The Addams Family Musical -- Gomez Lines

All lines for Gomez Addams from the Addams Family Musical!

OVERTURE/ANCESTRAL VOICES

Ah... the intoxicating smell of the graveyard. Once a year, we gather beneath our Family Tree to honor the great cycle of life and death. Come, every member of our clan - living, dead - and undecided - and let us celebrate what it is to be an Addams. Come to me, my luscious wife - oh she of skin so pale, eyes so black, and dress cut down to Venezuela - and tell us what it is every Addams hopes for!

MORTICIA: Darkness and grief and unspeakable sorrow.

I love it when you talk sexy!

WHEN YOU’RE AN ADDAMS BEGINS

WHEN YOU’RE AN ADDAMS

YOU NEED TO HAVE A LITTLE MOONLIGHT

WHEN YOU’RE AN ADDAMS

YOU NEED TO FEEL A LITTLE CHILL

YOU HAVE TO SEE THE WORLD IN SHADES OF GRAY

YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME POISON IN YOUR DAY

MORTICIA: THAT’S THE WAY

WHEN YOU’RE AN ADDAMS

YOU NEED TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR

WHEN YOU’RE AN ADDAMS

MORTICIA: YOU NEED TO HAVE A TASTE FOR DEATH

WHO CARES ABOUT THE WORLD OUTSIDE

AND WHAT IT WANTS FROM YOU

WHEN YOU’RE AN ADDAMS

YOU DO WHAT ADDAMS’ ALWAYS DO!

GOMEZ AND MORTICIA: YOU DO WHAT ADDAMS’ ALWAYS DO!

Mi amor!

MORTICIA: Will you love me forever and ever?

We shall be as besotted with each other as the night we met!

MORTICIA: Our first date! You took me to see -

Death of a Salesman.

MORTICIA: How we laughed!

WHEN YOU’RE AN ADDAMS

YOU GOTTA HAVE A LOTTA PASSION

WHEN YOU’RE AN ADDAMS

MORTICIA: YOU NEED TO REALLY LOVE YOUR WIFE

At least once a day.

ADDAMS FAMILY: SOMETHING FUN WE CAN ALL EXHUME

AND GIVE IT ALL TONIGHT

And now, we summon our beloved Ancestors. Why do we do this?

MORTICIA: Because living or dead, family is still family.

Yes! And how do we do this?

FESTER: By dancing on their graves!

Yes! Dance my brother Fester! Time to wake the dead!

ANCESTORS: HOLD YOUR DECAYING

HEAR WHAT WE’RE SAYING

TIME NOW TO GIVE A CHEER!

Line Dance! Bunny Hop! Do the Twist! Rigor Mortis! Death Rattle!

ALL: YOU DO WHAT ADDAMS DO OR DIE!

Until next year my beloved ancestors... Back to your crypt.

SCENE 2 BEGINS

Fight sir, fight like a man! Feel the kiss of my Spanish steel! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Foiled again! Oww! Damn your lightning reflexes!

MORTICIA: Gomez, look.

Ugh! Flowers! Who would send something so tasteless?

MORTICIA: “The most precious gift there is,

More goody-licious than gold,

Is that blessing we call friendship,

Whether new or very old.”

"Goody-licious?" Who talks like this?

MORTICIA: The Beinekes. Wednesday’s friend Lucas and his parents. They’re coming for dinner tonight.

Lucas?

GOMEZ: Lucas?

MORTICIA: Yes.

But Lucas is a boy’s name.

GOMEZ: But Lucas is a boy’s name.

MORTICIA: Yes.

Wednesday has a friend who’s a boy?

WEDNESDAY: Daddy, I have something very important to tell you.

What?

WEDNESDAY: Can you keep a secret?

Of course.

WEDNESDAY: Look.

If I didn’t know any better I’d say that looked like an engagement ring. What are you saying?

WEDNESDAY: Oh daddy, Lucas wants to marry me!

What?!

WEDNESDAY: Lucas Beineke loves me and he wants to marry me.

Do you want to marry him?

WEDNESDAY: Yes. I think so.

You think so?

WEDNESDAY: Well, I’ve never even met his parents, and he’s never met mine, and - I just need to be sure.

That he’s the one?

WEDNESDAY: That the families can get along. I mean, he has to know what he’s getting into.

What are you saying?

WEDNESDAY: I’m saying we’re who we are, and they’re from Ohio.

Ohio? A swing state!

WEDNESDAY: That’s what I mean.

You’re right, this is important. Let’s go tell your mother.

GOMEZ: You’re right, this is important. Let’s go tell your mother.

WEDNESDAY: No.

No? But we have to tell your mother-

WEDNESDAY: Daddy, please! She’ll ask a lot of embarrassing questions and wreck the whole thing.

You don’t want me to tell your mother you’re getting married?

WEDNESDAY: After dinner and we’re all friends, then we’ll tell her.

But I’ve never kept anything from your mother.

WEDNESDAY: Daddy, please!

But-

WEDNESDAY: If you love me.

But-

WEDNESDAY: Do you love me daddy?

THERE ARE TWO THINGS I WOULD NEVER DO

SAY NO TO WIFE

SAY NO TO MY DAUGHTER

SO WHAT EXACTLY SHOULD I DO?

Do you know what you’re asking me to do?

WEDNESDAY: Daddy, one tiny little secret. Please. Please.

OK, OK I promise. I won’t tell your mother.

WEDNESDAY: Oh, thank you daddy! Our little secret, right?

Yes, yes. Our little secret.

WEDNESDAY’S GROWING UP

BUT I’M NOT READY

WEDNESDAY’S GROWING UP

AS TIME SLIPS BY

WHEN DID SHE BECOME

SOMEONE ELSE’S CHUM

SOMEONE ELSE TO MAKE HER FATHER WONDER

“WHY OH WHY?”

WEDNESDAY’S GROWING UP

She’ll be Thursday before you know it.

A PUZZLING THING

A SECRET IN THE HOUSE

A BOY, A GIRL, A RING...

MORTICIA: Something’s wrong with Wednesday.

What do you mean?

MORTICIA: She’s in the kitchen smiling. Like this. Maybe it is this boy.

This boy? Don’t be silly. Ha! I say. And double ha. Ha-ha! You yourself said: puppy love! Come, darling - I feel an urge to take you in my arms. Let’s go upstairs-

GOMEZ: Let’s go upstairs-

MORTICIA: Gomez.

On the other hand, she is a healthy young woman. Like you were. Are. Like you are. She could even fall in love and get married. Like you did.

MORTICIA: Don’t be ridiculous, Gomez. I’m much too young to have a married daughter.

Of course. I didn’t think of that.

MORTICIA: Besides, she’ll have lots of boys.

How do you know?

MORTICIA: Because she’s my daughter.

Yes, but what if - and I have no reason to say this - what if she did meet someone who stole her heart?

MORTICIA: Don’t be silly. When that happens, I’ll be the first to know. Wednesday tells me everything. Just like you do.

THERE ARE THREE THINGS I WOULD NEVER DO

LIE TO MY WIFE

LIE TO MY DAUGHTER

OR TELL THE TRUTH TO EITHER ONE-

MORTICIA: Gomez, you do tell me everything, don’t you?

Of course!

MORTICIA: Oh my. You’re perspiring.

What?

MORTICIA: I hope you’re not coming down with a case of Liar’s Shingles.

No! No!

MORTICIA: I think Wednesday and I should have a little chat.

LIKE A BULL IN THE RING

LIKE THE MODERATE RIGHT WING

I’M TRAPPED

LIKE A FLY IN MY TEA

OR THE NEW YORK DMV

I’M TRAPPED

WITH MY WIFE TO MY LEFT

AND MY DAUGHTER TO MY RIGHT

ANY THOUGHT OF MY ESCAPING MUST BE SCRAPPED

I COULD CHOOSE

SING THE BLUES

BUT NO MATTER WHAT I DO’S

I’M TRAPPED, TRAPPED, TRAPPED

LIKE A BOAT IN A LOCK

OR A CUCKOO IN A CLOCK

I’M TRAPPED

LIKE A CORPSE IN THE GROUND

OR LIKE THEATRE IN THE ROUND

I’M TRAPPED

I COULD CRY, I COULD LIE

I COULD SIMPLY UP AND DIE

BUT IT SEEMS THE DICE I’VE ROLLED HAVE FINALLY CRAPPED

SHOULD I BEG

SHOULD I RAGE

OR STAY SAFELY IN MY CAGE

HOW?

TRAPPED, TRAPPED, TRAPPED

HOW CAN I KEEP A SECRET FROM THE WOMAN I ADORE

THE BITTER BREEZE THAT KEEPS ME HERE

AND COMING BACK FOR MORE

SHE STOKES THE ADDAMS FIRE

SHE HARBORS EACH DESIRE

I’D NEVER TELL HER LIES

BUT WHEN MY DAUGHTER CRIES

HOW CAN I BE EXPECTED THEN TO TURN THE OTHER CHEEK

SHOULD I NOT BE HER HERO ‘STEAD OF SNIVELING AND WEAK

I’LL PICK THE ROUTE THAT’S TRUE

TELL ME WHAT I MUST DO!

SHOULD I GRIPE?

SHOULD I GROAN?

WOULD I RATHER PASS A STONE?

TRAPPED

WIFE GONE WILD

CRAZY CHILD

LITTLE ME UNRECONCILED

I’M TRAPPED

IF I’M WRONG, I’LL BE STRONG

AND WE’LL TRY TO GET ALONG

OR I’LL FAIL, HAVE TO BAIL

SHOW MY COFFIN TO THE NAIL

IF I NAPPED

IF I SNAPPED

MAYBE DINNER WOULD BE SCRAPPED

THEN I WOULDN’T BE-

TRAPPED! TRAPPED! TRAPPED!