Kyle Carter - ACT 5

(The room, real-time. KYLE in chair. Adding the button to NAN's line... SIMON and SWEETHEART high-five.)

Hey. Hey! I was in the middle of working that- I was doing my thing and you Braveheart-ed in and- a Taser? God you are such a dick man. OW

(To NAN:)

Nan, you were mine- you were with me, Nan, and you know I'm still the guy you married. We're still those people. And-

(To SIMON:)

******* that shit hurt my teeth

(To NAN:)

Nan. We may be way past anything traditional at this point, but we still got something here. There's still us in here - and you can't kill us, so you can't kill me, cause us is me!

SIMON. New season!

(Cheers! But KYLE is done playing around. Switches gears.)

OK, You know what? I'm done with this shit. Bring on the bears, goddammit. Get outta my sight and bring it on.

SIMON. I was thinking the same thing

You can't blame me for the way the world works. You can't blame me for life and biology. You can't do it. So I don't care what magazine you read, or where you think you can go to make the world any different, or what Jesus or Jimmy Carter would do- but I am NOT the BAD GUY. I am JUST A GUY. and GUYS are different than GIRLS.

SIMON. Insight

And we get madder and pushier than y'all, and it's not our fault! Power and muscle were given to us! Sexiness and cooking skills were give to you! It's way my daddy did things and it's the way most of the ******* world does things.

SIMON. Nono, keep going. This is great

NAN. Kyle

****. You.

NAN. Kyle

You're a dumb, stupid girl.

NAN> Biological determinism has no effect on me Kyle

Bring it on, I said. I'd rather have a bear on my lap than a pregnant liberal.

NAN. For all the women all over the world who swallow panic every day, I say to you:

Get the meat.

FINE. FINE. I DON'T CARE. I DON'T CARE SO MUCH THAT I WILL KILL YOU WHEN I GET OUTTA THIS.

SIMON. Just try it, small man

You shut up, freak.

SIMON. Oh, I'm the errant human being in this situation?

You stole my wife and not for sex.

SIMON. And who do you think's going to hell first, cowboy?

You've always hated me, and you poisoned my wife, and you're a sissy little shit. I bet that little freak nugget a'int even mine. I bet it's queenie's little freak, huh? You buy a syringe, and have little freak baby with a cheerleader?

SIMON. Oh yes I have pep, and moral relativism, and executive power. And guess what just got decided? BRING ON THE BEAR. SUCK IT

YOU SUCK IT! Wou will not get away with this- my guys'll be here, and the police and wildlife police and goddammit I will rise like a ******* phoenix outta this and SMITE- YES SMITE YOU IN ORDER OF SHITTINESS.

(SIMON, then NAN, then SWEETHEART)

You! Then You. And I still don't get who the hell you are but I will smite you last!

SWEETHEART. I work at The Highway Club under the name Peaches and last month you tried to get me to blow you for twenty bucks

Oh.

SWEETHEART. Now that we're clear on the extent of your misbehavior, you can stop calling other people stupid when it took a whole lot of ******* to land yourself in this

(To NAN:) Baby wait now, I don't even remember that- I wouldn't do that- Comeonenow.

SWEETHEART. I didn't want to say anything, Nan. Not about him

(To SWEETHEART:) That's why you're doing this? Because I -what- accidentally propositioned you?

SWEETHEART. Because I had no idea you were the same jackass until we showed up here tonight. And because I like the narrative

This's- this is cracked. This is outrageous.

NAN. *A little too Hollywood, re: Simon's line before:) No. That's the best

Nononono-

NAN. I asked if you had a good day, you asked if I was sleeping with Simon, I said no, you smacked my lip, you stared at me, you walked out back, and I locked myself in the bathroom.

Now. Speak the speech I pray you

(KYLE doesn't get it, but tries to do a good job... gradually he remembers that moment and means it all over again...)

Uhh... Dammit. Dammit. I think I hit her. Shit. I didn't really think she was- cause she's always with that guy and I just wanted to hear her say that she wasn't but she had a look like.. I think I hit her harder than... than I meant to. I mean, I didn't mean to. I just got mad. For a second but...

Shit. Snapped.

(Now he might even be in a flashback of that night...)

(Continued:) Goddammit, why did you do that, stupid stupid sonofabitch. That's the worst, the- shit, I swore I'd never -never- but, wait, but my dad always meant it and I didn't mean it and... it was just easy, and quick, but I hate it, and I will never do that again, but it was easy, it was clear, but never again.

Maybe she'll forget. Maybe I'll forget. Maybe...

NAN. Then you came back inside, and knocked on the bathroom door. And what did you say to me?

I said-

NAN. Act it

(Looks at her, crying, truly so so sorry.) Hey. Forget all that. Let's get some food.

(KYLE is truly changed- amazed, broken- the beginning of repentance...)

NAN. Unless you're the guy that gets eaten by the bear.

I don't know which part you're playing

(Soft, tears, sincere:) You should... maybe... go. But I'm so sorry. Oh my god.

NAN. There you are.

Oh baby. Baby please. I know I don’t deserve it but please stay please, let’s start over.
Just you and me. Just you and me and-