Exam 1 of marriage and family

cultural identity refers to the shared beliefs, values, attitudes, and practices of a group of people that are learned and transmitted across generations

true or false

true

strong families see crises as an opportunity

true or false

true

According to the family strength model a good way to cope with stress is to detach form other family members until the stressor passes

true or false

false

strong families use humor to cope with difficult situations

true or false

true

agree to disagree occurs in strong families

true or false

true

According to the couple and family map the higher a family scores on the cohesion dimension the healthier the family

true or false

false

according to the couple and family map a healthy family is

unstructured

flexibly structured

chaotic structured

rigidly structured

flexibly structured

families that are considered too flexible are what

chaotic

rigid

health

enmeshed

chaotic

a family flexibility is related to its ability to

switch powers

switch roles

adjust rules

all of the above

all of the above

which kind of love lacks passion according to Sternberg

romantic

fatuous

consummate

companionate

companionate

trust honesty dependability and faithfulness are part of which family strength?

appreciation and affection

positive communication

commitment

spiritual wellbeing

commitment

caring for each other friendship respect for individuality and playfulness are art of which family strength ?

appreciation and affection

positive communication

commitment

spiritual wellbeing

appreciation and affection

which of the following is NOT a family strength identified by stinnet?

ability to cope with stress

time together

attainment of wealth

commitment

attainment of wealth

which of the following is NOT a balanced type of family structure

flexibly connected

structurally cohesive

chaotically disengaged

structurally connected

chaotically disengaged

according to Stern berg this love lacks commitment and passion but has intimacy

companionate

liking

empty

romantic

liking

According to Sternberg this love has all intimacy passion and commitment

companionate

compassionate

consummate

cohesive

consumate

according to Sternberg which type of love lacks commitment but has intimacy and passion

companionate

consummate

romantic

fatuous

romantic

According to Dr. Mendez real love equals

friendship and passion

passion plus caring

friendship plus caring

friendship plus passion plus commitment

friendship plus passion plus commitment

which of the following could be a christian characteristic of friendship that davis and Todd did not mention

mutual assistance

confession

confiding

spontaneity

confession

cultural humility encourages empathy and strategic questioning along with

open mindedness

curiosity

teachable attitude

all of above

all above

___allows a parent to behave unfairly toward a child without experiencing remorse

constructive entitlement

constructive crediting

destructive entitlement

destructive crediting

destructive entitlement

the bible verse “the sins of the fathers will be visited on their children” is an illustration of:

the revolving slate

constructive entitlement

visible loyalty

all of above

the revolving slate

---

___is an acknowledging the contribution to one’s life by another

exoneration

blaming

due crediting

self delineation

due crediting

the differentiated person responds to other family members in a(n) ___ manner

automatic

autonomous

triangulated

fused

autonomous

the process of bringing in a third family members to reduce anxiety and conflict between two family members is called:

cut off

triangulation

fusion

detriangulation

triangulation

according to the Mcmaster model of family functioning___ refers to a family member ability to respond to family members with feelings that fit the situation whereas___ refers to a family members interest in and appreciation for the activities of other family members

affective responsiveness; affective involvement

affective involvement ; affective responsiveness

affective responsiveness; affective involvement

list two Christian characteristics of friendship not mentioned by Davis and Todd that were cited in lecture

forgiveness and honesty

explain how the intimacy triangle works

both husband and wife be close to god will strengthen their relationship having God as their center allows for each person to grow closer together

what is important to men regarding relationhsips?

friendship, trust, companionship and respect

sex therapists

work with individuals

sex educators

works with groups of people

solve intimacy by…

learning body anatomy

relax enjoy have a good time

understand responses

touch don’t rush

enjoy it without guilt

sensate focus

give pleasure without seeking something in return

examples of sensate focus

stop and go method:relase not fast

squeeze technique pain/pleasure

successful marriage dynamic

equality results in better marriage

when wife feels equal more successful marriage

how to communicate?

positive communication improves marriage:promotes assertiveness and self confidence

negative communication results in avoidance and partner dominance

you get what you want emotes positive feelings

positive influences have I statements

true

assertive and asseritive is a win

true

gender differnces?

women view communication as method to sustain emotions

men want closeness acts of service

self disclosure

reveals personal info or feelings that other wouldn’t know unless told info to one another or more people this is great

Dance of anger metaphor

how to mange anger 5 dffernt types

5 diff types of anger metaphor

pursuer

distancer

overfunctionaer

underfunctioner

pursuer

creates enmeshed types of intimate relationship has high cohesion, value taking and expressing needs togetherness

Distance

disengaged serpated not vulnerable no dependency terminate relarionship when to intense

underfunctioner

hig felxibilty not organized less competent

overfunctionaer

low on flexibility rigid structured takes charge reliable put together

blamer

enmeshed, trys to cahng others

wome are typically what in the 5 types

pursuer underfunctional

men are typically what out of the 5 types

distancer overfunctioner

strategies for communication diifuclt issues

-focus on potive aspects of other perosn

call tie out chill tehn tlakk again

try to lsten carfully

get to the point

dont humiliate

dont expect them to read ur minnd

dont nag dont avoid cycle

avoid giving ultimatums

grow up calm down act adult

conflict resolution for couples

communicate by clarifying relevant issues share thoughts about solution

write it down

don’t wait until heat of argument

positive communication for couples

talk when calm not tempered

talk back before issues developed compromise

when conflict arise approach it

homogamy theroy mate solution

people marry others like themselves true!

example culture religion background

SVR part of homogamy theory

stimulus physical attraction humor

values religion ambition

Role of husband and wife

psychoanalytical theories of mate selctionn

narcissistic gratification someone compliments us makes us whole

repetition compulsion

unconscious tendency to repeat a traumatic event or its circumsatnces

imago theory

partners with characteristics or negative characteristics of parents

find love of Ur life issues

issues marry young

marry fast

too eager

low experience

unaddressed mental issues

find love of Ur life

be healthy

feel deep love

passionate love let it mature

unselfish love commitments happiness to partner

take interest master intimacy

4 methods of intimacy

interest

commitment

comadiere

participation

clear conflict respecting and validating non defensiveness

pledge forevr commitment

celebrate it

love and respect

show love how they feel love “loved wife as god loved church”

should be unconditional

best way to love a man respect him

respect meet her deepest need for love

crazy cycle

no love no respect and no respect leads to no love

how to spell love with your wife

have closeness

pursue her

talk to her

spend time

openness

revel urself

understand value relationship over problem solving validate feelings listen to her have humility say sorry

commitment wear ring

cherish her

husband desires

5 A

affirm

appreciate has desire companionate fun communication

acknowledge sexual help

accept leadership

allow influence accept feedback

% as and what men desire

they desire excitement women desire emerges sex is good when wife leads

4 horsemen apocalypse mindset

criticism think about urself

contempt insult partner

defensiveness deny excuse, cross complaining “ i don’t Ur right”

misleading assumes what they think

conflict resolution

set place of discussion

understand problem from perspective of partner

humble acknowledge problem conflict

explore problem origin conflict

problem solution

identify what each want

brainstorm create win win soltuions

choose 1 or 2 solutions try out follow up

asses conflicyt

financial freedom

step 1 create a budget; save money

step 2 identify goals: think in future

step 3:cut up your credit cards: get rid fo debt

step 4 make savings automatic

step 5:perfect credit by paying in time

step 6 :frist have saving account then retirement plan

credit cards

pros: build credit, become better with money pay off every month

cons: not wise lead to date debt increases when you are young it is easy to spend and abuse

components of a successful marriage

partners start as friends = successful marriage

independent and mature individuals

love each other and themselves /good self esteem

enjoy alone time and spending time together

both have satisfying occupation

both know themselves open/honest

both express themselves assertively

focus on lovers needs

keep marriage as top priority

keep stability in relationship and this benefits child

more time for partner

make time for dates

if marriage suffer get professional help

Prayer in marriage

family that stays together pray together\more prayer increase increase relationship satisfaction

adding prayer to marriage increase healthiness of it

styles of parenting

democratic

authoritarian

permissive

rejecting

uninvolved solitary

democratic

self reliant cheerful achievement orianted best out fo three

authoritarian

conflicted irritable unhappy unstable more depressed

permissive

impulsive rebellious underachieving too much enmeshed

rejecting

immature physiologically challenged no needs met

uninvolved solitary

withdrawn underachieving ignore disregards them

dating dos and don’ts

2 reasons to date pleasure and find mate

take it slow

don’t be physical fast

friendship = good foundation

see how they get along with parents

know their fam

what u dislike get bigger in marriage

notice how they treat others

be realistic no rose-colored glasses

staying in love is hard requires intelligence community creativity

trust feelings and use brain

coping stress

how we cope affect others

coping requires planning effort not always positive

successful coping you take on life challenges with personal control

involves humor and patience

chine pictograph

means danger and opportunity results in strong families sometimes positive outcomes

strategies to manage stress

look for positive and negative situations

pull together not apart

open of ur feelings

flexible handle roles tasks

don’t worry about what u cant change

meet challenges head on

cry humor is good

o with flow

issue one at a time

don’t blame each other

have meaning and purpose in life

have meaning and purpose in life

rely on spiritual belief

show love for each other

NCAAD recomnedations

Yes

learn about alcoholism and drug dependence

speak up offer support

don’t expect them to step without help

support recovery accept that isnt an ongoing process

No:

preach scold lecture

don’t guilt or martyr

dont take their responsibility

dont argue when using alcohol

don’t feel guilty for them

dont join

step fam adjustment

fear of being replaced no cared

sad losing og fam

loyalty conflict such as parent not like each other

uncertainty ove fam and relationship

exposure to conflict

feel invaded resentful

change fo rules expectations present change

finances

God provides and owns money

cant idolize money

cant have 2 masters

usually trade of between money and time

delayed gratification key to financial security

tips on saving money

tallk about economic priorities design a budget

pay debt lower spending be realistic

have joint and separate accounts

keep it simple

agree who does day to day management

avoid debt

every 1.66 you spend is 1 dollar you earn

only borro what you cna proved or borrow

value asset exceeds loan amount

payment must be manager

careful with credit cards

put money away for expenses in future that can occur

give donate invest in god and his kingdom

give cheerfully and to children

learn how to save

be friends with those who manages finances well

parental styles

parent as counselor

explore child feelings

LISTEN UP VALIDATE EMPATHIZE BY OFFERING HELP SPEAK TRUTH PRAY FRO CHILD

PARENT AS COmFORTER

ENCOURAGE

PROVED MEANINGFUL TOUCH

PLAY AND PRAY

PARENT AS AOUTHORITY

DSICPLINE = LOVE TOWARD REIGHTOUSNES

TAKES COURGAE TO PEACE AND HOLINESS

4 characteristics of dicipline

having clear rules and routines

have specific requests

effective follow through

consistency

natural consequences

no parent interference child learns alone theri consequence

Time out

when dangerous intervene and discipline

follow through

reinforce (+) behavior physically make them do it time out loss of privilege when then

natural consequences, overcorrection, ignore

make sure to avoid arguments work together be united when child acts up, be assertive yes=yes no=no don’t belittle or shame

characteristics of successful single parents

sample “those who displayed a (+) attitude toward their personal parental role and who also appeared competent in the role

common themes

acceptance of responsibilities and challenges in single parent families

example restricted social life sole provider

prioritization of parental role willing sacrifice time money energy for child’s sake

employment of consistent non- punitive discipline open communication

emphasis on open communication

ability to foster individuality within supportive family unit

recognition of need self reassurance / time/ self care

dedication to rituals and traditions

managing stress by increasing resources and decreasing demands

suggestions to manage

pray exercise accept say sorry

personal stress management plan

mental

physical

emotional

spiritual

serenity prayer

God gave me the serenity to accept that i cant challenge and have courage fro what I can change and wisdom to know the difference

undersatnd this

Ten Qualities of the Super-Well

1. Deeply committed to a cause outside of oneself

2. Physically able to do whatever one wants with intensity and great energy

3. A caring and loving person on whom others lean in a crisis

4. In tune with the spiritual—having a clear sense of purpose and direction

5. Intellectually sharp—possessing a curious mind

6. Having a good sense of humor

7. Well organized and productive

8. Able to live in and enjoy the present

9. Comfortable with experiencing the full range of human emotions

10. Accepting of one’s limitations, handicaps and mistake

Demands and resources

·       You can decrease stress by either Decreasing Demands

 OR Increasing Resources

Tips for step families

1. Do not expect the same level of cohesion

2. Find a new place to live

3. Define and redefine the role of the step-parent

4. Work together as a couple. Present a united front. Make the marriage top priority.

5. Relate to each child individually. Think about the needs and wishes of each child separately.Fair does not mean equivalent.

6. De-triangle yourself from conflict between your spouse and your child.

7. Maintain some old traditions and rituals while developing new traditions and rituals unique to the stepfamily

8.Remember that there are solutions but not always perfect solutions.

9. Spend time alone with biological children and with step-children.

10. Accept the reality of a different feeling of connection with biological and step-children while maintaining a commitment to behaving fairly.

11. Maintain a cooperative and courteous relationship with your former spouse. Talk to them directly and when child is not present when issues need to be discussed.

12. Consider “visiting” children as simply living with you for shorter periods of time. Have them share in chores and projects and significant family events. Give them space for toys, personal belongings etc.

13. Give your spouse top priority. Have date nights.

14. Schedule family meetings to process feelings, solve problems, and plan family

activities. Get everyone involved

DIAL

1.              Understanding the DIAL personality styles

-Decisive

Direct and to the point, focus is on own objectives, quick to communicate ideas, selective listener,

does not like verbose explanations. Will ask “what” questions.

-Interactive

Emotional and enthusiastic speaker. Seeks non-verbal feedback and animated reactions from

others, comfortable talking, may take a while to get to the point, sensitive to tone of voice, tries to

persuade others, Will ask “who” questions.

-Agreeable

Takes time to process before speaking, low keyed style. A natural listener who always tries to understand and support. Prefer to speak through actions rather than words. Will ask “how”questions, slow to share ideas, opinions and feedback.

-Logical

Asks questions. Listens to assess. Discards information of the speaker if facts are incorrect.

Precision and accuracy valued. Will ask “Why” questions

 

Responding to Conflict: If you are a high

-Decisive

Stay flexible, listen carefully, watch your tone of voice and volume, speak the truth in love, take a

time out if you need to regroup, think before you speak, admit mistakes and apologize, especially

if others are offended. Don’t make demands. Be patient and allow time for processing thoughts

and feelings.

-Interactive

Watch out for emotional reasoning, listen carefully, think before speaking, don’t exaggerate the facts, state your hurts rather than hurting back, keep your disclosures concise and organized. Stay

realistic.

-Agreeable