Monologue for history tour job

I always thought my uncle Barney was crazy.

His family home was one of those old edward Gorey type victorians,

And every halloween since I was a kid he's turned it into a haunted house.

I mean, when I was a kid I didn't think much about it.

Halloween? I was the kind of kid who could take it or leave it.

Trick or treating was ok, but not my favorite thing

—not if I had to dress up in a silly costume!

But for my uncles family, it was like the focus of their whole year.

The house has these long corridors that they line with black cloth, and every door opens onto a scary scene.

Very artistic, very professional

Very much an insane amount of hard work.

But its just mind boggling how top notch he got his effects . Really, top notch.

Like, last year I took my kids to the haunted house the next town over.

One of these officially town sponsered things, dundraising for the boy scouts.

That town does it in a derelict property, so they have the whole place to work in,

And unlike my uncles family they dont have to figure out how to live in it at the same time.

Plus, professionals donate their goods and services, some kind of a tax break thing.

But its a big nothing! Compared to my uncles.

Its the paint by numbers haunted house

While my uncles is the real thing.