Before you were mine

Carol Ann Duffy

themes

• Mother-daughter relationships

• Memory and time

• Loss of identity

• Sacrifice and guilt

• Admiration and nostalgia

about

The poem is a daughter's reflection on her mother's life before motherhood—exploring themes of identity, loss, and sacrifice.

context

• A contemporary British poet and the first female Poet Laureate. She often writes about memory, identity, and personal relationships. This poem may reflect her own reflections on motherhood and generational change.

• Feminist Themes: The poem explores the tension between personal identity and the social role of mother, reflecting how motherhood can affect a woman’s sense of self.

form

Dramatic monologue from the daughter’s point of view, with no rhyme scheme—creates a natural, conversational tone.

structure

4 stanzas of 5 lines each (regular structure), reflecting control and contemplation. It contrasts with the lively, free life the mother once had.

• This regular structure reflects the orderliness of memory or how the speaker is trying to make sense of the pastin a

comparison to eden rock

• Both reflect on idealised memories of parents.

• Before You Were Mine is more conflicted and slightly resentful.

• Eden Rock is idealised and serene.

• Themes of time, memory, and the parent-child bond.

comparison to follower

• Both focus on admiration mixed with complex emotions.

• Before You Were Mine: daughter feels guilty or distant from her mother’s youth.

• Follower: son feels inadequate next to father.

• Both use past vs present contrasts and nostalgic tones.

use of enjambment

This mimics the stream of consciousness or natural thought process, which suits the poem’s reflective and nostalgic tone.

Enjambment also creates a fluid, conversational rhythm, enhancing the poem's personal voice.

rhythm

No Fixed Rhyme Scheme (Free Verse)

• Duffy uses free verse, meaning there is no consistent rhyme or meter.

• This allows the poem to feel more natural and personal, like someone recalling memories out loud.

• The lack of rhyme reflects the messiness and imperfection of real relationships and memories.

🔹 Conversational Rhythm

• The poem often sounds like spoken language, especially with colloquial phrases like:

  “I’m ten years away from the corner you laugh on”

• This tone makes the poem feel intimate, as if the speaker is having a conversation with her mother, or even thinking aloud.

use of caesura

Occasional pauses within lines (caesura) slow down the rhythm and give emphasis to certain emotions or ideas

“The decade ahead of my loud, possessive yell was the best one, eh?”

The caesura before “eh?” helps highlight the speaker’s wistful tone and how she imagines interrupting or changing the course of her mother’s life.

"I'm ten years away"

Ownership of mum is inevitable

A vivid image of the mother’s past youth. The speaker places herself in time, imagining her mother before she was born.

"With your pals maggie and Jean"

Real names adds honesty and authenticity to the speaker- gives impression these are real people

"Bend from the waist"

Giddy exuberance- mother is really enjoying herself and lost in the moment

Visual imagery to create a vivid picture of mothers youthful vivacity

"Your polka-dot dress blows round your legs. Marilyn."

Glamorous, iconic image comparing her mother to Marilyn Monroe. Suggests the mother was once carefree, stylish, and admired — a woman with her own identity before motherhood changed her life.

ADMIRATION like follower

"The thought of me doesn't occur"

The speaker acknowledges she didn’t exist yet, allowing her mother total freedom.

"The thousand eyes"

onlookers or admiration, showing her mother's popularity and independence.

Resembles to a mirrorball with lights reflecting all over the room like a thousand eyes

Marilyn imagery again with paparazzi

"Fizzy, movie tomorrows the right walk home could bring"

Promise of youth- you could become anyone or anything

She is young with a whole life ahead of her

"Fizzy" suggests champagne perhaps and glamour. Though champagne doesn't stay fizzy for long just like mothers youth

"Movie" Romance and drama

"Before you were mine"

Reinforces that children dominate their parents lives

Repeated phrase and title. Highlights the possessive tone of the speaker — as if once the mother had her, her old identity was lost to motherhood. It suggests both affection and regret.

"Whose small bites on your neck, sweetheart?"

Playful yet intimate — hints at her mother’s romantic past. The use of "sweetheart" mimics her mother's voice or a teasing tone, reinforcing a sense of curiosity and longing for the untold stories of her mother’s life.

"High-heeled red shoes,relics"

Shift to speakers childhood

The child’s memory of her mother’s glamorous shoes. Calling them “relics” suggests they are symbols of a lost identityor a past life — precious but no longer part of her mother’s reality.

Metaphor- shoes are like an ancient treasure dug up by the daughter implying that the life they symbolise is gone

"Cha cha cha!.. on the way home from mass"

Juxtaposition of ideas that mother is teaching daughter Latin dance steps on the way home from catholic mass on a Sunday

Perhaps reflects the two sides of mother- youthful exuberance but then her more severe parenting

"Sparkle and waltz and laugh "

Polysyndeton and rule of three to summarise her mother was once glamour, sociable and happy

The final lines idealize the mother’s past life. Verbs like "sparkle" and "waltz" evoke beauty, joy, and movement — the mother’s lost glamour and spirit before becoming a parent.