Harold and Maude monologue

I haven’t lived. I’ve died a few times.

Well, the first time was when I was at boarding school, in the chemistry lab. I was in there, cleaning it up, so I decided I’d do a little experimenting, you know.

So I get all this stuff out and begin mixing it up. It’s very scientific.

There was this massive explosion. It knocked me down. It blew out a huge hole in the floor. There was boards and bricks and flames leaping up. I figured, you know, time to leave. My career in school was over.

So, uh, I went home. My mother was giving a party so I just went up the backstairs into my room.

Turned off the light, and I got this funny feeling. The doorbell rang. I went out into the banister, and these two policemen came in, found my mother, and told her that I was killed in the fire.

She put one hand up to her forehead. With the other one, she reached out as if groping for support and with this long sigh, she collapsed in their arms.

I decided right then that I’d enjoy being dead.