Individual differences in interpersonal relationship: from attraction to dissolution

Attraction

- there are many factors that influence attraction

- kaeger and caspi came up with four hypotheses:

1) similarity

2) repulsion

3) optimal

4) ideal partner

similarity hypothesis

- people who share the same interests and likes are likely to be attracted to each other

- enhances mutual understanding

- Rushton - genetic similarity plays a role

ideal partner hypothesis

- people seek partners who have ideal traits like socialability

- attraction is higher when the other person has desirable traits

- buss and Barnes - ideal traits influence partner choice

repulsion hypothesis

- dissimilarity leads to avoidance

- people that are not similar are eliminated first

optimal hypothesis

- some differences is good ad can lead to attraction

- excessive differences does lead to more understanding

Fatal attraction

- traits that were initially attractive can later lead to dissatisfaction in a relationship

e.g.

1) strong to stubborn - strong independence leads to inflexibility

2) nice to passive - overly nice can lead to frustration

3) funny to immature - overly funny can lead to immaturity

Approaches to relationship

psychologists see love as multidimensional, shaped by experiences and cultures

two theories :

1) Sternberg triangular theory

2) Lee's colour of love theory

Sternberg's triangular theory

1) intimacy - emotional closeness

2) passion - physical attraction and romance

3) commitment - cognitive decision to maintain the relationship

these three develop into seven love styles

types of relationships

fatous love - commitment and passion

empty love - only commitment

compassionate love - intimacy and commitment

infatuation - passion

liking/friendship - intimacy

romantic love - intimacy and passion

primary colours of love: Lee

1) Eros - physical attraction, love at first sight e.g. i was instantly attracted to my partner when i first saw them

2) ludus - game playing, non-committal e.g. I try to distance myself from my partner to leave them uncertain

3) storage - friendship love that includes trust and care e.g. my partner and i were friends and then it grew into a loving relationship

secondary colours of love : Lee

- primary colours join together to make secondary colours of love

1) Pragma (storge and Ludus) - practical, logical love(shopping list relationship) e.g. i plan my life carefully before choosing a partner

2) Mania (Eros and Ludus) - obsessive jealous type of love , lack self-confidence e.g i can't sleep because im so excited about being in love with my partner

3) Agape - (Eros and storge) - self-less love and expect nothing in return e.g. i rather suffer myself than let my partner suffer

Investment model - Rusbult

- when satisfaction is low and investment is low and alternatives are high people leave the relationship

- dissatisfaction can outweigh high investment in a relationship

satisfaction -refers to how happy you are in the relationships

investments - how much they have invested into the relationship

alternatives - whether there are other people with better qualities

strategies ELVN - Rusbult

- exit - divorce or break up

- loyalty - wait things out as they may improve

- voice - discuss issues in the relationship

- neglect - leave things to detoriate over time

- relationships with high satisfaction and high investment usually voice things and have loyalty

- relationships with low satisfaction and high alternatives drive active responses like exit and voice

Baxter's expectations and strategies for relationship dissolution

dissolution happens when expectations go unmet

direct strategies:

- open discussions

- mutual agreement to end

indirect strategies:

- avoidance behaviours like withdrawal

- passive aggressiveness

- distancing

Duck's phase model of relationship dissolution - four phases

- break ups happen in stages and are triggered by psychological thresholds

1) Intrapsychic phase = focus on internal dissatisfaction - on the other persons flaws

2)Dyadic phase - open discussion and confrontation phase

3) social phase - break up is now public and receiving social support

4) Grave - dressing phase - looking for future relationships