BIRDS 5.1

RAINING

Clark? Clark?!

What? (1)

Clark, get down here!

Hiya, doll.

Where were you?

When?

Today, Clark. Today. At the parade.

What’s that there?

It’s a hat.

What sort of hat?

The sort of hat one puts on one’s head.

Lemme get a look at this hat.

Do you understand how embarassed I felt?

In a hat like this I’m not surprised.

What’s the matter with you?

If you’re hung up on account of I didn’t go to some vainglorious parade, that’s your business, not mine.

I’m going upstairs.

What?

Why does the air feel different?

How should I know? I’m not a meteorologist savant.

Why have all my things been moved?

Earthquake. How much did this thing cost anyway?

Why are the books out of order?

Oh, I decided to read.

So you chose, ‘Speak with Distinction’ and ‘Wifely Duties.’

Did you ever think, princess, maybe I was searching for some way to get you more committed to your wifely duties?

I cannot stand you sometimes.

That makes both of us.

Clark, was someone here?

No.

(Thunder. Edith hears a thump on the roof, she watches Clark closely to see if he reacts.)

Want a drink? Edith?

What?

Do you want something to drink?

I can’t do this anymore. Clark, I want a divorce.

Hey, hey, woah, whoah- where is this coming from?

Everywhere.

Because I didn’t march in a parade?

Sure.

Because I do not think there’s grounds for that. There are, however, grounds for frigidity.

Let’s do that one then.

But I would have to bring it against you. …What would you do?

I don’t know.

See?

(Thunder. Edith sees a bird fall from the sky. She gasps and hurries to the window.) Tell me I’m not going crazy. Insanity is grounds for divorce, isn’t it?

Where are you going?

Outside.

No, no, no, hang on-

Let go!

I can’t let you out in that torrent.

Let go of me, you brute-

You’ll catch pneymonia.

I don’t care what I catch, I want to check-

Tomorrow I am scheduling you an appointment with Dr. Gruber.

No, no, no-

(Phone call with Fred/Daisy enters. Chuck is dead!) Where are my papers?

Papers? What papers?

The papers that were in my briefcase. The papers that are now no longer in my briefcase.

I don’t know.

Don’t give me that. You know where every goddamn speck of dust is in this house.

I never touched your papers. Well, I did, but only on account of you left them spread out on the table.

And where did you put them?

In your briefcase.

I don’t see ‘em!

Do you think you could have left them in your office?

Are you okay?

Honey, I am sorry about Chuck, but maybe you had better go.

I came over to return your books yesterday. Do you think the papers were in his briefcase then?

I don’t know.

And we looked at your scrapbooks. I enjoyed that.

Thanks, honey.

(He storms to Edith’s cabinet)

No, no, no, Clark, don’t do that please-

Move.

They’re not in here.

How do you know? You hide everything else in this snake pit.

I’ll look, all right? I’ll look.