Child Development Final Review - Parental Conflict

Divorce

• in the 80’s it was viewed as losing a father

• research indicates divorce is actually worse than losing a father to death

• “if dad dies he still loves me, but if dad leaves or parents divorce, maybe they don’t love me”

• “if they stop loving eachother, they could stop loving me”

is divorce better for kids than high conflict?

*all couples have conflict

• high levels of conflict are just as harmful to kids as divorce

• yes, if it is a high conflict marriage (less than 50%)

• yes, if the divorce really ends conflict (tends not to happen)

harmful conflict

• physical violence

• insults

• child focused conflict

• triangulation - one parent trying to get child to take their side

effects of harmful parental conflict

• poor health

• lower academic success

• poor social skills

• boys are more likely to experience externalizing symptoms like misbehaving, disrupting class, being aggressive 9can look like ADHD)

• girls are more likely to experience internalizing depressive symptoms

• sibling can act as buffer

sleeper effects of harmful parental conflict (manifest in later adolescence)

• earlier s*xual activity

• earlier drug and alcohol use

• more sensitive over time

Hetherington or Wallerstein opinions on divorce

• agree on data 20-25% of kids of divorce have long term emotional problems (10% for intact families)

• Hetherington - small price to pay to decrease conflict

• Wallerstein - divorce is a terrible thing to do to children

Divorce and Parenting Style

• both moms and dads may be less consistent

• moms - more authoritarian

• dads - more permissive

*due to typical custody agreement

The Good Divorce Article - Elizabeth Marquardt

• kids still experience different and more painful childhood than others, even if parents get along after divorce

• example of Debbie and Eli “happily divorced with 3 girls”

  • low conflict, functional, but lack of connection

  • still good parents, reassure kids they are loved

• even though the arrangement looks like it is working, it is inherently unstable

after “good divorce”

• kids are no longer center of family

• kids feel like littel adults

• where is home?

• kids are implicitly or explicity pressured to keep secrets

• values

are mom and dad’s rules the same?

• bad divorce - 32%

• good divorce - 58%

• unhappy, low conflict marriage - 81%

• happy marriage - 94%

between 2 worlds

children of good divorce are more likely to say…

• alone often

• felt like little adults

• parents versions of truth are different

• their lives were stressful

ex. felt like a football being kicked back and forth

how does parental conflict/divorce affect children?

• poor role models

• makes secure attachment more difficult

• directly creates stress and anxiety even before kids know what going on

• inconsistent parenting