Social Psychology: Attraction and Intimacy

Factors of Attraction

Proximity

• “functional distance”; predicts liking

• how often people’s paths cross

• proximity breeds liking > availability

• anticipatory liking - expecting someone pleasant and compatible; increases liking

Mere Exposure

• tendency for novel stimuli to be liked or rated more positively

• attitudes toward social groups can also be changed

• if too much exposure, liking decreases

• mere exposure effect - “hardwired” phenomenon that predisposes attractions

• negative side - wariness of unfamiliarity; explains unconscious prejudice people feel when confronting different people

Physical Attractiveness

• the more attractive a woman was, the more the man liked her and wanted to date her again

• the effect of attractiveness diminishes over time as qualities arise

• affects first impressions

• takes 0.013 seconds to guess a face’s attractiveness

Matching Phenomenon

• tendency for both genders to choose those who are a “good match” for them

Physical-Attractiveness Stereotype

• “what’s beautiful is good”

• presumption that physically attractive people posses

• good looks are an asset

What Counts as Attractive

• cultural

• evolutionary psychology - attractiveness as superior reproductive capabilities

• similarities

Those We Love

• liking someone makes them more attractive

• discovering similarities makes the other look more attractive

• people perceived as likeable are attractive

Similarity, Complementarity, and Reciprocity

Likeness Begets Liking

• in nearly everything, on an instinctive level

• people like others with similarities

• similarities breeds content

Dissimilarity Breeds Dislike

• discovering someone is opposite as you decreases liking

• false consensus bias - assuming that others share our attitudes

Complementarity

• for each to complete what is missing in the other

• not been proven in psychological studies

Reciprocal Liking

• distinctive liking from someone tends to make us reciprocate

Relationship Rewards

• Reward Theory of Attraction - we like those whose behaviour is rewarding to us

Explains the Factors

• proximity - costs less time and effort

• attraction - traits will make us feel good; benefits of association

• similarities - validation of views, anticipated reciprocity

• reciprocity - we like to be liked and love to be loved

Components of Love

Passionate Love

• state of intense longing for union

• if reciprocated, one feels fulfilled; if rejected, one feels empty

• engages dopamine-rich brain areas associated with reward

• elicits strong emotions immediately attributed to the other

• two-factor theory - being aroused by any source should intensify feelings; arousal x its label = emotion

Companionate Love

• affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined

• high of romance may be long, but it does not last forever

• emerges usually around 2-5 years

• oxytocin supports feelings of attachment and trust

Variables in Relationships

Attachments

• oxytocin and vasopressin produce good feelings that triggers the bond

• vasopressin - predicts marital stability

Secure Attachment

• rooted in trust, and marked by intimacy

• sustains relationships through conflicts

• tends to be satisfying and enduring

Avoidant Attachment

• marked by discomfort over, or resistance to being close to others

• tends to be less invested and more likely to leave relationships

• fearful or dismissing

Anxious Attachment

• marked by anxiety or ambivalence

• less trusting, more fearful of a partner’s interests, becoming overly possessive and jealous

Equity

• the outcomes people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it

• those in equitable relationships are the most content; those in inequitable feels discomfort

• perceived inequity - triggers marital distress

Self-Disclosure

• revealing intimate aspects of oneself

• as a relationship grows, partners reveal more about them to each other

• when lacking disclosure, we experience loneliness

• disclosure reciprocity - tendency for one person’s intimacy of self-disclosure to match that of a conversational partner; disclosure begets disclosure

Effects

• unmasking nurtures love

• people are happier when they talk about what goes on in their lives

End of Relationships

Divorce

• individualistic cultures have more divorce than communal cultures as they marry “for as long as they love”, and expect more passion and personal fulfillment

Detachment Process

• process, not a one-time event

• relationships deeply form a part of self-concept

• “I am yours/with you/r partner, etc.”

• the fewer the available alternatives, the more painful the breakup

• arguments does not equal to separation

Coping with Failing Relationships

• loyalty - waiting for conditions to improve

• neglect - ignoring the partner and allows the relationship to deteriorate

• voicing out - the concerns and take steps to improve by discussing problems

What Kills Relationships

• coldness

• disillusionment

• harsh personal blames

What Keeps It Alive

• affection

• fairness

• constant expression of thoughts

	Passive	Active
Constructive	loyalty: awaits improvement	voice: seeks improvement
Destructive	neglect: ignores their partner	exit: leaves the partner