Robin -

Robin: I want adventure, Marian! I want to face down villains till they plead for mercy. I want to hunt them down through the park and the woods -

Robin, listen! I’m going away. For three years. To Aquitaine. My father insists.

Robin: Okay, bye.

Robin!

Robin: I mean have a good time. Enjoy yourself.

Won’t you miss me?

Robin: Marian!

Good-bye!

Robin: She’s like my sister!

Ha!

Robin: Marian!

Hello, Robin.

Robin: Look at you. You’re glorious! Are you well? How have you been? When did you get back? How were your travels? Were they exciting, frightening, dangerous, difficult, amusing, tremendous? Answer me in one word!

I would need the mouths of every woman you’ve ever kissed to do that.

Robin: You embarrass me.

Do I? Good. When we were young, he had eyes for every girl in the shire but me.

Robin: I must have been. SNAP

Hello. All you all right?

Robin: Manners. This is Deorwynn Miller. We seek her father. This is Lady Marian Fitzwalter.

It’s a pleasure.

Robin: And this is John Little and Friar Tuck. One just gave me a beating and the other threatened to.

I like them both already.

Robin: Marian and I grew up on neighboring estates but she was snatched away by her parents.

They thought he’d corrupt me.

Little John: And did he?

Just a little.

Robin: And how were your travels?

Brave, Robin. The world is filled with wonder and delight. I studied music, mathematics, philosophy - SHOOMP - And combat.

Little John: You should join our band. Robin here is facing down the authorities and the people love him for it.

They tell a different story at the castle.

Friar Tuck: I’m not surprised.

Robin, they say you’re causing nothing but trouble here in the shire. They say you’re breaking the laws and stealing property. They say you’re an outlaw.

Little John: He is!

Well it’s nothing to be proud of. There’s a price on his head!

Robin: You don’t understand.

Apparently not, but I’ve been asked to speak to you about it.

Robin: By whom?

By my uncle, Prince John.

Robin: Marian is a ward of King Richard. Their families date back to the Conqueror.

Uncle John calls you a common thief. He says that the foresters hate you now and that you’re stealing gold from anyone who passes through Sherwood.

Robin: Do you believe it?

The Prince of the Realm wouldn’t lie about it.

Deorwynn: The Prince of the Realm is robbing us blind! And his men arrested my father for trying to feed his family and they tried to cut out his tongue and blind him and he’s the bravest man that ever lived, and they did it to put money into their own pockets because they’re cowards!

That’s treason you know!

Deorwynn: It’s the truth! Tell her!

I think you’ll find that Prince John is misunderstood. And Robin, he’d like to meet with you. He’s coming to Nottingham next month for the celebrations.

Robin: What is he celebrating? A new hanging?

No, it’s a wedding.

Robin: Whose?

Mine… I’m sorry… It will seal the alliance between north and south, and my family feels that… it’s what I was raised for.

Robin: And you’re going along with it? Who are you marrying? The Prince himself?

The Prince is my uncle!

Robin: By marriage. It is allowed.

Well I’m not!

Robin: Who is it then?

You won’t know him. But you will like him. He’s a Norman who’s in charge of administration for this part of the shire. And he’s young and up and coming and some day could have the whole north of England under him. His name is Guy of Gisbourne.

Sir Guy: Good God.

Guy. I’d like you to meet some friends of mine. This is Robin of Locksley, John Little, Friar Tuck and… a friend of theirs.

Robin: Hello.

…Well, that went well. Shall we go inside? It’s feeling chilly out here… Robin.

Prince John: Politics, politics. We let my mother out of prison for Christmas. Ha! And how are you two lovebirds doing? Have you set a date yet?

Not yet, Sire. We need more time.

Sir Guy: Marian has been listening to the Saxons lately, and their lies make her nervous.

You do me an injustice. I keep an open mind and listen to the people. They have a great deal to say.

Sir Guy: And I wonder, is that quite feminine?

Feminine?! The Prince’s mother is Elanor of Aquitaine, who has ruled two continents and done battle with the Pope! Do you think that she’s been asked if she’s feminine?

Prince John: Oh, touché, Marian. Touché, all day. And if you’re getting cold feet about Gisbourne here, you just have to say so. I’d never force you, you know. This above all: to thine own self be true. Ooo, that’s perfect. Write that one down.

As you can tell, Sire, Sir Guy and I have some disagreements.

Sir Guy: He flaunted the law right in front of me.

Yes, I keep hearing worrisome things about him from all the Normans. It’s just that - when we were children, he had a good heart, and I don’t understand what’s happened to him.

Sir Guy: He’s a lawbreaker, Marian. A thief.

Robin.

Sir Guy: Yes, Robin of Locksley. We know his name.

No, it’s Robin. He’s here.

Sheriff: What?

What?

Prince John: Accident in London. Shame. Died instantly.

But that means that you’re -

Robin: Marian, I want you to come with me.

I won’t.

Robin: Don’t you see what they’re doing?

They’re upholding the law.

Robin: The laws they pass for their own benefit.

But when King Richard returns -

Robin: He won’t return without our help. John will see to it. Come to the Great Oak in Sherwood tomorrow. I’m going to speak to the people and we can talk afterwards.

Robin, you’re just making trouble.

Robin: That’s odd. I thought I was saving England.

Robin -

Robin: Just slip away. Good-bye until then.

You’re leaving?

Robin: Get back! Make a single move and I cut his throat.

Robin!

Robin: Marian. Wait.

I-I shouldn’t have come. It’s disloyal to the Prince. But is what you say true?!

Robin: It is, Marian. I swear it. I can prove it to you.

How?

Robin: Which is empty at the moment, thanks to Sir Guy and the Sheriff stealing it from me.

No. I-I should get back. They’ll miss me.

Robin: No, wait. Are you afraid of the truth?

I’m afraid of nothing.

Robin: Do you see their spirit, Marian? That’s what your friends are trying to destroy, but they won’t succeed.

I do begin to see it now.

Robin: I’ve been thinking. Shall we be partners, Marian?

I beg your pardon?

Robin: In the dance, my darling. I’m asking you to dance.

Well of course you are.

Deorwynn: They’re surrounding the castle!

Who?

Deorwynn: Sir Guy and the Sheriff and about a hundred men are surrounding the castle and they all have torches!

This can’t be true -

Friar Tuck: Just let me near’em Lord, that’s all I ask.

We have to get the children out as quick as we can. The rest can follow.

Robin: I grew up in this house, remember?

The tunnel!

Sir Guy: Marian! What are you doing here?! I thought you were at Nottingham.

I was but I…I came to see Robin.

Sir Guy: I should have known. Marian, he’s mad.

He isn’t mad. He’s trying to save his people.

Sir Guy: You mean the rabble who are out to destroy our country?

That isn’t true! Have you seen the suffering of these people, Guy? There are families down there. And innocent children.

Sir Guy: And robbers and thieves! We have laws, Marian! Laws to keep order!

And we need compassion to go with them.

Sir Guy: You’re taking his side, aren’t you.

I’m not taking any side except the children’s. You wouldn’t hurt them -?

Sir Guy: Send Locksley down to give himself up, and we’ll talk about it.

And you’d let them go?

Sir Guy: I said we’d talk about it!

…All right, I’ll tell him.

Sir Guy: No! Stop! I’ll send someone else.

I’m going.

Sir Guy: Oh no you’re not.

Don’t touch me! I’m going back inside with Robin! At least then you won’t burn it down!

Sir Guy: Light the arrows!

Are the children out?

Friar Tuck: Yes.

And their parents?

Friar Tuck: Maybe you should go up and talk to that succubus.

Robin, no! He’ll kill you on the spot.

Robin: Would you miss me?

Don’t be ridiculous.

Robin: Oh, thanks a lot. Boy!

Yes sir.

Robin: That’s an understatement.

Lady Marian sent me with a message for you, sir. She says she’ll see you at the tournament.

Robin: She’s not going to the tournament.

She says that she is, sir.

Little John: She’s not going to like it.

Why can’t she go to the tournament, sir?

Robin: Because if she sets foot near the castle she’ll be recognized.

Not if she goes in disguise, sir. She could go as a boy.

Robin: Oh, they’d spot her in a minute. She’s too beautiful for a boy.

Is she?

Robin: She has the face of an angel. And that figure of hers keeps me up at night.

Really?

Robin: I mean it’s true, when we were youngsters, she was a fright, nothing but elbows and pimples. And her eyes were a little crossed, which made her look silly. And yet it’s funny that all that beauty was there inside her and I never saw it.

Are you in love with her, sir?

Robin: Look, you can see it in the daylight. Up there, look hard. North Star.

Venus

…MARIAN! What are you doing?!

Competing in the tournament. It’s only men, remember? God forbid a woman beats them. Besides, I’m a better archer than you are, so I can win it for us.

Robin: You think you’re better than I am?

Well you never practice.

Robin: What was that?

Nothing.

Robin: Would you like to compete right now?

Heart-shaped knot in tree. A hundred yards. I believe that’s dead center… You missed the tree.

Robin: You just split your own arrow in half.

Yes I know.