exam 2 interpersonal communication

active listening

fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what a partner says

listening talk

responses that show attention and understanding (paraphrasing, asking questions)

incongruous response

a reply that doesn't match the emotional tone or content of the message

sending incongruous messages

when verbal and nonverbal messages contradict each other

changing the direction of the conversation

shifting topics to avoid or redirect discussion

changing the focus of responsibility

deflecting blame onto others or circumstances

changing the level of the conversation

moving from specific to abstract to manage conflict

altruistic love

selfless, giving love focused on the partner's well being

companionate love

deep affection based on friendship, trust, and shared experiences

obsessive love

possessive, dependent, emotionally intense love

playful love

game playing, not serious or committed

realistic love

practical, logical partner selection

love of beauty

passionate, physical attraction based love

intra-psychic phase

internal dissatisfaction; one partner thinks about leaving

dyadic phase

partners discuss problems openly

social phase

breakup becomes public

resurrection phase

partners reflect and prepare for future relationships

trial intimacy move

testing deeper intimacy (sharing more personal info)

on again/off again relationshio

a cyclical relationship with repeated breakups and reconciliations

blend their social networks

integrating friends, family, and social circles

tie sign

public signal of a relationship (holding hands)

secure attachment

comfortable with intimacy and independence

anxious/ambivalent attachment

desires closeness but fears rejection

avoidant attachment

uncomfortable with closeness; values independence

fearful attachment

wants relationships but fears getting hurt

investment model

commitment depends on satisfaction, alternatives, and investments

want to commitment

desire based commitment (because you want to be in the relationship)

have to commitment

constraint based (because you feel stuck)

havee to commitment

moral obligation (because you feel you should stay)

accepting responsibility for the commitment

owning your role in maintaining the relationship

willingness to exert effort in the relationship

actively working to sustain and improve the relationship

perceiving a rewarding future

belief the relationship will continue to be beneficial

indentifying with the relationship

seeing the relationship as part of your identity

inclusion needs

need to belong and feel included

control needs

need for influence or power

affection needs

need for closeness and love

equality needs

desire for fairness and balance

freedom needs

desire for independence

security needs

desire for stability and predictability

self esteem needs

need to feel valued and respected

emotional support

expressions of empathy, love, and trust

informational support

advice, guidance, and info

tangible support

physical or material help

enacted support

support actually provided

perceived support

belief that support is available

optimal matching

support is most effective when it matches the person's needs

give advice

offering solutions

Four Horsemen

criticism - attacking character

contempt - disrespect, superiority

defensiveness - self protection, denial

stonewalling - withdrawal, shutting down

engage in healthy complaints

focus on behavior, not character

engage in relationship assurance

reaffirm commitment during conflict

approach the issue through problem solving

collaborative, solution focused conflict style

remain neutral and equal

avoid power struggles

practice psychological self soothing

calming yourself during conflict

negative problem talk

complaining without solutions

negative solution talk

rejecting solutions or escalating negativity

person jealousy

jealousy about a specific rival

situation jealousy

triggered by a situation (partner at a party)

opportunity jealousy

fear partner may cheat if given the chance

time jealousy

concern about how partner spends time

self serving bias

attributing success to self, failure to external factors

mindreading

assuming you know what your partner thinks without evidence

certain (vs uncertain)

level of confidence in perceptions

hyperpersonal model

online communication can become more intimate than face to face due to selective self presentation

disclosure/self disclosure

sharing personal info to build intimacy

multiple exposure

repeated exposure increases liking (mere exposure effect)

mutual influence

partners affect each other's thoughts and behaviors

share tasks

dividing responsibilities fairly

evasive

avoiding direct communication

passive

not expressing needs or standing up for oneself

familiarity

comfort from repeated interaction

golden ratio

healthy relationships tend to have more positive than negative interactions