"Holes" X-Ray Lines

MR. PENDANSKI

You see the cabin over there? Stay away from it. Hey- Come meet the newest member of our team.

(Beat)

Enter SR - ZigZag, Squid, Armpit, X-Ray, Magnet, Zero

ARMPIT:

The 4th what?

Laughter. 

X-RAY:

How's Barf Bag? 

MR. PENDANSKI:

Stanley, I'd like you to meet Rex- 

Push Arm & Magnet off the platform; big gesture

X-RAY:

X-Ray. 

MR. PENDANSKI:

Jose-- 

X-RAY:

Magnet.

Pat on head

MR. PENDANSKI:

Theodore-- 

X-RAY:

Armpit.

Pat on shoulder

MR. PENDANSKI:

Ricky--

X-RAY:

Zigzag.

Point

Mr. PENDANSKI: 

Stacy.

X-RAY: 

Squid.

Point

MR. PENDANSKI and X-RAY (Almost but not quite simultaneously):

And Zero.

Look

ZIGZAG (Indicating Mr. Pendanski):

And he's Mom. 

X-RAY:

X → David

X-Ray ain't just a nickname, Mom. I can see inside you. You got a big fat heart. 

Pat David on chest

High-5 Zig

MR. PENDANSKI:

Any words of advice for Standly, Zero? You know why his name is Zero? Because there’s nothing inside his head.

X Upstage of Luke, EXT SL (Get shovel)

STANLEY:

Thanks… Armpit.

(Blackout) ENT SL, (Lights Up) Start digging

STANLEY:

What am I supposed to be looking for?

Stop digging; glance up

MR. SIR:

You’re not looking for anything. Digging builds character…

Go back to

MAGNET:

Oh, so that’s why you’re so ulgy!

React, freeze

MADAME ZERONI:

… Every day you must carry the pig to the top of the mountain and let her drink from the stream. As she drinks, you sing this song:

“If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs, The bark on the tree was a little bit softer. While the wolf waits, below, hungry and lonely. He cries to the moon, “If only, if only.”

Start slow-motion digging, stop

MADAME ZERONI:

Is she too heavy for you now?

Lift shovel

ELYA:

No.

Dig

MADAME ZERONI:

Will she be too heavy for you tomorrow?

Lift shovel

ELYA:

No.

Dig

MADAME ZERONI:

Every day the pig will grow a little bigger, and you will grow a little stronger.

X → truck

Get water X → hole, dig

MAGNET:

Pick a hole, any hole. But make sure nothin’s livin’ in it first. You don’t want to be disturbing a family of yellow-spotted lizards.

Freeze

ELYA:

… It wasn’t until after he was already out to sea that he remembered his promise to Madame Zeroni.

(Elya exits)

Jump down, XR → Stan

STANLEY:

I feel like I'm digging my own grave.

X-RAY:

So what'd you do?

X-RAY:

So what’d you do?

Stanley doesn't understand the question. 

X-RAY:

They sent you here for a reason.

ARMPIT:

No way!

X-RAY:

Sweet Feet? You took Sweet Feet's shoes?

ARMPIT:

How would you know?

Freeze

ELYA:

I don’t know. I just know I have to find him.

EXT SL

X-Ray and Armpit are playing cards. Magnet, Zigzag and Zero watch nearby, Sitting apart from them are The Toughest Kid in Camp and two of his cohorts.

(Blackout) ENT SL w/ cards and pudding cups

(Lights up)

X-RAY:

Royal Flush!  Next! Just imagine how good I'd be if I could see.

Tought Kid Fight

X-RAY:

Be cool. You don't want to mess with the Caveman.

ARMPIT:

Today was his first hole.

X-RAY:

You see Caveman back there?

X → platform

STANLEY:

Well, the first hole's the hardest. 

X-RAY:

No way. The second hole's a lot harder. You think you're sore now, just way till tomorrow morning. Plus, the fun's gone.

STANLEY:

The fun?

X-RAY:

Don't lie to me. I bet you always wanted to dig a big hole, right? Every kid in the world wants to dig a great big hole.

STANLEY:

Uh, right.

X-RAY:

See what I mean? That's what I'm saying. But now the fun's gone. And you still got to do it again and again and again.

Pick up, spin, spin, spin and set down

ARMPIT:

Your mommy! Aw, isn’t that sweet.

X SL → cards

STANLEY:

Oh, you mean Clyde Living-Sweet Feet? Um, yeah, they did. What, did he do a commercial?

(Bell rings)

EXT SL

STANLEY:

I’m Caveman? I thought… Well, it’s better than Barf Bag.

(They exit)

ENT SL w/ shovel, X → truck

0 - Stanley

0 - Zero

0 - Armpit 0 - Me 0 - ZigZag

MAGNET:

What?

X SL → Stan

STANLEY:

Nothin'. 

Magnet turns and goes to the line. He cuts in front of Zero. X-Ray drinks from a now full canteen as he walks past Stanley. 

X-RAY:

Man, you look like you're going to die. 

STANLEY:

You were right, X-Ray. The second hole's the hardest. 

X-RAY (Shakes his head):

The third hole's harder. 

MR. SIR:

What’s this?

X → ZigZag

ARMPIT:

Lemme see.

X-RAY:

I don't see nothin'.

ARMPIT:

See, look at the little fishy.

Get the rock

X-RAY:

You ever find anything else, you give it to me, okay? 

X-RAY:

You ever find anything else, you give it to me, okay? 

Stanley is unsure how to respond.

X-RAY:

I've been here for almost a year and never found nothin'. My eyesight's not too good. You know why my name's X-Ray? It's short for Rex. That's all. I'm too blind to find anything.

STANLEY:

Yeah, well...

X-RAY:

You've only been here a couple a days? If anybody gets a day off, it should be me, right?

Slap shoulder

STANLEY:

I guess.

X-RAY:

I knew you'd understand.

Pat Stan’s back

EXT SL

MAGNET:

I think that would be fun.

X-Ray laughs.

MR. PENDANSKI:

Don't laugh, Rex. We don't laugh at people's dreams. 

X-RAY:

Who are you kidding, Mom?

STANLEY:

That's the first cloud I've seen since I've been here. 

X-RAY:

Well, don't get your hopes up.

MAGNET:

Good thinkin', Zigzag. It must belong to him.

X-RAY:

Well I'll show it to Mr. Sir. Who knows? I might get the rest of the day off.

STANLEY:

But your hole's almost dug. I'm still gonna be out here another two hours.

X-RAY:

Yeah, so?

STANLEY:

Wait until tomorrow to show it to Sir. Then you'll get the whole day off.

X-RAY:

Good thinkin', Caveman.

ARMPIT:

Armpit.

X-RAY:

Hey, Mr. Sir! I think I might have found something. 

Everyone gathers around as X-Ray takes the tube to Mr. Sir.

X-RAY:

Saw something sparkle in the dirt. There's engraving at the bottom: K.B.

THE WARDEN:

Is this where you found it?

X-RAY:

Yes, ma'am.

THE WARDEN:

We’re turning this entire area into one giant hole. We’re gonna dig this dirt twice.  Caveman and Magnet will carry the dirt away.  There's no hurry. I've waited this long, I can wait a few more days. The main thing is not to miss anything. If you find anything you will be rewarded. 

Spotlight on X-Ray alone in another section of the stage, lounging in a chair, sipping lemonade.

X-RAY:

Ahhhh. Aw, I'm out of lemonade. (Exits)

THE WARDEN:

Okay, okay. Fun's over. Now everyone get back to work. (To Mr. Sir): You're giving the boys too much water.

X-RAY:

Never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad to be digging my own hole again. No offense Armpit, but I don't like being too close to you when you got a shovel in your hand.

MAGNET (Holds up his loot):

Anyone want any sunflower seeds?

X-RAY:

Over here, my man. 

STANLEY:

Sorry. 

X-RAY:

Careful. I don't want to eat dirt.

MR. SIR:

You Girl Scouts having a good time?

X-RAY:

Hey, Mr. Sir. Back so soon?

ARMPIT:

Hey, Caveman. How come you didn't share any with us?

X-RAY:

That's cold, man.

ARMPIT:

Hey, Caveman. You're still alive.

X-RAY:

What'd the warden say?

STANLEY:

She just...Look, I got a lot of digging to make up. I don't want to be out here all by myself when Mr. Sir returns. (He picks up his shovel and goes to his hole. He stares down at it, startled) My hole's dug. Hey, thanks. You don't know how much I needed--

X-RAY:

Don't look at me.

STANLEY:

Who knows? He was delirious when he said it.

X-RAY:

Look at that, Zig!  Caveman's doing Zero a big favor. Zero likes to dig holes.

ARMPIT:

Just lay off.

X-RAY:

Why should he? Hear truck appear.  Caveman can take care of himself.

ARMPIT:

Zigzag was beatin' up on the Caveman. Zero started chokin' Ziggy.  Mr. Sir fired his gun.

X-RAY:

Blood starts to boil when you’re working in the hot sun. Everything's cool now.

WARDEN:

He stole a truck. Drove it into a hole and caused extensive damage. I've got a whole camp full of witnesses--tell 'em, X-Ray.

X-RAY:

What truck?