Attraction & Close Relationships

Flashcards covering the psychological needs for belonging, theories of attraction, physical attractiveness, gender similarities/differences, and consensual non-monogamy.

Need to Belong

A fundamental psychological need to be close and accepted by other people, acting as a mechanism for regulating behavior to acquire resources necessary for survival and well-being.

Weak Ties

Individuals you are not close to or do not know well, with whom interactions have been found to increase daily happiness.

Loneliness

The feeling that one is deprived of human social connection, serving as a signal that the need to belong is not being met.

• can lead to bigger health problems 9x more deadly than pollutio

Asexual

An identity for individuals who do not experience sexual attraction to anyone and/or are disinterested in being sexual with others.

Allosexual

individuals who experience sexual attraction and/or interest toward others.

A-spec

A spectrum encompassing asexual and aromantic identities, including labels such as demisexual and graysexual.

Aromantic

do not experience romantic attraction to anyone.

Proximity

Also called propinquity, this refers to the physical nearness of others and is a major factor in determining who we form relationships with.

Mere Exposure Effect

Repeated exposure to others increases liking, though this does not occur if the initial feeling toward them is negative.

Reward Model of Liking

people like others who are associated with positive feelings and dislike those associated with negative feelings, regardless of the person's specific qualities.

Transference

A process where we map feelings for a known person onto a new individual because they remind us of the person we already like or dislike.

Perceived Similarity

where attraction increases based on how similar we believe another person is to us in attitudes, personality, or background, which matters more than objective reality.

Fulfills

• cultural worldview/meaning in life

• self-esteem

• self-presentation

Reciprocity

Finding out someone likes you increases the likelihood that you will like them in return.

Halo Effect

we assume that people with one positive attribute, such as physical attractiveness, also possess other unrelated positive attributes.

Averageness

A physical attractiveness finding where digitally averaged faces are perceived as more attractive due to increased familiarity and symmetry.

Rizz

A term for charisma comprised of two components: the ability to influence others and affability, which is the ability to make people feel comfortable or at ease.

• talking to someone in a ore romantic or flirty way

Consensual Non-Monogamy

umbrella term for relationships where at least one person has more than one romantic or sexual partner with the explicit knowledge and

• consent of everyone involved explicit knowlege of everyone in the relationship

Open Relationship

participants in a 2-person relationship have permission to date or have sex outside of that relationship.

Polyamory

having multiple emotional and/or sexual relationships

Can be hierarchical – some partners are primary, and some are secondary

e.g., spouse and others

• “nesting partners” – cohabiting partner

Compersion

happiness or pleasure derived from the thought of one's partner enjoying themselves with another person.

How do we know it’s a need.

1. Needs can be satisfied

Once people have a few lasting and caring relationships, they are less

motivated to form additional relationships (though they still can and

2. When needs are satisfied, people thrive

3. When needs are not met, health and well-being suffer

being single

single people can be just as happy as married people

Other relationships fulfill need to belong: family, friends, etc.

Find meaning in other sources: work, service, friendship, etc.

MIT study

• Likelihood of befriending next door neighbor? 41%

• Likelihood of befriending neighbor two doors down? 22%

• People near stairwells especially likely to make friends in complex

flattery

If someone compliments you, you’re more likely to like them

physical attractiveness

important role in initial attraction

• Attractiveness is easy to assess quickly (esp. compared to other things)

• Rewarding—we like looking at attractive people (even babies do this)

• Associated with status; culturally valued

attractiveness and grades

• More attractive students receive higher grades

• Especially in less quantitative fields—more interaction, more room for subjectivity

treatment of attractive people

Self-fulfilling prophecy: attractive people are treated more positively,

therefore act more socially skilled

• More attractive people do better socially largely because of how the social world reacts to them

Physical features of attractiveness

“Averageness”

• Digitally averaged faces are perceived as more attractive

• Consistent across cultures (within-culture averages)

why attractive

1. Familiarity – familiar faces are more attractive, and averages are

more familiar

2. Symmetry – symmetrical faces are more attractive, averages are

more symmetrical (and otherwise have fewer “imperfections”)

context and attractiveness

Status: features associated with higher status are more attractive

Historically, White people with tans were laborers, so paler skin was seen as higher status → more attractive

• what’s rarer may be more attractive

rose colored glasses

When we like/love someone, many of their qualities are more attractive to us

• Conceptions of appealing qualities can be expansive

evolutionary perspectives

cis straight men prefer “fertile” looking women

• Younger than the men (right age for childbearing)

• the right hip-to-waist ratio (signal related to childbearing)

cis straight women prefer high-status/richer/masculine men, especially during most fertile phase of the menstrual cycle

Menstrual cycle variation is supposed to be “strongest evidence” for evolutionary perspective (vs. culture), but…it’s not very strong

desire for sex

Straight men report higher drive than straight women for sex on wide range of measures

why differences in sex

• differences in parental investment and long- vs. short-term mating strategies

• Cultural/social perspectives: gender roles, norms, safety, power, status, etc.

Methodological perspectives: Self-report differences, biases

bogus pipeline

self-report or fake lie detector, where differences shrink

relationships and need to belong

eed can be met with a variety of interpersonal relationships

• Friends, neighbors, family, coworkers, even “weak ties”

• Monogamous romantic relationships

• Consensually non-monogamous romantic relationships

gender modality

how a person’s gender identity relates to the gender

they were assigned at birth

cisgender

gender identity corresponds to identity assigned at birth

transgender

gender identity does not correspond to identity assigned at birth

transitioning

process of taking steps to live authentically in one’s gender identity

social transition

Social steps to live authentically

• e.g., name change, pronoun change, clothing change, etc.

medical transition

medically-assisted steps to live authentically

e.g., puberty blockers, hormone replacement therapy (HRT), surgery

gender-affirming care

road approach to healthcare and support that recognizes and respects an individual’s gender identity

• Applies to care for people who are cis or trans

policymaking to gender affirming care

27 states have passed bans on gender-affirming health care

for youth (estimated 40-50% of trans youth live in states with bans)