developmental psychology ch10

Long term romantic relationships: Theories

1. Similarity hypothesis - homogamy

2. Complementarity

Similarity theory:

1. Similarities in physical appearance, race/ethnicity, education, socioeconomic status, religion → provides basis for dating

2. More disclose about themselves, look for similarity in values, attitudes, beliefs, and personality traits → if compatible: relationship may survive

Influence of personality traits like stability and agreeableness.

Sternberg’s love triangle:

Three components of adult love relationships:

1. Passion (sexual arousal)

2. Intimacy (feeling of closeness)

3. Commitment (marriage/exclusivity)

Change across relationship: passion → intimacy → commitment

Keeping passion and intimacy takes work.

Attachment styles in terms od models:

Influence of attachment on relations:

• Secure: Positive emotions, longer relationships, can discuss various issues

• Dismissing: fear of intimacy, shut-down, inhibition of feelings

• Preoccupied: Obsessive/jealous, emotional during conflicts

What are internal working models shaped by:

Early parent-kid relations, but influenced by the quality of later relationships (sensitive parents).

Does marriage make people happy?

Robust evidence: marriage status is linked to better health and subjective well-being - stronger effects for men, but benefits of marriage apply to happy marriages.

Also no differences in midlife happiness in married vs long-term cohabiting couples.

Marriage begins with high expectations, after which disenchantment sets in = happiness peaks in honeymoon phase.

Satisfaction goes down rapidly but goes a bit up after empty nest.

Divorce: Separation can cause…

• Moving

• Homework burden

• Legal hassles

• Financial problems

Divorce: Positive and Negative changes

Positive changes:

• Production of emotional growth and feelings of self-sufficiency

• Relief for some who were unhappy

Negative changes:

• Disengagement of one parent through lack of contact/paying child support

• Challenges with discipline or lack of connection to step children

Divorce after a good or bad marriage:

• Divorce after bad marriage: Increase in happiness

• Divorce after good marriage: Decrease in happiness

Decline of marriage rates: Deinstitutionalization

Marriage no longer a fixed institution and emergence of alternative family forms during the last third of 20th century.

Examples:

More childbirth outside marriage

Probability of divorce higher

Percentage of married couples lower

More children living with one parent

More people living alone

Living together before marriage - Netherlands:

More normal to live together for some time first before getting married or continue as unmarried couples → larger share 35 year olds who cohabit without being married.

Diverse lifestyles - Single;

In 2009 in US, 25-35 year olds as many single as married - 46-46%.

Stereotypes: swinging single vs desperately lonely, suicidal

Indeed: diversity, various reasons for being single - chosen/not

Often deep bonds with siblings, friends, younger adults

Diverse lifestyles - Non-heterosexual marriage

In NL: same-sex marriage legalised 2001.

In US: 2015. In Germany: 2017

Stigma, prejudice, discrimination still highly prevalent

Characteristics - similar to heterosexual, balance of everything - flexible gender roles, higher quality

Challenges for new parents

• Altercations in hormones

• Neurobiology

• Physical health

• Self-concept

• Perceived efficacy

• Emotional health

• Relationships

• Social networks

• Unrealistic expectations

Relationships threat

Less time for intimacy, division of labor

Postpartum depresion

Diverse lifestyles - Single

Challenges - forming intimate relationships, loneliness, marriage-oriented society, social and financial prejudice.

Advantages - more time for life decisions, autonomous decisions, time to develop personal resources, explore places and things, privacy.

Older adults who never married - easier to cope with loneliness in old age.

US survey - 2012 -

39% of singles uncertain about getting married

34% wants to get married

27% doe not want to get married

Division of labour

Fathers are starting to pitch in to do hands on childcare, their involvement is still skewed towards play activities.

Women provide 2x hands on childcare.

Significant variability in father involvement - related to views on women.

Parenting is a major transition in adulthood, characterised by growth and loss.

Parents use compensatory processes to minimise the impact of loss.

Parenthood and the brain

Transition to parenthood leads to decrease in cognitive functions and brain volume during pregnancy - persists for at least 2 years.

Changes in brain volume positively related to maternal attachment after birth.

Effects of childbirth and parenthood

• Initial positive effect only on Life satisfaction LS - increases before birth and decreases after birth and continues to decrease after second child.

• LS and relationship satisfaction RS decrease

• RS permanently below pre-birth level

• Effects on affective well-being are small but positive

• Decrease in self-esteem too, a bit less after second pregnancy

• Parenthood makes couples less intimate and happy and produces traditional conflict-ridden marital roles

• Big variability - good relationship prior is key

• Insecurity - am I a good parent?

Time spent with children

Mothers spend more time with their children than previous generations.

Midlife

Those in midlife are often involved in caregiving and support for their kids and their parents.

In 2012, 47% of middle aged adults with kids have a parent over 65 years.

Subjective well-being of middle aged adults is often linked to the perception if their children have successfully adjusted after leaving home.

Empty nest

When child becomes adult - new adjustment phase for parents

Empty nest syndrome

Not the majority, decline in marital satisfaction.

For most, increase in marital satisfaction and quality time together.

Boomerang kids/back to bedroom

Financial and emotional support - can be positive experience for both, but also…

For parents - loss of privacy, conflicting schedules, relationship with partner is invaded

For children - loss of privacy and independence, feel like being treated as a child

Grandparenthood

First time grandparents mostly during middle age.

Increase in longevity -

1900 4% of 10 year olds have grandparents

2000 40%

Different meanings - source of biological reward and. continuity, emotional self-fulfilment or remote role

Grandmothers have more contact

Cultural - Mexican vs non-Latino, African Americans

Grandparenthood - changing profile

• Increase in number of children who live with at least one grandparent

• Divorce, adolescent pregnancies, drug use by parents

• Full-time caregiving grandparents - elevated risk for health problems, depression & stress compared to part-time caregiving grandparents (Silverstein, 2009; Hadfield, 2014)|

→ Full-time caregiving grandparents are often from low-income minority groups, and not married