Christian families exam 1

Define intimacy

Knowing and being known; “the process of mutual self-revelation that inspires us to give ourselves completely to another person in the mystery we call love”

What is meant by the phrase “the rigors of intimacy”?

being aware of your own problems, accepting when you're wrong, letting yourself be known

What is “gender dysphoria”?

Refers to the extreme psychological distress that stems from a feeling of incongruence with one’s sex

What does David Brooks mean when he says the nuclear family is more “fragile” than the extended family?

There is no backup for the family. There is no support system if someone falls through the cracks

Name any specific statistic you can recall that illustrates the significant changes in family structure between 1800-2020

in 1960, 27% of marriages ended in divorce. Today, it’s 45%.

What was the 1950-1965 “window” David Brooks describes?

Divorce rates dropped, fertility rates rose, and the nuclear family was considered ideal

What is a “self-expressive marriage” according to psychologist Eli Finkel?

the focus of marriage changed from childbearing and childrearing to adult fulfillment

What is a “forged family”?

Unrelated people in new living arrangements

Complete this Andy Stanley question: “Are you the person . . .?”

“…the person you’re looking for is looking for?”

What does Andy Stanley mean when he writes that “promises do not replace the need for preparation”?

Just promising to love someone without preparing is not enough. To have a lasting, loving relationship, you need to be prepared to choose to love and commit to that person every day and prepare for the conflicts that you will run into in a relationship.

What is the tension between being “capable” vs. being “accountable”?

when you’re accountable for something that you’re not capable of, you will eventually be miserable.”

Define prudence

The understanding that what we do today is a good indication of how we will behave tomorrow.

Give two examples of “declarations of dependence” (the unhealthy kind)

I can’t live without you

I would be lost without you

What are the three kinds of “love” (in English) described in class?

1. Agape - commitment

2. Philos - feeling

3. Eros - physical attraction

What is the biblical definition of love based on 1 John 3:16? (The “definition” has 3 parts.) 

Love is a decision to do what the other needs…regardless of the circumstances or emotions of the day…regardless of whether or not it is reciprocated.

What was sine cera porcelain? What does sine cera mean?

• A very fine porcelain in Italy that was very expensive and delicate 

• sine cera means without wax, because dishonest merchants would fill cracks with wax and sell them as genuine

• where we get the word for sincere

What do the letters D.I.S.C. stand for?  

Dominance (fast/task), Influence (fast/people), Steadiness (slow/people), Conscientiousness (slow/task)

8 marks of “the imprint of God” on us and what happens to them “under the influence of sin”

1. Creativity - use of creativity for destructive purposes

2. Choice - we choose poorly repeatedly until we lose the freedom to choose

3. Personality - we don’t know ourselves

4. Intelligence - impaired is we can’t grasp the most fundamental truth

5. Morality - eroded, seared, loss of discernment, sensitivity

6. Spirituality - tempted to fill the void with physical pursuits

7. Language - struggle to communicate and use words in harmful ways

8. Relational Impulse - exploit others for selfish purposes

6 “truths about intimacy”

1. Intimacy requires self-revelation.

2. Intimacy requires trust.

3. Intimacy requires humility to see yourself through someone else’s eyes.

4. Intimacy can be physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.

5. Intimacy is hard work. That’s why people often settle for counterfeit forms of intimacy. 

6. Intimacy is rooted in identity.

3 assumptions of the “gender paradigm” according to Abigail Favale

1. There is no creator, so we are free to create ourselves. 

2. The body is an object with no intrinsic meaning; we give it whatever meaning we want to, using technology to ‘undo’ what is perceived to be ‘natural’.

3. What we take to be ‘real’ is only a linguistic construct. ‘Woman’ and ‘man’ are language-based identities that can be inhabited by anyone. 

3 Christian responses to the current gender identity debate proposed by Abigail Favale 

1. We humbly affirm Creation.

2.  We don’t perpetuate outdated stereotypes

3. We walk alongside people through the confusion

6 results of the shift toward “self-expressive marriage”

1. rising divorce rate

2. fewer people per household

3. more people stay single longer and cohabitate more

4. birth rate has declined to half of what it was in 1960

5. Wider physical spaces between families, people more isolated in their own homes, fenced yards, self-sufficient houses

6. Greater inequality between upper-income and lower-income families

3 New Testament marks of “proven character” (dokime)

1. Genuine faith demonstrated when the heat is on

2. Service

3. Obedience

• 7 character clues emphasized in the biblical book Proverbs

1. Listening

2. Humility

3. Work ethic

4. Generosity

5. Even-temperedness

6. Dependability

7. Truthfulness

How is identity connected to intimacy?

• Identity is who you understand yourself to be 

• If you are unsure of who you are, intimacy will be very difficult

• Intimacy is built on a foundation of self-awareness

• To have intimacy, you have to be aware of your own problems, accept when you're wrong, let yourself be known​

• Someone who is not self-aware is going to make the same relationship mistakes over and over again​

How has the formation of identity and the notion of the “self” been “revolutionized” in our time and culture in recent decades, according to Carl Trueman? Be specific about the 4 elements of this “revolution.”

• Carl Trueman makes the case that identity has been revolutionized by the notion of the “self.” Self now derives from: 

1. expressive individualism

2. sexual revolution

3. social imaginary

4. the political dimension

With regard to sexual identity, compare the “secular script” with the “Christian script” as Yarhouse explains them.

• secular script: 

  • Sexual impulses are ordained by God.​

  • Your sexual impulses are at the core of your identity.​

  • “Self-actualization” demands that you act on that identity to be fulfilled. ​

• christian script: 

  • Sexual impulses are part of who we are, but they don’t define us.​

  • To be Christian is to ground our identity in Christ.​

What were some of the factors that led to the shift from extended families to nuclear families in America between 1890 and 1960?

• Industrial revolution led to migration to cities, younger men and women left extended families to pursue the “American dream.”

• People married earlier

In what way is “joy” a parallel concept to love as we described love in class?

• Joy is the product of following through on a long-term commitment. It is consistent; it does not depend on circumstances.

• Happiness comes and goes depending on circumstances.

How would you respond to the student in the Case Study we discussed in class who asked her roommate about a guy she’s been dating, “How do I really know he’s the one for me?”

• There isn’t just “one” out there for you. This ties back to the right person myth; anyone could really be the “one” if you put hard work and commitment love into the relationship.

Reflect on at least 4 of the 8 character clues related directly to relationships, based on Paul’s description of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

• Love is:

1. Patient

2. Kind

3. Does not: envy, boast, is not proud

4. does not dishonor

5. not self-seeking

6. not easily angered

7. keeps no record of wrongs

8. assumes the best