Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf

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Make me a drink.

What?

I said, make me a drink.

Well, I don't suppose a nightcap'd kill either one of us....

A nightcap! Are you kidding? We've got guests.

We've got what?

Guests. GUESTS.

GUESTS!

Yes… guests… people… We’ve got guests coming over.

When?

NOW!

Good Lord, Martha ... do you know what time it.... Who’s coming over?

What's their-name.

Who?

WHAT'S-THEIR-NAME!

Who’s what’s-their-name?

I don't know what their name is, George.... You met them tonight... they're new ...he's in the math department, or something.

Who ... who are these people?

You met them tonight, George.

I don't remember meeting anyone tonight....

Well, you did ... Will you give me my drink, please. He's in the math department.. about thirty, blond and....

...and good-looking....

Yes... and good-looking...

It figures.

… and his wife's a mousy little type, without any hips,

Oh.

You remember them now?

Yes, I guess so, Martha.... But why in God's name are they coming over here now?

Because Daddy said we should be nice to them, that's why.

Oh, Lord.

May I have my drink, please? Daddy said we should be nice to them. Thank you.

But why now? It's after two o'clock in the morning, and....

Because Daddy said we should be nice to them!

Yes. But I'm sure your father didn't mean we were supposed to stay up all night with these people. I mean, we could have them over some Sunday or something.

Well, never mind... Besides, it is Sunday. Very early…

I mean... it's ridiculous…

Well, it's done!

All right. Well... where are they? If we've got guest where are they?

They'll be here soon.

What did they do ... go home and get some sleep first, or something?

They'll be here!

I wish you'd tell me about something sometime.... I wish you'd stop springing things on me all the time.

I don’t spring things on you all the time.

Yes, you do ... you really do ... you're always springing things on me.

Oh, George!

Always.

Poor Georgie-Porgie, put-upon piel (As he sulks) Awwwwww ... what are you doing? Are you sulking? Huh? Let me see ... are you sulking? Is that what you're doing?

Never mind, Martha…

Awwwwwwwwww!

Just don't bother yourself…

Awwwwwwwwwww (No reaction) Heyl (No reaction) HEY! (GEORCE looks at her, put upon) Hey. (She sings) Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf, Virginia Woolf, Virginia Woolf… HA, ha, ha, HA! (No reaction) What’s the matter… didn’t you think that was funny?  Huh?  (Defiantly) I thought it was a scream ... a real scream. You didn't like it, hunh?

It was all right, Martha..

You laughed your head off when you heard it at the party.

I smiled. I didn't laugh my head off... I smiled, you know? ... it was all right.

You laughed your goddamn head off.

It was all right....

It was a scream!

It was very funny; yes.

You make me puke!

What?

Uh... you make me puke!

That wasn't a very nice thing to say, Martha.

That wasn't what?

... a very nice thing to say.

I like your anger. I think that's what I like about you most… your anger. You're such a... such a simple…. You don't even have the... the what?....

… guts?

PHRASEMAKER! (Pause... then they both laugh)

Hello, honey.

Hello. C'mon over here and give your Mommy a big sloppy kiss.

... oh, now....

I WANT A BIG SLOPPY KISS!

I don't want to kiss you, Martha. Where are these people? Where are these people you invited over?

They stayed on to talk to Daddy.... They'll be here.... Why don't you want to kiss me?

Well, dear, if I kissed you l'd get all excited... I'd get beside myself, and l'd take you, by force, right here on the living room rug, and then our little guests would walk in, and...well, just think what your father would say about that.

You pig!

Oink! Oink!

Ha, ha, ha, Make me another drink .... lover.

My God, you can swill it down, can’t you?

I'm firsty.

Jesus…

Look sweetheart, I can drink you under any goddamn table you want… so don't worry about me!

Well, just stay on your feet, that’s all... These people are your guests, you know, and...  if you pass out, or throw up, or something.... try to keep your clothes on, too. There aren't many more sickening sights than you with a couple of drinks in you and your skirt up over your head, you know.... your heads, I should say.

I swear… if you existed I’d divorce you… I can’t even see you… I haven’t been able to see you for years. I mean, you're a blank, a cipher. .. a zero....

Doorbell

Party! Party!

I'm really looking forward to this, Martha

Go answer the door.

You answer it.

Get to that door, you. (He does not move) l'll fix you, you.... (Shouting ... to the door)

C'MON IN (To GEORCE, between her teeth) I said, get over there!

All right, love ... whatever love wants.

SCREW YOU!