17. abusive relationships

5 steps? of relationship to blue line of abuse (includes what predicts women and men leaving)

• FIRST INCIDENT usually not considered abuse

• LATER INCIDENTS are measured against quality of relationship

• as violence escalates and affects others, VICTIM REDEFINES act as abuse

• FREQUENCY OF ACT predicts WOMEN leaving

• SEVERITY OF ACT predicts MEN leaving

#1 predictor of abuse and also infidelity in a relationship

alcohol use

7 causes of violence

• high lvls of aggression

• cycle of violence

• life stressors

• low socio-economic status

• poor communication

• power differential

• attitudes accepting partner violence

4 parts to the cycle of violence

• buildup to abuse - tensions rising

• violence occurs

• reconciliation - abuser is kind and loving

• hope - abused person hopes violence will not recur

life stressor

an event that is perceived as exceeding the individual’s resources or ability to cope, and is also perceived as a negative threat or harm

3 reasons why husbands w less power are more likely to abuse

• violence compensates for lack of economic power or attractiveness

• violence by males has long been more acceptable than violence by females

• masculine roles encourage “keeping women in their place”

explain why victims don’t leave in terms of Rusbult’s investment model of relationships

satisfaction w relationships

• they’re not happy w the abuse, but they believe the relationship is providing them w what they need

• abusers usually apologize and “make up” for abuse

• partner-enhancing biases keep ppl from recognizing questionable behavior as abuse

quality of alternatives

• victim’s economic status is critical

amount invested

• victim’s time in relationship matters

• emotional investment matters

• cost of leaving matters

violence

behaving in a manner that’s intended to do physical harm to others

3 types of couple violence + most common one

• situational couple violence (SCV)

• intimate terrorism (IT)

• violent resistance

SCV

situational couple violence

typically erupts from heated conflicts that get out of hand, occurs when both partners are angry and is tied to specific arguments, so it’s only occasional and is usually mild, being unlikely to escalate into srs, life-threatening forms of aggression

often mutual

intimate terrorism

one partner uses violence as a tool to control and oppress the other

more likely to be one-sided

violent resistance

in which a partner forcibly fights back against IT

least common of the 3

5 other facets of IT besides physical violence

• isolation

• intimidation

• economic abuse

• emotional abuse

• minimizing

isolation

controlling where partner goes, what they do, whom they see

intimidation

threatening, destroying partner’s property, abusing pets

economic abuse

taking partner’s money, preventing their employment

emotional abuse

humiliating, disregarding, and blaming: “this is your fault”

minimizing

denying any abuse

indirect aggression

attempting to ruin someone’s reputation by spreading rumors or gossip

more common among women

mate-guarding

we work to regulate and control our partners’ access to potential rivals, and vice versa

vigilance and surveillance

dropping by unexpectedly, calling at random, or lurking on social media

I³ model

organizes influences on SCV into…

• INSTIGATING TRIGGERS that cause one or both partners to be frustrated or on edge

• IMPELLING INFLUENCES that make it more likely that the partners will experience violent impulses

• INHIBITING INFLUENCES that encourage the partners to refrain from acting on those impulses

4 kinds of impelling and inhibitory influences

• distal influences

• dispositional influences

• relational influences

• situational influences

distal influences + ex of impelling vs instigating influences

emerge from one’s bg, include cultural norms, economic conditions, and family exps

violent family of origin vs egalitarian cultural norms

dispositional influences + ex of impelling vs instigating influences

include personality traits and long-standing beliefs

negative emotionality vs conscientiousness

relational influences + ex of impelling vs instigating influences

involve the current state of the couple’s relationship

mismatched attachment styles vs satisfaction and commitment

situational influences + ex of impelling vs instigating influences

include the immediate circumstances

heat and noise vs sobriety

2 types of ppl who resort to IT

• some are just clumsy and pathetic and threats of harm are their wretched efforts to keep their partners from leaving

• others seem to be more malevolent; they are antisocial or narcissistic, and violence is just another tool w which to get what they want

why do ITs often feel inferior to their partners?

bc they tend to be plagued by poverty, and violence is much more common in homes w low annual incomes

stalking

repeated, malicious following and harassing of an unwilling target that may include (depending on the state) unwanted messages, surveillance, breaking and entering, and other invasions of privacy that scare those who are pursued

3 kinds of stalkers

• ppl pursuing ex-partners after the end of romantic relationship - usually insecure ppl high in anxiety abt abandonment and seeking reconciliation, or vengeful, controlling, possessive ppl who seek retaliation and punishment of their departed partner

• some stalkers are just a little crazy, being obsessed w someone who is a mere acquaintance or whom they don’t even know

• may be lonely and possessed of poor social skills and may be seeking to form a relationship in an inept and hopeless way