Fletcher lines (Freaky Friday)

Ellie: "Mom, there's a thing tonight that basically—"

(AB) "Angry Bob wants to hold the hourglass!"

Mike, entering: "I brought donuts!"

"Yay!"

Mike: "Have you been practicing your wedding toast?"

(AB) "This guy's toast is gonna kill, and then it's straight to Hollywood!"

Ellie: "Mom, seriously. I need to ask you something important—"

(AB) "mOm sErIoUsLy i NeEd tO aSk yOu SoMeThInG iMpOrTaNt!"

Ellie (sung): We'd be off and running, gunning for one fun and perfect day!

(entering) "Mom, where's my permission slip for the field trip?"

Ellie: So, you'll think about it?

Katherine: I'm sorry, the answer is no.

sad trombone noise

Katherine: "Can you shut up for five minutes? 'Out of business.' Out of business?!?"

"What's the matter?"

Katherine: "So many things. I stupidly sold an hourglass to this place and I need to buy it back and now the store is closed forever. So I'm stuck— forever..."

(AB) "There's an hourglass in the boggle set."

Katherine: "I need THAT one."

(reading sign): "'If you are interested in purchasing any of my merchandise, I have redistributed the remaining inventory—'"

Katherine: "'—remaining inventory to other antique stores throughout Chicago."

(C) "You could go to another store and get it."

Katherine: "There are a million antique stores in this city! There's no way I could get to all of them before tomorrow."

(AB) "Quit complaining and go hunt for it, toots!"

Katherine: "Come on, I gotta call your sister."

(C) "Sounds good, old girl!"

Fletch (sung): "Driving with my— MOM!"

Katherine: "What?!"

"You want to hear my wedding toast?"

Fletch: "You want to hear my wedding toast?"

Katherine: "No."

"It's gonna be so cool when you and Mike are married."

Katherine: "Are you kidding?"

"No...?"

Katherine: "Do you ever think about Dad at all??"

"I don't remember him very much."

Katherine: "Well, trust me, Mike isn't Dad."

(C) "I say, old chap, are we going to pick up Ellie about now?"

Katherine: "No, she's meeting us at home."

"Aw."

Katherine: "What, you wish she were here?"

"Yeah, she's awesome."

Katherine: "Awesome, how?"

"She's just cool. She shows me how to do cool stuff."

Fletch: "...She shows me how to do cool stuff."

Katherine: "When?"

"There was this kid, Glen, who was mean to me. So she showed me how to fill water balloons with hot water and then we waited until he walked by and then we creamed him. So cool."

Katherine: "If you think she's so cool, why are you always sticking your puppets in her face?"

"I dunno. It's fun. (AB) I'm able to work on my heckler comebacks."

Katherine: "Your 'heckler comebacks'?"

"Yeah, I'm building my act for when I go to LA."

Katherine: "Fletcher. No way are you going to LA with your puppets."

(AB) "Yes he is!"

Fletch: (AB) "Yes he is!"

Katherine: (mocking) "No he isn't!"

"Yes! I am!"

Fletch: "Yes! I am!"

Katherine: "No, you're not."

"You said my jokes were funny."

Fletch: "You said my jokes were funny."

Katherine: "They're not."

"You said my puppets were creative."

Fletch: "You said my puppets were creative."

Katherine: "Eh."

"You said puppeteers make a lot of money!"

Fletch: "You said puppeteers make a lot of money!"

Katherine: "I lied."

"Nuh-uh. Parents don't lie."

Katherine (sung): "Parents lie; It's sad but true; Mine lies to me; Yours lies to you; I lie to you."

"No way. (beat) About what?"

Hannah (sung): "She's a total Machiavelli and never to be trusted."

Gretchen (sung): "No, not anymore."

"(AB) Mommy lies and Ellie's cruel, (F) and they're mean to me at school, (AB) and there's nobody who gets you, (F) so we're out the door!"

Adam: "Hey man, where you headed?"

(C or AB) "Hollywood!"

Adam: "Hollywood? Long bus trip."

"Do you want to hear a joke?"

Fletch: "Do you want to hear a joke?"

Adam: "Yeah. I do."

"(AB) What do call a sad coffee?"

Fletch: "(AB) What do you call a sad coffee?"

Adam: "No clue."

"(AB) Depresso! (C) What do you call a man with no body and no nose?"

Adam: "I don't know... what DO you call a man with no body and no nose?"

"(C) Nobody nose!"

Adam: "What's your name?"

"Fletcher."

Adam (re: Caspian): "I was talking to him."

"(C) I'm Caspian!"

Adam: "Hey Caspian, I'm Adam."

"I think you go to the same school as my sister."

Adam: "Who's your sister?"

"Ellie Blake."

Adam: "Hey... little dude... what's up?"

"I'm running away."

Fletch: "I'm running away."

Adam: "Why?"

"My mom started acting weird and my sister hates me."

Adam: "Aw, I'm sure she doesn't hate you. Women, kid... women are like sandwiches."

(long beat) "What?"

Savannah: "Step back. .... Cross it off the list."

"Wow."

Adam (sung): "So maybe you should help her cause she's sweet; And her brother's pretty neat."

"(AB) So... you dropped the metaphor and you're just talking about a woman at this point. That's what's going on here, right?"

Adam: "Should we get out of here before the cops come?"

"(C) Brilliant, mate!"

Officers (sung): "Ya gotta bring him home! Their precious baby home; He's home!"

(Adam and Fletcher enter)

Ellie: "Fletcher!"

"Mommy!"

Adam: "Yo."

Katherine (to Adam): "What are you doing here?"

"He brought me home. (AB) I'm hungry!"

Katherine: "You are kidding me. I was about to say that! We are going to make seven-layer bars.

Torrey: "Whaaaaaaaat?"

"Yay! Mom, can I make them too?"

Torrey/Katherine: "No—"/"Yes."

"Really?"

Katherine: "Fletcher, I'm sorry for what I said in the car. I'm sorry about this whole day."

"Mom! I took a bus by myself! We just made seven-layer bars. I hung out with Ellie's boyfriend."

Katherine (giggly): "Huh. Boyfriend..."

"Mom! This has been the best day of my life!"

Scene 5: Fletcher leaps into Katherine's lap

"Mommy, read to me. Please."

Katherine: "Okay. Time for bed, kid. Mike! Miiiike!"

(sleepily) "I like Mike."

Scene 7: Transition to Wedding

(sung) "Just one day 'til Mike's my dad, and he says 'When are we starting?'"

Katherine: "Fletcher, tell Mike we'll start when we start."

(sung) "Just one day 'til Mike's my dad and I'm not the only boy in the fam'ly!"

Mike: "Honey. The last twenty-four hours have been crazy. I know you're nervous, but—"

Katherine: "I'm not ready to do this."

"(AB) Harsh!"

Mike: "They loved my seven-layer bars!"

All (sung): "It starts today!"

"(AB) His best man speech murdered!"

Mike: "I have to do summer school too. If you want, I can give you a ride."

Ellie: "That would be cool." (leaning in)

"(AB) Grossssss! For a minute it looked like you were going to make out! (F) (to Adam) Come on! I made you a puppet so you can be in my act!"