Chapter 10 - Attachment

Attachment

the strong emotional bond between an infant and a caregiver.

Example of Attachment

• The rooting instinct ( suck mothers breast)

Oxytocin

• the positive influence on parenting behavior

• it can be called “love” hormone

John Bowbly

• attachment is part of many species genetic heritage, with its evolutionary function being the protection of immature, highly vulnerable animals

three components of John Bowlby

1. Protest - infants create ruckus ( gets parents attention)

2. Despair - infants remain quiet ( also gets parents attention)

3. Detachment - infants behave independently

Mary Ainsworth view on Attachment

Caregivers response will influence the strength of this desire to establish such proximity

What determined Infant + adult attachment Styles

Anxiety and avoidance

• anxiety = low self-esteem

• Avoidance = low interpersonal trust

Secure attachment

characterized by trust, a lack of concern with being abandoned and a feeling of being valued and well-liked

Pre-occupied attachment

Characterized by trust but combined with a feeling of being unworthy of others love + fear of abandonment

Dismissing-avoidant Attachment

low trust and avoidance of intimacy, combined with high self-esteem and compulsive self reliance

Fearful-avoidant

low trust + avoidance of intimacy combined with a feeling of being unworthy of others love and a fear of rejectio

Characteristics of Secure Attachment

• Positive self-esteem

• people are loving + trustworthy of other people they love

• preoccupied with their friends

• Self + others ( increase)

  • positive relationship, easy, adjustment, easily resolve conflict.

Characteristics of Preoccupied

• negative view of themselves

• not worthy of other people’s love

• tend to be obsessed + preoccupied with their friends

• Self ( decreases) others ( increases)

  • clingy, jealous, demanding

Characteristics of Dismissing-avoidant

• find it hard to trust others

• wirthdrawl from relationship when conflicts arise

• confident but don’t trust others

• self ( increses), others ( decreases)

  • distant, aloof, independent

Characteristics of Fearful -avoidant

• self and others - decreases

• anxious, lonely

Self-Disclosure

sharing personal info (intimacy)

• Reciprocal disclosure ( important for creating friendships)

Social Penetration theory

proper pacing of disclosure is important ( no over/under sharing)

• trouble friendships decrease disclosure

• individualist cultures disclose more

  • expressiveness = competenc + uniqueness

Romantic relationships

Individualist Society = greater importance of getting married

Three ways people found love

1. Through Family or Friends

2. Work

3. School

30% of Americans use dating websites or apps

Two Factor Theory of Emotions

based on 2 factors physiological arousal and cognitive labeling of the cause of that arousal

What is compassionate love

driven by attachment system

• active and constructive ( voice, Loyality)

• Active Destructive ( exit, neglect)

Triangular theory of Love

Liking and intimacy ( top)

Commitment ( right hand corner)

Infatuation ( left hand corner

Commitment + Liking/Intimacy

Compassionate ( intimacy + commitment)

Liking / Intimacy + Infatuation/Passion

Romantic Love ( passion + intimacy)

Infatuation and Commitment

Factuated love ( passion + Commitment)

Passionate Love

State of intense longing for union with another

• Temporary phase at start of relationship

• In brain

  • Caudate nucleu + septum ( dopamine)

    • gidiness, pelasure, reward)

• Influenced by biological need to mate

• Can result from excitation transfer = arousal

  • attracrtive, likely person + arousal = passion

Companionate love

affection we feel for those with who our lives are deeply intertwined

• develops from a certainy of each others love and respect

• Enduring

• leads to better physical health, marital satisfaction, child outcomes

• influenced by attachment

  • trust

  • oxytocin

Gender Differences

Men

• Fall in love quickly, love at first sight, relationship = perfection

• fall out of love slowly, less likely to break up

• physical need for sex, more casual sex

Women

• Desire intimacy, feel romance intensely, vivid memory

• jealous if my mate loves another woman

Predictors of Relationship Stability

• approval of family, friends, society

• romantic requity = some ratio of costs/benefits

• healthy self-esteem

  • physical + mental health, pleasant personality

• Partner - enhancing bias in attributions

  • supportive, self-fuffiling

  • empathetic accuracy ( mind reading)

• Playfulness

• Support each other

Gottman’s Four Factors to Predict Divorce

• Contempt

• Defensiveness

• stonewalling

• criticsm