dumb little play lines

“thats your cue!”

KEN: (Meekly.) I... can't do this.

“Ken! You promised!”

I’m sorry i cant, i just cant.

KEN: (On the floor.) Ow! (Mumbling to himself.) Plus, where did you get this gown? This gown isn't even my size. I've lost weight, or hasn't anybody noticed?

KEN sits, miffed. A school passing bell.

Oh my god!

MARJORIE: (Nervously checking her watch.) The students will be

here in five minutes!

KEN: And so will all of the student teachers in our entire program!

MARJORIE: (Realizing.) I knew it!

KEN: What? You don't know! That's not it! Nobody knows! Nobody knows anything! It's this gown! It's not even my color! I need autumn tones! Or is everybody blind?

MARJORIE: You want to leave my play just because Bernadette,

(Mocking.) "the love of your life," is coming!

KEN: (Lying badly.) Bernadette? Bernadette who? Who is that person? I don't know her! I don't know people! I'm a scientist! Who is "the love of my life"? I'll tell you: Science is the love of my life! I'm a bio major, honey! And the only reason I decided to double major in elementary education was to bring the joy of science to the next generation! To gift the scientists of tomorrow

my deep desire

for knowledge!

MARJORIE: (Mocking.) The only reason you decided to double major in biology and elementary education was to gift Ken with a deep desire for Bernadette! (Beat.) Don't be so shocked! Everybody knows! (Beat.) You're disgusting!

KEN: (Standing and falling, standing and falling.) Please! Help me! I can't let her see me like this! (Gasping, realizing.) I'm perspiring in here! (Realizing.) I'm perspiring... all over in here! All over! (Beat.)

Marjorie! Get me out of this gown!

MARJORIE: Wait. You didn't even shave?

KEN: What?

MARJORIE: (Peering, angry.) You're trying to grow a beard? This is my play! Queens do not have beards, Ken! My queen does not have a beard!

KEN: (Still on the ground, but defiant.) It's a scrub beard, OK! This week Bernadette likes Josh Groban. And this week Josh Groban has a scrub beard! You do the math!

MARJORIE: Kenneth! Let me tell you something: You are no Josh

Groban!

KEN: Oh, really? Well, Marjorie? Let me tell you something! You are

no playwright!

MARJORIE: I am an artist with a social conscience!

KEN: (Reads it, mockingly.) Eminent Domain? A Fairy Tale Without Pretense or Precedent?! Where a girl plays the king? And a guy plays the queen? And, clearly where the guy has a really handsome scrub beard coming in so how could he even play a queen anyway?

(Beat.) What were you even thinking?

MARJORIE: That our students need to learn about the relative fluidity

of non-normative 21st century gender relationships!

KEN: Marjorie! Our students are in the third grade!

MARJORIE: It's never too soon! They've got to understand that

relationships are never what they seem! That, in college, for example, if they smile at a boy five weeks ago in the dining hall, and then he smiles back at you, and then he even gives you two of the marshmallows from his own personal cup of hot chocolate, that maybe, just maybe you shouldh't immediately change your major from gender equality studies to elementary education just to be closer to him because he will never even call you! Or text you! Or even look at you when you wait outside his dorm every morning before class every day just trying to catch his eye! Or anything!

KEN:

(Stunned.) Gee, Marjorie, I thought they were just marshmallows.

MARJORIE: Well, they were symbolic marshmallows, Ken! (Turns

away, wipes away a tear.) Symbolic marshmallows!

KEN: (Dropping his head in embarrassment.) Well... I can see that

now.

MARJORIE: (Hopefully.) Really?

KEN: (Sincerely.) I...think so, Marjorie. I think so.

KEN: (Opening his eyes, embarrassed.) I'm sorry, Marjorie. I guess I just got a little carried away. (Turns away.) Forgive me.

MARJORIE: (Coyly.) Oh no, Ken. It's not that. It's just... (Beat.) What

about Bernadette?

KEN: Who? (Beat.) Oh.

MARJORIE: (Concerned.) Ken?

MARJORIE: Ken? (No response. Kenneth? (No response.I didn't

mean to upset you so much.

KEN: (Explaining.) Number two pencil.

MARJORIE: (Smiling.) Oh, Kenneth!

KEN: (Shy.) I don't know what I was thinking. (Pulls away.) I'm no

Josh Groban, Marjorie.

MARJORIE: (Trying something. Beat.) You can be my Josh Groban,

Kenneth.

KEN: (Turning to her, hopeful.) You like Josh Groban, Marjorie?

MARJORIE: (Unsure, but not wanting to give up.) Sure.

KEN: (Believing her.) Oh, Marjorie!