Learn to Tame a Dragon: Helena Lines

Otto:
Thanks a lot, Helga!!!

Helga:

Don’t mention it.

Otto:
I would like you to greet some of our younger citizens.

Erik and Helena enter with Erik’s Mother from STAGE RIGHT.

Mother:
I am one of many woman in our Kingdom!  And this….

Indicates Erik.

…is my son, Erik!

Erik:
Hi guys!  I’m Erik and someday I am going to be a hero of this mighty Kingdom!

Oh, really?

Erik: Excuse me, but this is my best friend in the entire world, Helena!

Hi!  Um….Erik?  What was that business about YOU being the hero of the Kingdom?

Otto:
Here we go again!

Helena:
I am the best swordsman in the Kingdom!

Erik:
You can’t be a swordsman!

Helena:
Why not?

Erik:
‘Cause you’re a girl!

Helena:
Then I’m the best Swords-PERSON in the kingdom!

Otto:

Silence!

They stop.

You are both acting childish!  I am going to introduce you to a real hero.  I present the greatest warrior of the Kingdom….Sven, the Brave!

Sven enters from LEFT.

Sven:
Your Majesty!  All is well with the Kingdom!  Our borders are safe and well protected!

Otto:
Brilliant, Sven, now you will have the privilege of singing our anthem!

Otto, Helga and Mother exit LEFT.

Scene Two – The Most Unpopular Boy 

Sven crosses to Helena and Erik.

Sven:

Well, well, well!  If it isn’t the two would-be heroes of the Fjords.

Helena:

Well, if it isn’t Sven, the Bragger.

Sven:
That’s the Brave!  Helena, you are a fool.

Helena:
Really?

Sven:
In the history of this Kingdom, no female ever led the armies of the King.

Helena:
I think it’s time for a change.

To audience.

Right, boys and girls

Sven:
It won’t be this day!

To Erik.

And if it isn’t the 100 pound weakling!  So, you think you have what it takes to be a hero?

Helena:
He’s not afraid of you, Svenny!

Erik:

Um….Helena!

Helena: It’s been his dream and one of these days he’s gonna take care of you!

Sven:
Oh he is, is he?

Erik:
Um….Helena!!!!!

Sven: Oh he is, is he?

Erik:
Um….Helena!!!!!

Sven:
What’s the matter pipsqueak?   Does this girl do your talking for you?

Helena:
No way, meatball!!!  Go ahead, Erik, tell him!

Erik:
That’s right!  You are nothing but a big bully.

To audience.

Isn’t that right, boys and girls?

Sven:
And what are you gonna do about it?

Erik:
Well, I…I….don’t….

Helena:
He challenges you to a battle of swords!

Erik:
I what??????!!!!!!!!

Sven:

A challenge!!!!  Perfect!  Once I have finished with you, you won’t be able to show your face in this Kingdom.

Sven exits RIGHT.

Helena:
Okay, so what are you gonna do?

Erik:
Me?  What am I gonna do?  I’m going to get shish kababed by Sven!!!!  And it’s all YOUR fault!

Helena:
Me?  What did I do?

Erik:
You made a challenge!!!!  For me!!!!!!

Helena:
Get your dad’s sword and start practicing!!!

Erik:
I can’t.

Helena:
Why not?

Erik:
He won’t let me use it.

Helena:
How come?

Erik:
The only time I used it I destroyed half the house.

Helga:
Entering from LEFT.

I remember that!  Your father was so mad, he wanted to feed you to Eagles of the Sky.

Helena:
Helga?  Can you tell us how Erik will do in the challenge?

Helga:
That’s easy!  He is going to get his behind kicked by Sven.

Erik:
Thanks a lot!  Could you at least look into the Crystal first?

Helga:
Very well, if you insist.

She crosses to Crystal.

Let me look into the Crystal.  Oh Crystal, knower of all things, tell me what will be the outcome of the challenge between Sven and Erik.

Looks concerned.

Oh dear!  Oh dear!!!  OH DEAR!!!!

Helena and Erik:
What is it?

Helena:

Let’s put it this way…..Move to France!

She exits LEFT.

Erik:
Great!!!  I don’t even speak French!!

Storms off LEFT.

Helena:
Wait!

Follows him.

Otto:

Subjects of the Kingdom of the Great Fjords, the day of the great challenge has arrived!!

SOUIND CUE – CHEERING CROWDS

Otto (continued):

First, the champion of champions!  He is the commander of our army.  He is the undefeated swordsman of the land.  He is….Sven, the Brave!!!

Sven enters from RIGHT.

Sven:
Let’s get this over with…I have plans for the evening!

Otto:
Patience!

Helena:
Look at him!  He thinks he’s such a big shot!  He’s nothing but a bully!

Mother:

You’re right, dear.

Aside to Helga.

Does he have a chance?

Helga:
You have a better chance of sprouting wings and flying to Pitman NJ.

Otto:
And now, the challenger, heaven help him, Erik, the Weak.

Helena:
That’s not nice!

Helga: But it’s true.

Otto:
I said….Erik the Weak!

Helena:
Calling OFF LEFT.

Erik!!!  You must come out now!!

Thanks a lot!

Sven:
Are you ready, you wimp!!!!!

Erik:
Calling people names is not nice!!!

Sven:
Why don’t you go and tell your mommy!

Mother:

He is not a nice person!

Otto:

Now, when the horn sounds, you will begin!!

To Sven.

Take it easy on him.

Helena:
No one has any faith in Erik!!!  Come on, Erik!

Mother:
You can do it!!!

Helga:
Wanna bet?

SOUND CUE - HORN

Sven gives a warriors yell and raises his sword in the air.   Erik is scared out of his mind, drops his sword, screams and runs OFF LEFT.

Helena:

Erik…wait!!!

Erik:
I don’t want to hide in a cave!!!

Helga:
Then what do you want to do???

Erik:
I just want to do something great!  Something no one else has ever done!

Helga:
Including Sven?

Erik:
Especially Sven!

Turns to Helga.

What can I do?

Helga:
Looks into Crystal.

Let me see!!!

Thinks.

Hmmm…there is one way.  But it’s not going to work for you!

Helena:
Entering from LEFT.

How can he have any faith in himself if you won’t give him a chance?

Erik:
You won’t even tell me what I can do?

Helga:
Are you sure you want to know?

Erik and Helena:
Yes!

Helga:
In the ancient history of our Kingdom, bravery wasn’t determined by a sword fight.

Erik:
Really?

Helga:
It’s true!  There was a far more daring adventure an aspiring hero would take on.

Helena:
A daring adventure???  Sounds intriguing!!!!

Erik:
Sounds dangerous!

Helga:
And you are both correct!!!!

Helena:
What does he have to do?

Helga:
You will journey to the Northern Mountains.

Erik:
I can do that.

Helga:
You will take the Path of Enlightenment.

Erik:
I can do that!

Helga:

And in the Tower of Flames you will find the Summer Dragon and ask if you can tame her son!

Erik:
I….am out of here!

Starts to exit LEFT and is stopped by Helena.

Don’t try and stop me!!!  She’s nuts and so are you if you think I am going to do that!!

Helena:
But don’t you think you should at least think about it?

Erik:
I’d rather live in France!!!!

Helga:
I thought it was a waste of time to help you.

Helena:
No it wasn’t…

To Erik.

Erik!!!!  This is your only chance!!!

Erik:
Wow!  Let’s look at the choices.  Devoured by a dragon or living in a cave!  Hmmm….let’s go cave shopping.

Helga:
I’ve told you what I know.  You must make your own choices in life!!!!  Let him make up his own mind, Helena.

She exits RIGHT.

Helena:
She’s right.  It’s up to you.

Erik:
What would you do?

Helena:
I’d go for it!!!!  I am a real hero!

Erik:
Oh, Helena, you’re a girl!  Girls aren’t supposed to be heroes!

Helena:
How dare you!!!  I am a real warrior!!!

SONG – THE WARRIOR

Helena:

You run, run, runaway
It's my heart that you betray
Feeding on my hungry eyes
I bet I’m not so civilized

Well my spirit’s primitive?
A wild gift that you wanna give
Break out of captivity
And follow me a stereo jungle child
Love is so chilled, my heart's still wild

Shooting at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang, I am the warrior
Well, I am the warrior
And heart to heart I'll win
If you survive the warrior, the warrior

You talk, talk, talk to me
Your always doubt my ability
Stay with me we'll take the night
My passion takes on another fight, oh

Who's the hunter, who's the game?
I feel the beat and get my fame
I’ll fiin’ly getvictory
I don't wanna tame all my Viking style
I won't be caged from the call of the wild

Shooting at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang, I am the warrior
Well, I am the warrior
And heart to heart I'll win
If you survive the warrior, the warrior

Shooting at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang, I am the warrior
Well, I am the warrior
And heart to heart I'll win
If you survive the warrior, the warrior

Erik:
You ARE a real warrior, Helena!  Forgive me?

Helena:
Of course.  You want some help?

Question #3

In Disney/Pixar’s Frozen, what is the bad guy’s name?

1. Homer

2. Howard

3. Hans

Correct Answer:

Hans

MUSIC CUE – PRICE IS RIGHT THEME

CURTAIN CUE – OPEN CURTAIN

Scene Six – Meet the Summer Dragon and Junior

Otto:
Now, against my better judgment, I gave Helena and Erik permission to go on this crazy adventure.  They journeyed through the frigid mountains and were on the Path of Enlightenment.  Little did they know what they were about to meet.

Exits LEFT.

Blackout

SOUND CUE – WINTER WINDS

Erik and Helena enter from RIGHT.

Erik:
it’s s-s-s-so cold.

Helena:
We’re in the snowy mountains!  It’s supposed to be cold!!!!

Erik:

Where is this Dragon we’re supposed to find?

Helena:
Dragons are supposed to have a keen sense when strangers are approaching.

Erik:
This is crazy!!!!!  I’d rather we be the wimps of the kingdom than be eaten by a dragon.

Helena:
Not me!!!!  But this is YOUR adventure.  If you can tame a dragon, no one will ever pick on you again.

Erik:
Did you hear that????

Helena:
Uh…yeah.  Sounds like a little thing.  Let’s keep going.

Erik:
Okay.

They take a few steps to the LEFT.

SOUND CUE – LOUDER GROWL

Helena:
I think we are getting closer.

Erik:
Ya think!!!!!

SOUND CUE – ROAR

Erik:
Oh, this is not good.

Helena:
Calm down!  She must be here somewhere.

Erik:
This is a big mistake.  Let’s get out of here now!

Helena:
You can’t chicken out now.

LIGHT CUE – RED LIGHT

They erupt into an argument.  Summer Dragon’s head slowly appears at bottom of tower.

Summer:

Hello, kiddies!!!

They stop arguing.  They look at her and then scream.

Oh, no, no, no!  Let’s not scream.  It gives me such a headache.

Helena:
Are you the Summer Dragon?

Summer:

Well, I’m not the Summer Kangaroo!

Cute little laugh.

Erik:
Hi, I’m Erik.  I’d like to tame you.

Summer:
Oh, YOU are the cutest thing!!!!!  Now, let me think.  You want to tame me!

Pause.

I don’t think so.

Erik:
Okay, well thanks for your time.

To Helena.

Let’s go.

Helena:
NO!  You asked the wrong question.

Erik:
I don’t care….let’s go!

Summer:
Is he always this cowardly?

Erik:
You better believe it, lady….uh…dragon.   LET’S GO!!!

Helena:
Don’t you remember what Helga said to you?

Erik:
No…let’s go!

Summer:

Let me try, dear girl.

To Erik.

Tell me what you want and I won’t eat you.

Erik:
Huh?

Summer:
Come here.

Erik:
Uh-uh.

Helena:
This is your one and only chance.

Erik:
I’ll pass.

Summer:
GET OVER HERE!!!!

He is so scared Helena pushes him forward.

Erik:
Waves.

Hi.

Summer:
Okay, Poopsie, what did this Helga tell you?

Erik:
Well….well….she said something about taming a dragon to give me confidence and show the kingdom I can be a hero.

Summer:
And what dragon are you supposed to tame, pork chop?

Erik:
I forgot.

Helena:
Oh, for Pete’s sake!!!  He has to tame your son!

Summer:

Oh, you mean Junior!!!!

Erik:
I guess that’s who.  Do you know where he is?

Summer:
Of course I do.

Erik:
May I see him?

Summer:
What’s the magic word?

Erik:
Abra Cadabra!

Helena:
PLEASE!!!!!!

Junior:
OFF LEFT.

Yeah, ma!

Summer:
We have guests.

Junior:

OFF LEFT.
Do they look delicious?

Erik:
What??????

Summer:
Oh, he’s just kidding.

Junior:
OFF LEFT.

No, I’m not!!!!

Erik:
To Helena.

I’m out of here!!!!

Junior:
Entering from LEFT.

Who are these clowns?

Helena:
I am Helena and this is Erik.  We are from the Kingdom of the Great Fjords!

Junior:
Well, whoop-dee-doo!

Helena:
We have a task to perform for Erik’s sake.

Junior:
Looks at Erik.

And just what task is that?

Erik:
I have to tame you.

Junior:
You have to what???

Erik:
I have to tame you.

Junior looks at Summer and they explode into laughter.

Helena:
Now, just a minute here!!!!

Junior:
Trying to stop laughing.

How are you going to tame me?

Erik:
Well…I…um…..

Junior:
Hmmm?

Erik:
To Helena.

HOW DO I TAME A DRAGON????

Helena:
I don’t know!!!!!!

Erik:
What do you mean you don’t know?

Helena:
Well, I’m sorry, I guess I lost my Dragon Training Manual!!!!

Summer:

Now, now!  Not everyone can be a hero.

Junior:
This is true.  Well, there are delicious looking mice just beyond the ridge!!!  See ya later, scaredy cat!

Erik:
So…you’re gonna call me names too?

Summer:

Oh, Poopsie, don’t be mad.  Just return to your kingdom and stay safe in your mommy’s house.

Erik:
Now, hold on there!!!  I will be a hero and I will tame this dragon.  Come on, Junior!  Let’s go!

Helena:
That was brilliant, Summer Dragon!

Sven:
Helena and Erik are giving that dragon indigestion by now!

Otto:
Poor children!

To Helga.

You never should have put that idea in his head, Helga!

Helga:

Oh sure, blame the Keeper of the Spells!!!!  What do I know?

Otto:
Helga, what DO you know?

Helga:
I have a feeling we are about to find out!!!!

Helena:
Have you seen Erik?

Otto:
This is true.  Your son should never have left.  And Helena, you should have talked him out of it.

Helga:
Looking into the Crystal.

Hold on, everyone!!!!  And image is coming through!!!!!  I see something flying our way….it’s…it’s….

Erik:
OFF RIGHT.

Make some room, hero coming through!!!!

Otto:
Is it a bird?

Sven:
Is it a plane!

Helga:
No, they haven’t been invented yet.

Helena:
It’s…it’s….

It’s Erik the Magnificent and his trusty dragon, Leopold!!!

Junior:

My name is Junior.

Erik:
Leopold sounds better.

Otto:

Crossing to Erik.

Well done, Erik!!!!  This is truly a sight to behold!!!!

Mother:
Oh, Erik, I am so proud of you!!!!

Helena:
And I helped!!!!

Erik:
You know what, Helga?  Being champion is less important than staying alive!!!!!  Let’s go, Junior!!!!!!

Helga:
Okay, go!  Never mind how disappointed your mother will be.

Erik:
That’s not fair!

Helga:
And how much Helena tried to help you.

Junior:
She did do that, you know!

Erik:
Oh, be quiet!!!

Helena:
Entering from LEFT.

What’s going on?

Erik:
Nothing!  Helga says my adventure is only HALF done.

Helena:
Half?  What’s the other half?

Junior:
Oh not much, just go back to the mountains to the Lair of the Winter Dragon and try to defeat him in battle when he’s never lost a battle….EVER.

Helena:
Oh, so when you leaving for the mountains?

Erik:
Did you not hear what he just said!!!!  I couldn’t defeat Sven!  How am I to defeat a Winter Dragon!

Helga:
That is the best question you have asked so far!

The Rest:
What???

Helga:
Looking into Crystal.

There is a secret that the Winter Dragon does not know.  Find it and you will get the better of him.

Erik:
All right!!!   I will go back!

Junior:
You let me know how that works out!

Starts OFF LEFT.

Erik:
You are my best friend, Junior.  You HAVE to help me find this secret.

Helena:
Please Junior, you have to help him.

LIGHT CUE – BLACKOUT

Dragon is removed.  Otto, Sven, Helga, Helena and Mother enter.

LIGHT CUE – LIGHTS UP FULL

Scene Twelve – The Truth

Otto:
Sven, I am ashamed of you!!!  He went up into those mountains and faced the Summer Dragon.  For Erik, that was very brave.  Not everyone can fight with a sword and shield.  He faced a great fear and overcame it.

Helga:
Now, he is facing the worst Dragon of all. 

Mother:
What do you mean?

Otto:
Erik is battling the Winter Dragon.  He is a terrible foe!  We can only hope that Erik can return alive.

Helena:

It’s my fault, too!  I should have talked him out of it.

All:

Erik!

Summer:
You mean are all alike!

Winter:
I owe you an apology, Junior!  And I want to thank your friend for helping me to open my eyes!!!!!

Erik and Junior are now joined by cast.

Otto:
You are indeed a real champion, Erik!

Sven:
I would ride into battle with you anytime!

Helga:
I knew you had it in ya, kid!

Helena:
I could just marry you right now….

Erik looks scared.

Or in a few years!