IPC Midterm 1

The four attachment styles

1. Secure (low anxiety/low avoidance) = usually comfortable with intimacy,
   seeks close ties, has high self-esteem & solid management of emotions.

2. Preoccupied (high anxiety/low avoidance) = has a desire for close
   relationships, but an intense fear of rejection-typically struggles w/ emotions

   • As such, this person may use sex to satisfy their need to feel loved.

   • Tends to react very negatively to relational conflict, often displaying a lack of trust and self-love (e.g., You never loved me anyways!)

   • People with this attachment style have a hard time maintaining long term relationships.

3. Dismissive (low anxiety/high avoidance) = close relationship are not
   important, self-reliance is prioritized and valued-view themselves positively.

   • As such, when faced with relational conflict, this person makes a hasty exit (" I don't need this anyways-im all good on my own")

   • This person is more likely to favor casual sex and believe that sex without love is a good thing--as it avoids unnecessary intimate connection with another person

4. Fearful (High anxiety/ High avoidance) = This person fears rejection and avoid relationships. This person (hesitantly) forms close ties with people who are less likely to abandon them (e.q. a disabled grandparent or kids)

How you become more securely attached

Becoming close with another secure person

Strategies for offering competent supportive communication

Express empathy, actively listen, offer encouragement, and provide appropriate emotional, informational, esteem, or tangible support based on the person’s needs.

The big 5 personality traits

1. Openness - the extent to which you like to learn new things and enjoy new
   experiences

2. Conscientiousness - the extent to which you behave cautiously, take obligations to others seriously, and keep long-term goals.

3. Extraversion - the degree to which one is outgoing and sociable (verses quiet
   and reserved)

4. Agreeableness - the extent to which you are cooperative, polite, kind, and friendly.

5. Neuroticism - the tendency with which you experience negative emotions or bad thoughts about yourself.

Gender vs gender identity vs gender expression

• Gender – A social and cultural construct that defines roles, behaviors, and expectations traditionally associated with men and women.

• Gender Identity – A person’s internal sense of their gender (e.g., man, woman, nonbinary), which may or may not align with their assigned sex at birth.

• Gender Expression – How someone outwardly presents their gender through clothing, behavior, and appearance, which may differ from their gender identity or societal expectations.

While gender is a broad concept, gender identity is internal, and gender expression is external.

The critiques of saying a trans man (or trans woman) is not a real woman/man

Critiques of claiming a trans man (or woman) is “not real” focus on:

1. Gender vs. Sex – Gender is identity, not just biology.

2. Medical Consensus – Experts affirm trans identities as valid.

3. Legal & Social Recognition – Many societies legally recognize trans people’s identities.

4. Harmful Impact – Denial fuels discrimination and mental health struggles.

5. Inconsistent Standards – Definitions of “real” men/women are often selectively applied.

Overall, gender is shaped by identity, experience, and recognition, not just biology.

The role of truth in the gender debate

The role of truth in the gender debate centers on how truth is defined—biologically, socially, or personally:

1. Biological Truth – Some argue truth is based on chromosomes and anatomy, defining gender strictly by biology.

2. Social Truth – Others see gender as socially constructed, shaped by culture and lived experiences.

3. Personal Truth – Many view gender as an individual identity, where self-perception is the most authentic truth.

The debate often hinges on whether truth is fixed and objective or flexible and subjective, influencing legal rights, social acceptance, and identity recognition.

The reasons people add their pronouns on their social media profiles

• to let you or others know which pronouns to use when speaking about them. This is a way to help people avoid accidentally misgendering someone

• Because of this it can also be used to signal that you are either member of the community or that you are supportive of trans (and genderqueer) people.

Looking glass self

also known as reflected appraisal, explains that we see ourselves reflected in other people's reactions to us and then form our self-concept based on how we believe other people see us

Self-fulfilling prophecy

predictions about future interactions that lead us to behave in ways that ensure the interaction unfolds as we predicted

Attributional complexity

• When we judge a person incorrectly (eg make an error in judgment)

• One antidote to this error is practicing attributional complexity which is acknowledging that other people's behaviors have complex causes

  • Ex. Muslim woman wears a hijab - without knowing Islam you would think it oppressing women - it's out of respect, not oppression

  • This practice is especially important when dealing with people who are from different cultures, because when we try to understand why people behave differently, we develop compassion for them, instead of being uncomfortable or fearful

Fundamental attribution error

• the tendency to judge others based on their personality traits rather than considering external factors. It's a common cognitive bias that can impact communication and lead to conflict. 

The hard-to-get phenomenon

Idea that those who seem hard to get are attractive; want them because you can't have them

• Studies show we are attracted to those who present a bit of a challenge

• When people play too hard to get their scheme often backfires because people find them unattainable so they give up

• Too easy to show that anyone can have them which is less attractive

Halo vs horn effect

Halo effect = when people assume someone has favorable qualities based on another irrelevant quality

• professors; big homes, big cars, and positive qualities because they have power in the classroom

• Addition to attraction → shows how we add extra qualities because we think they are good-looking 

Horn effect = tendency to interpret anything a person says or do does as negatively because you already have a tarnished view of their character

• Your ex decides to pay for your food, and you assume that they are trying to get something from you instead of their act of generosity

The strategies for managing emotions (e.g., attention focus)

1. Try and modify or control the emotion once we become aware of it.

   • Suppression - involves "holding back" thoughts, arousal, and outward behavioral displays of emotions (this is the most common, and least effective, way people control emotions)

   • Venting - Allowing emotions to dominate our thoughts and explosively expressing them.

2. People also try to flat-out prevent unwanted emotions from happening.

   • Encounter avoidance - staying away from people, places, or activities that you know will provoke emotions you don't want to experience (e.g., avoiding an encounter with an ex).

   • Encounter structuring - intentionally avoiding specific topics that you know will provoke unwanted emotion during encounters with others (e.g., no politics at the dinner table!)

   • Attention focus - intentionally devoting your attention only to aspects of an event or encounter
     that you know will not provoke an undesired emotion (my mom = always right intention).

   • Deactivation - this is when, especially after a traumatic emotional event, a person decides they no longer want to feel anything--at all (this is unhealthy, and can lead to depression)

3. Reappraisal - actively changing how you think about the meaning of emotional situations so that their emotional impact is changed.

The listening styles

1. Action-oriented - listening to take action--this person likes brief and straight
   forward messages (if their partner is mad, they want to solve it right away)

2. Time-oriented - Also prefer quick encounters, usually because they have given a specific amount of time to their conversations (if their partner is mad, they might say "Let's talk tomorrow and figure this out, I don't have time"

3. People-oriented - listening is viewed as an opportunity to connect with others. These people value others' thoughts, feelings, and experiences because doing so helps them make connections (guesses on partner issues?).

Content-oriented - These people listen depending on the content--if they find what you're saying intellectual, interesting, or important, they focus and respond. These people tend to enjoy "deep" conversations--and pseduo listen otherwise. (So how would this person handle a sad partner?)

Bookkeeping/Conversion/Subtyping Model

• Bookkeeping model - suggests that we change our schemas gradually as we encounter information that doesn't fit them (e.g., realizing you like someone when initially you did not)

• Conversion model - When an intense encounter with discrepant information radically changes an existing schema. (e.g.,a person who strongly believes that all pit bulls are dangerous due to media portrayals. However, after adopting a pit bull and experiencing its affectionate and gentle nature firsthand, their perspective shifts completely, and they come to see pit bulls as loving and misunderstood dogs.)

• Subtyping model - forming subcategories of an overall schema to deal with new and discrepant information. (e.g., A person believes that all gamers are introverted and antisocial. However, after meeting a highly outgoing and social gamer, instead of changing their overall belief, they create a subtype—"extroverted gamers"—while still maintaining their general view that most gamers are introverted.?

Fatal attraction

when the qualities that draw us to someone eventually contribute to a relational breakup

• British accent ends up getting very annoying

Strategies for actively listening

1. Paraphrasing - summarizing others' comments after they're done talking

2. Probing - asking questions (often to better understand situations/feelings)

3. Back-channel cues - verbal and nonverbal behaviors that signal you're paying attention and you understand (e.g., nodding, eye contact, "uhh huh")

4. Silence - sometimes being silent gives a person the space to reflect and realize the answer themselves. Using silence, and then saying: "Please continue" is a powerful listening tactic (best for particularly emotional issues).

5. Open body positioning - a relaxed posture that is slightly leaning towards the person is best--no crossing arms! (the next one is crucial for sensitive talks)

Set the scene - allow enough time, pick a comfortable location, no phones

Intersectionality

certain identities are oppressed more than others. Each of us have a complex combination and co cultural identities and experiences

people can face multiple forms of discrimination simultaneously, leading to unique communication barriers. Different communication styles may be influenced by intersecting identities, making it essential to consider context when analyzing interactions.

The skills of a highly emotionally intelligent person

1. An acute understanding of their own emotions (when they feel an emotion, they "learn" the emotion--ultimately understanding its roots)

2. They know how to constructively manage their own emotions, such as exercising, meditating, "being alone," etc. (they have healthy coping mechanisms when dealing with their emotions)--such as?

3. They have developed the capacity for harnessing their emotional states in ways that create competent decision making, communication, and relationship problem solving (they know how to leverage emotions to motivate themselves to improve their life) (e.g., Michael Jordan story)

4. Ability to see things from others' perspectives and to have a sense of compassion regarding other's emotional states (empathy)

The goal of this class is to improve your communication on three levels. What are those levels?

you, who you are, and “why you are”

Implicit biases and how to curb them

Implicit biases are unconscious attitudes or stereotypes that influence our perceptions and decisions. To curb them:

1. Increase Awareness – Recognize personal biases through self-reflection and tests (e.g., Implicit Association Test).

2. Seek Diverse Perspectives – Engage with different cultures, experiences, and viewpoints.

3. Slow Down Decision-Making – Avoid snap judgments by taking time to assess situations objectively.

4. Practice Perspective-Taking – Put yourself in others’ shoes to challenge assumptions.

5. Hold Yourself Accountable – Encourage feedback and be open to change.

Reducing implicit bias requires continuous self-awareness and intentional action.

Benevolent vs hostile prejudice

Benevolent prejudice and hostile prejudice are two forms of biased attitudes:

• Benevolent Prejudice – Appears positive but is paternalistic and condescending (e.g., “Women are naturally nurturing, so they should stay home with kids”).

• Hostile Prejudice – Overtly negative and antagonistic (e.g., “Women are too emotional to be leaders”).

Both reinforce stereotypes and inequality, but benevolent prejudice can be more insidious because it seems supportive while limiting opportunities.

Internal vs external attributions

Internal and external attributions explain the causes of behavior:

• Internal Attribution – Assigns behavior to personal traits, abilities, or choices (e.g., “She succeeded because she’s hardworking”).

• External Attribution – Blames situational factors outside a person’s control (e.g., “He was late because of traffic”).

Attributions shape how we judge others and interpret events in daily life.

We treat our perceptions about others as ________

reality

The Jefferson rule

slowly count to 10 before speaking or acting

The most helpful act when managing grief

emotion sharing, talking about your grief with others who are experiencing or have experienced similar pain, or people who are skilled at providing you with much needed emotional support

Assimilating vs separating in a culture

assimilate - conforming to the culture

separate - evade

• goes in the corner and does own thing, for example the Muslims in Deebrin

Culture vs co-culture

Culture - "An established, coherent set of beliefs, attitudes, values, and practices shared by a large group of people."

Co-culture - Members of a society who co-exist with their dominant culture, but do not conform to that dominant culture in terms of things like their language, values, lifestyle, or even appearance (e.g., think Christians in Egypt, a Muslim country).

Because people in co-cultures are different than the dominant group, they tend to either assimilate (conform), accommodate (persuade), or separate (evade)

when dealing with members of the dominant culture.