March 23 - Attraction and Close Relationships

Need to belong

• Optimal wellbeing requires close positive relationships

• Fundamental and universal need

• Had evolutionary benefits for survival and reproduction

• Groups share resources and care for offspring

• Help protect against large animals

Close relationships are associated with

• overall greater life satisfaction

• Longer lifespan

• Better health

Loneliness (definition)

Discrepancy between the level of contact with others one has and the level one desires

• often occurs during transitions, may be relative

• Associated with worse life quality and suicidal ideation

4 main factors that predict initial attraction

• proximity

  • Mere exposure effect

• Similarity

  • Age, health, physical similarity

  • Easier to talk to people

• Reciprocity

  • We like ppl who like us

• Physical attractiveness

  • Attractive ppl tend to be more socially skilled

  • May relate to perception of health and fertility

Which factor plays the biggest indicator of attraction

• reciprocity

Mere exposure effect

We like things more when we see them more

Matching hypothesis

we tend to end up with others whose attractiveness level (or desirability level) is simaler to our own

What is beautiful is good effect/Halo effect

• if we see an attractive person we tend to attribute positive traits to them

Shacters Two factor theory of emotion

• we feel things in our body and the we assign an emotional/cogntive value to it 

• Ppl can be mistaken inferences about what is causing them to feel the way they do

• Ppl can misattribute physical excitation in environment for attraction

Why does the passion fade in long term relationships

• We start to feel relaxed around ppl, relaxation and arousal are opposite ends of the spectrum 

• Do weird new stuff together

Implicit Theories of Relationships

• Destiny/soulmate beliefs

• Growth/work it out beliefs

Evolutionary Theory of Close Relationships

Passing on our genes is only goal of relationship

• tools like makeup are used to enhance traits that are genetically profitable

What does Evo Theory of Close Relationshops say about sex differences in mate selection

• women seek resources

• Men seek physical investment

  • Men are more likely to be upset by sexual infidelity (paternal uncertainty)

  • Women by emotional infidelity (loss of resources)

Attachment style

How a person typically interacts with significant others, as guided byy models developed based on early experience with primary caregiver

Bowlby's Attachment Theory

• evolution has ‘wired’ humans to seek closeness and thereby emotional security 

Types of attachment styles

• Secure attachment = happy and trusting in relationships, stable, stay in relationships longer (cry when mom leaves, stop crying when mom comes back)

• Anxious attachment = fearful of rejection, negative self worth, obsession and desire for union (keep crying when mom comes back)

• Avoidant attachment = fear of intimacy, low desire for closeness, less trusting of partner (wont be too upset)

Can attachment styles vary over time

Yes

Investment model

• how satisfied we are in a relationship is a function of costs and rewards of that relationship

  • might feel that ur relationship is better if others around you have worse relationships 

• Satisfaction effects commitment and investment levels in relationship

How do ppl in relationships handle attractive alternatives

• maintenance responses = bc ppl are motivated to maintain relationship so they dampen threat of attractive temptation

  • devalue them

  • Pay less attention

  • Mentioned partner more often

Idealization

ppl in committed relationships tend to idealize partners 

• faults become virtues

• Make partner more positive in their eyes

Motivated inaccuracy

• instances where couples are motivated to be less accurate about their partners thoughts and feelings 

  • can be beneficial 

  • related to lower relationship closeness

4 hoursemen of breaking up

• criticism = complaining abt partner in a way that attacks them 

• defensiveness = défense from real or perceived criticism, no responsibility 

• contempt = mockery, sarcasm, hostile humour 

• stonewalling = actively disengaging from a conversation by looking away, not responding to questions

  • can predict likelihood of diverse over 14 years with 93% accuracy 

Does relationship satisfaction tend to increase or decrease over time

Decrease

Positive illusions and longevity

• For ppl w low idealization of partner, ppl tend to break up sooner

• see their partner as more distance from their ideal

Finkel’s Marriage Suffocation Model

• fundamental purpose of marriage has changed over time, our expectations of marriage have grown 

  • Used to be mostly political and economic

    • Feelings of suffocation develop when expectations are not being met

    • There are lots of expectations about helping partner meet personal growth needs

      • Maybe bc ppl have less friends outside of relationships now

Reoxygenating the marriage

• get some expectations of partner met outside

• Do new things together

• Investing more resources relationships 

  • spend more time together 

  • do activism together 

What factors make divorce more likely

• First marriages have lower divorce rates than second and thirds 

• Divorce is more common in places with greater socioeconomic developments and gender equality 

• people are more likely to divorce if they work in a sector with lots of opposite sex ppl

Fear of being single

• some ppl rly dont like the idea of being alone 

• associated with settling for less in romantic relationship 

• less likely to initiate dissolution of a less satisfying relationship 

Avoidance goals

• motivation to maintain social connections by avoiding conflict or disagreement 

  • tend to be more happy in a relationship 

Approach goals

try to maintain social relationships by enhancing intimacy and fostering relationship growth