Module 2

Self-Concept, Self-Esteem, Self-Compassion, Self-Control

• Self-concept: your relatively stable set of perceptions about yourself

  • Encompasses physical features, emotional states, talents, likes, values, roles

• Self-esteem: the evaluative part of self-concept

  • how you feel about the qualities that make up your self-concept

  • influences your communication expectations and how you approach things

• Self-Compassion: being kind and understanding towards yourself when you're struggling

• Self-control marshmallow experiment: study showed a connection between self-control in childhood and success in adulthood

  • Higher self-control = positive outcomes in academics, work, relationships, and overall well-being

How does the self-concept develop?

• we aren't born with a self-concept - it develops at 6 months when we recognize to separate ourselves from others = through social interaction

Two main theories explaining how interaction shapes our self-perception

• Reflected Appraisal: our self-concept is formed by how we believe others judge us

  • Significant Others: People whose opinions we value greatly (like parents, friends, family) have a strong influence

  • Self-concept is a result of supportive and negative messages

    • EX: you’re so smart: makes child think that they are smart = more likely to fail harder tasks because they believe intelligence is inherent

• Social Comparison: We form our self-image by evaluating ourselves to others

  • We determine our standing by comparing ourselves to a reference group

    • comparing ourselves to unrealistic groups (billionaires) = feelings of inadequacy. Especially worse with social media as everyone only highlights the best parts

  • comparing ourselves to a representatives and realistic sample provides a better foundation for a more accurate self-understanding

Self-Concept Development: language and identity, and cultural values and norms

Language and identity on self-concept

• In societies with dominant and minority languages, minorities feel pressured to assimilate to the dominant society, which affects their identity

  • speakers of the dominant language often hold power and privilege = comfortable and confidence = strengthens identity

• labels and pronouns used by co-cultures reflect and define identity

Cultural Values and Norms

• Individualistic cultures tend to be more expressive, straightforward, and direct

• collectivistic cultures lean towards indirectness, restraint, persuasion, silence, ambiguity, and third-party communication to maintain harmony

Overall, effective communication requires open-mindedness and applying competent communication principles

Characteristics of Self-Concept

1. self-concept is subjective

   • factors can distort our self-evaluations:

     • Obsolete information: past failures create lasting negative perceptions even if irrelevant to the present (past success doesn’t = future success)

     • Distorted feedback: overly critical or false positive feedback from others may skew self-view

     • Perfectionism

2. self-concept is flexible

   • evolves throughout our lives; past descriptions may no longer fit, and future perceptions may shift. Acknowledging these changes is important

3. self-concept resists change

   • tend to seek out people who confirm our current self-view (positive or negative)

   • hold onto outdated negative self-perceptions

   • reluctant to acknowledge our flaws

the 4 circular process of self-fulfilling prophecy

1.     Holding an expectation for self or others

2.     Behaving in accordance with that expectation

3.     The expectation coming to pass

4.     Reinforcing the original expectation

Self-fulfilling prophesies affect how we communicate, and it’s an over simplification t believe that thinking positively = better outcomes

2 types of self-fulfilling prophecies

1. self-imposed prophecies - your own expectations influence your behaviour (wake up thinking you’re gonna have a bad day = you’ll act upon it = have a bad day)

2. prophesies governing someone else’s actions - Your expectations of another person influence how you treat them = affects their behaviour

   • teacher says: you’re so smart = affects students behaviour

Public and Private selves

We possess multiple selves

• Perceived self: private, honest self-assessment that isn’t fully shared

• Presenting self: the public image we actively show others = socially approved

  • Face: socially approved identity

  • Facework: our actions to maintain desired public images

Characteristics of Impression Management

1. We have multiple identities we adapt to different situations - linked to competence, well-being, and belonging

2. Identity manegement is a collaborative process influenced by others' reactions

   • presenting an image are shaped by others' response

3. Identity management can be both conscious and unconscious

   • consciously aware of the impressions we make = first dates

   • unconscious - aimed at sending messages = howing disgust when observed, mimicking expressions in person

   • split-second decisions about our actions = unconsious

4. Everyone varies in impression management

   • high and low self-monitoring having advantages and disadvantages; flexibility is key

How and why do we manage impressions?

We manage impressions because of unspoken social rules and norms

We manage our impressions by:

1. Face-to-face impression is managed through:

   • Manner: Our words and nonverbal behaviour

   • Appearance: Personal items shaping our image (e.g., clothing)

   • Setting: Physical items we use to influence others' views (e.g., car, home decor)

2. Mediated Communication

   • Electronic messages control clarity, tone, and emotion - impression management

Identity management and honesty

• Identity management can be perceived as manipulative or fake: dishonest behaviors like deceptive dating, application lies, and insincere service

• Online deception is common - misprepresenting oneself to a carefully curated online profile: catfishing

Self-Disclosure: definition and factors

Intentional verbal communication of personal information about the sender to another person. It focuses on the self.

Factors:

• Honesty: Genuine self-disclosure = truthful and accurate information. Partial or incomplete truths are not genuine

• Depth: statements are personal, not superficial, information. But "personal" is subjective and varies (personal: academic history, temperament, fears, demographic details)

• Availability of Information: The information shared should be new to the recipient and not easily obtainable elsewhere

• Context of Sharing: The setting influences how personal a statement feels. Sharing ordinary details in certain contexts can increase their perceived intimacy due to less control over the information

Models of Self-Disclosure

1. The Social Penetration Model: Describes relationship development through increasing breadth (range of topics) and depth (intimacy of information) of self-disclosure

   • Levels of Disclosure (increasing depth):

     • Clichés (superficial) - Casual relationships have broad breadth but limited depth

     • Facts (can build trust if new and personal) - Intimate relationships have significant depth

     • Opinions (reveal values)

     • Feelings (deepest insight into emotions) - The most intimate relationships have great breadth and depth

2. The Johari Window Model: A framework representing self-awareness and disclosure through four quadrants:

   • Open: Known to self and others.

   • Blind: Unknown to self but known to others (revealed through feedback).

   • Hidden: Known to self but not to others (revealed through self-disclosure).

   • Unknown: Unknown to both self and others (discovered through self-discovery or shared exploration)

Pros and Cons of Self-Disclosure

Pros:

• Catharsis: Emotional release through revealing thoughts and feelings. Negative outcomes can occur if the primary goal is solely disclosure.

• Self-Clarification: talking about beliefs, thoughts, opinions, and attitudes to gain insight.

• Self-Validation: Seeking agreement to confirm beliefs and behaviors, validating one's self-concept (coming out).

• Reciprocity: disclosing information to increase the likelihood that the other person will do the same

• Impression Management: Revealing information to appear more attractive.

• Relationship Maintenance and Enhancement: Fostering liking and healthy relationships.

• Moral Obligation: Disclosing due to a sense of duty (HIV)

Cons:

• Rejection: Fear of losing connection and acceptance if true self is disliked = relationship termination.

• Negative Impression: Disclosing certain information a history of short relationships) = negative judgments.

• Decrease in Relational Satisfaction: Honest disclosure can reveal incompatible desires and needs = conflict and dissatisfaction (I like them, but I don’t)

• Loss of Influence: Revealing vulnerabilities can reduce one's power within a relationship.

• Loss of Control: Information might be shared with unintended individuals.

• Hurting the Other Person: Information that provides catharsis for the discloser but can negatively impact the recipient.

Alternatives for Self-Disclosure

• Silence and Secrecy:

• Lying: Deliberately misrepresenting the truth = negative emotions and damaging trust

  • Benevolent lies are non-malicious, intended to be helpful (often to protect feelings).

  • Butler lies are small lies in mediated communication to manage availability and avoid hurting feelings or saving face.

• Equivocation: Giving a response with two or more plausible meanings. White lies to avoid directness and spare embarrassment. Partial truths can still offend when the full story emerges.

• Hinting: saving face remark

  • used to save the receiver's face (softening a negative opinion).

  • used to save the sender's face (indirectly stating a preference).

• The Ethics of Evasion: People often choose hints, equivocations, and benevolent lies over full self-disclosure as easier ways to navigate difficult social situations for both parties.

Guidelines for Self-Disclosure

• Self-disclosure is crucial for maintaining strong existing relationships and fostering the growth of potential closer relationships = important to ask yourself if the person is important to you

• Weigh the potential benefits against the risks in both public and private settings

• self-disclosure isn't always the best course of action = ensure the partner will be respectful and reasonable

• Unequal self-disclosure can create an unbalanced relationship = important to match the amount of self-disclosure to maintain relationship

• Careless honesty can damage relationships by crossing psychological boundaries (sensitive topics)