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What is attachment? How are attachment styles formed?

Attachment is an emotional and cognitive bond with another person in which the partner is not interchangeable.
Attachment styles form based on how consistently and responsively caregivers/attachment figures meet your needs early on:

• Consistent, timely responses → Secure expectations

  • You see yourself as worthy of love/support.

  • You see others as caring and dependable.

• Slow or inconsistent responses → Insecure expectations

  • You may feel unworthy of love/support.

  • You see others as rejecting or unreliable.

What are the four attachment styles (based on anxiety × avoidance)?

From Bartholomew’s model:

1. Secure (low anxiety, low avoidance)

2. Preoccupied (high anxiety, low avoidance)

3. Fearful Avoidant (high anxiety, high avoidance)

4. Dismissing Avoidant (low anxiety, high avoidance)

What are the four dimensions of romanticism?

Romanticism = pre-existing beliefs about love.
Four common romantic ideals:

1. Love conquers all

2. One and only (soulmate)

3. Idealization

4. Love at first sight

Sternberg’s three components of love (Triangular Theory). Describe each.

• Intimacy – Emotional warmth, closeness, bonding.

• Passion – Physical attraction and sexual/romantic excitement.

• Commitment – Cognitive decision to stay in the relationship.

What are the two types of infidelity discussed in class?

• Sexual infidelity

• Emotional infidelity
  (Note: ludus love style is associated with sexual infidelity.)

Define jealousy. Suspicious vs. reactive jealousy.

Jealousy = The negative emotional experience caused by the perceived loss of a valued relationship to a real or imagined rival.

• Reactive jealousy – A real threat to the relationship exists.

• Suspicious jealousy – No real risk behavior; your partner hasn’t done anything confirming danger, but you still feel jealous.

Common responses to jealousy & which three predict relationship satisfaction

Common responses include:

• Communicating openly

• Increasing closeness/affection

• Self-improvement

• Surveillance

• Negative communication

• Withdrawal
  (Your notes don’t list all, but class research suggests these.)

Three associated with relationship satisfaction:

1. Integrative communication (calm, open discussion)

2. Compensatory restoration (showing more love, improving self/relationship)

3. Positive expression of feelings

What is “fatal attraction”?

A fatal attraction is when a trait that initially attracts you to a partner becomes the trait you later dislike.

Example:

• Funny → constantly silly

• Confident → big ego

• Laid-back → too lazy / always late

Knapp’s five stages of coming apart & what happens in each

• Differentiating – Partners begin emphasizing differences, creating distance.

• Circumscribing – Communication decreases; topics become restricted to avoid conflict.

• Stagnating – Relationship feels stuck; no growth; very little communication.

• Avoiding – Physical or emotional separation; partners deliberately stay apart.

• Terminating – Official end of the relationship.

Duck’s phases of relationship dissolution

• Intrapsychic phase – You privately notice issues and mentally evaluate your partner.

• Dyadic phase – You address the concerns with your partner and attempt to negotiate solutions.

• Social phase – You tell friends/family about problems and seek support.

• Grave-dressing phase – You break up and a “story” is created that explains the breakup and preserves your image.

Nine ways to leave your partner (relationship termination strategies)

Unilateral, Indirect

1. Avoidance

2. Withdrawal

3. Relational ruses

4. Pseudo–de-escalation

5. Cost escalation

Unilateral, Direct

6. Direct dump

7. The Relationship-Talk Trick (pretending to fix things until ending it)

Bilateral, Indirect

8. The fadeaway

Bilateral, Direct

9. The blame game

10. Negotiated farewell

What is persuasive communication? Define response-shaping, response-reinforcing, response-changing.

Persuasive communication = Messages intended to shape, reinforce, or change another’s responses.

• Response-shaping – Creating a new attitude or behavior.

• Response-reinforcing – Strengthening an existing attitude or behavior.

• Response-changing – Moving someone from one attitude/behavior to another.

Define power. What are the six types of power?

Power = Ability to influence others AND resist their influence.

Six types:

1. Reward – Ability to provide rewards.

2. Coercive – Ability to punish.

3. Legitimate – Influence based on role/position.

4. Referent – Influence because others like/admire you.

5. Expert – Influence from knowledge/skill.

6. Informational – Influence through information or persuasive arguments.

Seven principles of influence & how they work

• Contrast – Showing one option makes another seem more attractive.

• Reciprocity – People feel obligated to return favors.

• Obligation – Social pressure to follow through on what you owe.

• Reciprocal concessions (door-in-the-face) – Big request rejected → small request accepted.

• Commitment – People want to appear consistent.

  • Includes foot-in-the-door and lowballing.

• Liking – We are influenced by people we like.

• Social proof – We follow what others (the group) do.

• Authority – We follow experts/leaders.

• Scarcity – Limited availability increases value.

Four ways of resisting compliance

• Nonnegotiation – Brief, direct refusal (“No”).

• Identity management – Framing refusal around your identity (“That’s not who I am”).

• Justification – Giving reasons for saying no.

• Negotiation – Offering alternatives or compromises.

Define conflict

Conflict = An expressed disagreement between interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals.

• Must be expressed

• People must be interdependent

• Goals may only be perceived as incompatible

Four levels of conflict

• Specific, concrete behaviors

• Relational rules and norms

• Personality traits

• Metaconflict (conflict about conflict)

Interaction during conflicts

Demand–withdraw pattern

One partner pressures (“demands”) → the other avoids (“withdraws”).

Escalatory spirals

Both partners respond with increasing intensity; conflict escalates.

Rusbult’s four responses to conflict

1. Exit – Leaving (active, destructive)

2. Voice – Problem-solving (active, constructive)

3. Loyalty – Waiting/hoping things improve (passive, constructive)

4. Neglect – Ignoring the issue (passive, destructive)

Gottman’s four types of couples

1. Volatiles – Passionate, emotional, frequent conflict but lots of positive emotion.

2. Validators – Calm, cooperative, validate each other’s perspectives.

3. Avoiders – Minimize conflict and differences.

4. Hostiles – High negativity, poor communication → lowest satisfaction.

Six principles of constructive conflict management (with specific advice)

• Stick to the topic

  • Don’t bring up past conflicts or new issues.

• Attack the problem, not the person

  • Critique behaviors or positions, not character.

• Avoid bringing others into the conflict

  • Don’t quote friends/family or use biased third parties.

• Avoid saying things you don’t mean

  • Don’t use name-calling, threats, or hurtful statements.

• Practice active listening

  • Don’t interrupt; paraphrase; ask clarifying questions; show empathy.

• Respond with validating messages

  • Acknowledge your partner’s feelings; show that you value their opinions.