Intimate Relationships Final

Relationship maintenance

Thoughts and behaviors that promote relationship commitment and satisfaction

Intimacy process model

A process where both partners respond to each other’s disclosures of needs, goals, and fears

Empathy

The capacity to understand and show another person’ thoughts and feelings

Responsiveness and empathy

Promotes emotional expression, closeness, and well-being; but varies between cultures and levels of self-esteem

Low self-esteem disclosures

May feel vulnerable disclosing negative experiences and is less beneficial to people with low self-esteem

Modes of communication

Maintaining intimacy may differ depending on the mode of communication; in-person generates greater responsiveness and intimacy

Self-expansion model

Assumption that people are motivated to self growth, and intimate relationships are a common way for people to achieve that; learning about someone else also expands self

Inclusion of Other in the Self Scale

Uses venn diagrams to show a range of how much someone can perceive themselves as being integrated with their partner

Social support

Responsiveness to the needs of another, including having skills, providing resources, and motivation

Invisible social support

More effective before stress, benefits are long-term and take longer to appear

Visible social support

More beneficial when a partner is already stressed out, could affect the recipient’s self-esteem

Broaden-and-build theory

The experience and expression of positive emotions enhances our daily life and maintains well-being

Capitalization

The process of sharing positive info with a partner, which is then elaborated by that partner, enhancing the association between those events and the relationship; responses can be active/passive or constructive/destructive

Eastern capitalization

More likely to be passive-constructive

Forgiveness motivation

An intrapersonal process in which the wronged partner wants to be kind rather than feeling anger or exacting revenge

Forgiveness behavior

The interpersonal action of expressing to the partner that one is no longer feeling anger or revenge

Components of forgiveness

Motivation and behavior

Silent forgiveness

Motivation to forgive, but no behavior

Hollow forgiveness

Behavior to forgive, but no motivation

Forgiveness is more likely when…

The transgression was minor, victim has empathy/agreeableness/low neuroticism, transgressor apologizes, and relationship is highly committed/satisfied

Phases of forgiveness

Impact → Meaning → Moving on

Sexual satisfaction

Each partner’s evaluation of the sexual aspect of their relationship; significantly overlaps with overall relationship satisfaction

Good sex life and relationship satisfaction

Bidirectional relationship where high sexual satisfaction boosts relationship satisfaction and vice versa

Involuntary celibacy

When a person goes without sex for an extended period of time despite experiencing sexual desire; are less satisfied in their relationships

Desired sexual history

Young people want their future partner’s sexual experience to be “just right” — enough to know their desires and preferences, but not so much that it implies being noncommittal

Sexual desire

Most active in the beginning of a relationship because novelty and risk is present; declines with age

Sexual frequency in a long-term relationship

Tends to peak in the first year and decline significantly in the second year and then stabilizes, but passion is still reported to stay constant

Ingredients of a healthy sex life

Quantity (time, not frequency), technique, responsiveness, variety, foreplay

Perceived responsiveness

Makes a partner feel special and then increasing sexual desire

Doubling sexual frequency experiment

Couples were less happy because even if they increased their frequency, that didn’t increase quality; there are no additional benefits to having sex more than once a week

People most satisfied with their sex lives

Engage in various sexual behaviors compared to those that are not

Function of sex in relationships

Is enjoyable (strengthening bonds) and promotes the survival of the species

Approach motives in sex

More strongly associated with satisfying sexual interactions than avoidance of costs

Sex and attachment style

More sex decreases the impacts of an insecure attachment style on satisfaction

Physical benefits to sex

Lowering cholesterol, affecting hormones, burning calories, fewer heart problems, better memory, fighting infections, better performance on cognitive tasks

Sexual afterglow

Period of elevated closeness and well-being after sex, lasting up to 3 days

Reasons for having sex

Physical (pleasure, stress reduction), goal attainment, emotional, insecurity (mate guarding, duty/pressure, self-esteem)

High negativity partners

Are more satisfied in their marriage with higher frequency of sex

Declining frequency of sex among American married couples

Having less sex than ever, despite singles having the same frequency, due to more time working, parenting/domestic labour, and pornography

Coercion

When couples cannot negotiate sexual frequency; using verbal strategies, physical means, or manipulative tactics to pressure partners into having unwanted sex

Victims perceptions of coercion

Persistence, giving in as the only want to appease the partner/ending conflict; leads to lower relationship satisfaction, feelings of guilt, self-blame, deterioration of relationship over time

Constructive ways to negotiate sex

Reassurance that partner is wanted, attractive, and desirable; appropriate tone of voice

Conflict

Competing goals

Lewin’s goal-oriented view

Conflicts are inevitable, but individuals have a choice in how they respond to conflict

Common conflicts

Chores, finances, children, extended family, communication and closeness

Divorce stigma

Pre-WW2 was uncommon to divorce and talk about relationship problems; divorce rates increased demand for relationship therapy post-WW2

Ways to respond to conflict

Cooperative, compromise, disagreement, division, avoidance, disengagement

Social exchange theory

Focuses on the rewards and costs in a relationship, explaining negative interactions and unhappy couples

Social learning theory

Conflict behaviors are learned and reinforced over time in a relationship; e.g., yelling or withdrawal successfully ending conflict

Studying couple communication

Observations of couples’ behaviors are coded; e.g., disagreement, criticism, self-disclosure

Unconditional probability

How often a behavior occurs overall

Conditional probability

How a partner’s behavior triggers the other’s response

Gottman’s structural model of marital interaction

Unhappy couples tend to engage in less positive/more negative behavior, have rigid patterns of interaction, engage in longer periods of negative reciprocity

Destructive strategies for problem-solving

Blaming partner for the problem, working to show that your partner is wrong, delivering ultimatums

Constructive strategies for problem-solving

Recognizing one’s own contributions to the problem, asking partner about their thoughts and feelings, working towards agreement

Cognitive editing

The tendency in happy couples to respond positively or neutrally

Reactivity hypothesis

Unhappy couples tend to stay vigilant for negative behaviors and respond in kind

Table talk technique

Speakers rate the intent of their own messages and the impact of their partner’s messages

Demand/withdraw pattern

One partner wants to change and pushes the other for discussion, whereas the other withdraws; creates a polarized relationship

Poor communication

Related to relationship distress; however, no causal relationship between good communication and satisfaction

Typical poor communication skills

Poor listening, defensiveness, stubbornness, disagreeableness

Direct communication

Even when negative, have a better outcome than vague negative statements

Positive communication

Couples with low levels of positive emotions will predict a rapid decline in their relationship if they have weak communication skills

Stress hormones and marital satisfaction

Stressful reactions that accompany negative behavior predict distress and divorce

Attachment style and conflict

Insensitivity and neglect in early childhood tend to lead to greater stress responses and more conflict later in life

Infidelity

A violation of an agreement between two people that they will share their intimate, emotional, and sexual lives exclusively with each other

Sexual infidelity

Is most widely agreed upon to be a violation of commitment; includes explicit sexting, dating profile, browsing dating profiles

Emotional infidelity

When more effort and emotional intimacy is put into a relationship with someone that is not the primary partner; can lead to neglecting the relationship

Infidelity in queer relationships

Same-sex couples tend to directly negotiate boundaries and be more flexible in how monogamy is defined

How common is infidelity?

Men are 3x more likely to be sexually unfaithful, equal rate of emotional infidelity for both men and women, 40-60% of same-sex relationships have cheated on a previous partner

Underreporting infidelity

Due to the wide disapproval in Western contexts, may be underreported

Evolutionary infidelity

Genes may predispose people to certain behaviors that may lead infidelity, such as having low dopamine; also increases male potential offspring and women’s genetic quality of offspring → “extrapair mating”

Sociosexuality

The willingness to have sex outside of a committed relationship; stable trait over time; more likely to have avoidant attachment

Risky contexts for infidelity

Situations that lead to someone other than one’s primary partner to be available for emotional and sexual encounters; most infidelity occurs with people we are familiar of comfortable with

Infidelity is more likely to occur in relationships that have…

Low levels of commitment, high levels of conflict, are generally dissatisfying, sexually disconnected, growing secrecy, uncertain future, or have poor communication

Risky business for infidelity

The combined characteristics, relationship, and context increase the likelihood of infidelity: setting the stage → on the slippery slope → crossing the line

Individual predictors for infidelity

History of cheating, high sociosexuality, insecure attachment, desire for excitement, needing reassurance, unmet need for closeness/sex

Summer flings

Unfaithfulness is most frequent during summer months when travel is most common

Aftermath of infidelity

Prompts anger, hurt, sadness; admitting the affair encourages forgiveness whereas being caught results in more relationship disruption; the more humiliating the experience, the lower the likelihood of forgiveness

Gender differences in infidelity

Men are more sensitive to sexual infidelity, women are more threatened by emotional infidelity; no difference was found in same-sex relationships

Infidelity and divorce

Is the leading cause of divorce around the world, though it is difficult to establish a causal relationship

Treating couples dealing with infidelity

Assisting partners in managing feelings of anger and mistrust

Family sociology perspective

Studied aggression in couples and families using a large-scale surveys, found equal rates of moderate aggression (pushing, shoving) by men and women, or even greater rates by women

Advocacy perspective

An approach to understanding and helping women affected by domestic violence using criminal records, found that women were almost always the victims → severe abuse is most often perpetrated by men

Coercive controlling violence

Goal is to dominate the other partner through aggression, it is proactive, systematic, and sustained; most commonly engaged by males

Situational couple violence

Conflict interaction that gets out of hand and turns physical, is reactive; equally likely from men and women

Sociocultural perspective on aggression

Violence is common in media, and violent responses may come to mind during disagreements; influenced by media or limited access to a good upbringing or social structures

Interpersonal perspective on aggression

A product of the partners involved, where a high degree of interdependence and conflict can spark aggression; may be influenced by substance use

Intraindividual perspective

Personal risk factors like previous backgrounds in violence (parents engaging in physical altercations); only found mixed correlation

Warning signs of an abusive relationship

Feeling afraid of partner, feeling emotionally numb or helpless, being humiliated, blamed for abusive behavior, excessive jealousy, controlling, limiting access to things, having a bad/unpredictable temper, threatening to hurt or kill

Consequences of abusive behavior

Severe and persistent aggression lower satisfactions, couples become more unhappy over time, verbal aggression can escalate to physical aggression

Overlooking situational aggression

Some couples overlook episodes as they see it as infrequent and a consequence of another relationship problem, like poor communication

Information processing

The ways our mind organizes everything we learn about the world

Belief

A person’s idea or theory about what the world is actually like

Value

A person’s opinion or attitude about what’s important and how they want things to be

Ideal standards model

People evaluate their relationship by comparing their experiences to their idea about what a good relationship should be like

Perceptual confirmation

Interpretations of new or ambiguous info and experiences are consistent with existing ideas, beliefs, and expectations; i.e. confirmation bias

Rejection sensitivity

Perceive ambiguous events as more negative due to expecting rejection

Behavioral confirmation

The process in which our beliefs and expectations can also shape the way we experience the world by behaving in ways that confirm our beliefs

Self-fulfilling prophecy

behavior that leads to an expected experience or result; a prediction that causes itself to come true