Blithe Spirit - Ruth

Enter

That's right, Edith

Edith: Yes'm

Now you'd better fetch the ice-bucket

Edith: Yes'm

Did you manage to get the ice out of those little tin trays?

Edith: Yes'm - I 'ad a bit of struggle though - but it's all right

And you filled the little trays up again with water?

Edith: Yes'm

Very good, Edith - you're making giant strides

Edith: Yes'm

Madame Arcati, Mrs. Bradman and I will have our coffee in here after dinner, and Mr. Condomine and Dr. Bradman will have theirs in the dining room - is that quite clear?

Edith: Yes'm

And when you're serving dinner, Edith, try to remember to do it calmly and methodically

Edith: Yes'm

As you are not in the Navy, it is unnecessary to do everything at the double

Edith: Very good, 'm

Now go and get the ice

Edith: Yes'm (runs out)

Not at a run, Edith

Charles: No sign of the advancing hordes?

Not yet

Charles: No ice

It's coming. I've been trying to discourage Edith from being quite so fleet of foot. You mustn't mind if everything is a little slow motion tonight

Charles: What do you suppose induced Agnes to leave us and go and get married?

The reason was becoming increasingly obvious, dear

Charles: She could have popped into the cottage hospital, had it, and popped out again

Her social life would have been seriously undermined

Charles: We must keep Edith in the house more (Edith enters)

That's right, Edith. Put it down on the table

Charles: There now!

You took her by surprise

Charles: A dry Martini, I think, don't you?

Yes, darling. I expect Madame Arcati will want something sweeter

Charles: We'll have this one for ourselves, anyhow

Oh dear!

Charles: What's the matter?

I have a feeling that this evening's going to be awful

Charles: It'll probably be funny, but not awful

You must promise not to catch my eye. If I giggle - and I'm very likely to - it will ruin everything

Charles: We can't hurt the old girl's feelings, however funny she is

But why the Bradmans, darling? He's as skeptical as we are. He'll probably say the most dreadful things

Charles: Here, try this

Lovely - dry as a bone

Charles: To 'The Unseen'!

I must say that's a wonderful title

Charles: If this evening's a success, I shall start on the first draft tomorrow

How extraordinary it is

Charles: What?

Oh, I don't know - being right at the beginning of something. It gives one an odd feeling

Charles: Do you remember how I got the idea for The Light Goes Out?

Suddenly seeing that haggard, raddled woman in the hotel at Biarritz. Of course I remember. We sat up half the night talking about it

Charles: She certainly came in very handy. I wonder who she was

And if she ever knew, I mean ever recognized, that description of herself. Poor thing...here's to her, anyhow

Charles: Have another

Darling, it's most awfully strong

Charles: Never mind

Used Elvira to be a help to you - when you were thinking something out, I mean?

Charles: Every now and then - when she concentrated - but she didn't concentrate very often

I do wish I'd known her

Charles: I wonder if you'd have liked her

I'm sure I should. As you talk of her she sounds enchanting. Yes, I'm sure I should have liked her because you know I have never for an instant felt in the least jealous of her. That's a good sign

Charles: Poor Elvira

Does it still hurt? When you think of her?

Charles: I feel rather guilty...

I wonder if I died before you'd grown tired of me if you'd forget me so soon?

Charles: What a horrible thing to say

No, I think it's interesting

Charles: I remember her physical attractiveness, which was tremendous, and her spiritual integrity, which was nil

You can't remember something that was nil

Charles: I remember how morally untidy she was

Was she more physically attractive than I am?

Charles: That was a very tiresome question, dear, and fully deserves the wrong answer

You really are very sweet

Charles: Thank you

And a little naive, too

Charles: Why?

Because you imagine that I mind about Elvira being more physically attractive than I am

Charles: Or perhaps I'm old-fashioned in my view of female psychology

Not exactly old-fashioned, darling, just a bit didactic

Charles: How do you mean?

It's didactic to attribute to one type the defects of another type. For instance, because you know perfectly well that Elvira would mind terribly if you found another woman more attractive physically than she was, it doesn't necessarily follow that I should. Elvira was a more physical person than I. I'm certain of that. It's all a question of degree

Charles: I love you, my love

I know you do; but not the wildest stretch of imagination could describe it as the first fine careless rapture

Charles: Would you like it to be?

Good God, no!

Charles: Wasn't that a shade too vehement?

We're neither of us adolescent, Charles; we've neither of us led exactly prim lives, have we? And we've both been married before. Careless rapture at this stage would be incongruous and embarrassing

Charles: I hope I haven't been in any way a disappointment, dear

Don't be so idiotic

Charles: I shouldn't like you to think that you'd missed out all along the line

There are moments, Charles, when you go too far

Charles: Sorry darling

As far as waspish female psychology goes, there's a rather strong vein of it in you

Charles: I've heard that said about Julius Caesar

Julius Caesar is neither here nor there

Charles: We'll ask Madame Arcati

You're awfully irritating when you're determined to be witty at all costs, almost supercilious

Charles: That's exactly what Elvira used to say

I'm not at all surprised. I never imagined, physically triumphant as she was, that she was entirely lacking in perception

Charles: Darling Ruth!

There you go again!

Charles: As I think I mentioned before, I love you, my love

Poor Elvira!

Charles: Didn't that light, comradely kiss mollify you at all? (grabs hands)

You're very annoying, you know you are. When I said 'Poor Elvira' it came from the heart. You must have bewildered her so horribly

Charles: Don't I ever bewilder you at all?

Never for an instant. I know every trick.

Charles: Well, all I can say is that we'd better get a divorce immediately (I finish drink)

Put my glass down, there's a darling

Charles: It was a pity she died so young

Poor Elvira!

Charles: That remark is getting monotonous

Poor Charles, then

Charles: That's better

And later on, poor Ruth, I expect

Charles: You have no faith, Ruth. I really do think you should try to have a little faith

I shall strain every nerve

Charles: Life without faith is an arid business

How beautifully you put things, dear

Charles: I aim to please

If I died, I wonder how long it would be before you married again?

Charles: You're not the dying sort

Neither was Elvira

Charles: Nobody could call you, even remotely, ethereal

Nonsense! She was of the earth, earthy!

Charles: Well, she is now, anyhow

You know that's the kind of observation that shocks people

Charles: It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit

Write that down; you might forget it

Charles: You underrate me

Anyhow, it was a question of bad taste more than honesty

Charles: I have now - with your help, my love - risen above the whole thing

Admirable. But if tragedy should darken our lives, I still say - with prophetic foreboding - poor Ruth!

Charles: That's probably the Bradmans

It might be Madame Arcati

Charles: She always goes everywhere on her bicycle

It really is very spirited of the old girl

Charles: Shall I go, or shall we let Edith have her fling?

Wait a minute and see what happens

Charles: Perhaps she didn't hear

She's probably on one knee in a pre-sprinting position, waiting for cook to open the kitchen door

Mrs. Bradman: That must be her we passed coming down the hill. I said I thought it was

Then she won't be long. I'm so glad you were able to come

Mrs. Bradman: Do you think there's anything really genuine about it at all?

I'm afraid not; but I do think it's interesting how easily people allow themselves to be deceived

Charles: It lived with us for years (stray)

I sincerely hope Madame Arcati won't produce any livestock. We have so very little room in his house

Charles: I expect so (does she tell fortunes?)

I was told once on the pier at Southsea that I was surrounded by lilies and a golden seven. It worried me for days

Charles: Otherwise she won't play

Also, she might really mind. It would be cruel to upset her

Dr. Bradman: I shall be as good as gold

Have you ever attended her, Doctor - professionally, I mean

Charles: Enthusiastic biographies of minor royalties, very sentimental, reverent, and extremely funny (Ding Dong)

Here she is

Charles: I told her how profoundly interested I was in anything to do with the occult, and she blossomed like a rose

I really feel quite nervous; as though I were going to make a speech

Edith: Madame Arcati

How nice of you to have come all this way

Arcati: I was deafened with bird song

It's been lovely all day

Arcati: Cheers! Cheers!

Don't you find it very tiring bicycling everywhere?

Arcati: Anybody can write books, but it takes an artist to make a dry Martini that's dry enough

Are you writing anything nowadays, Madame Arcati?

Mrs. Bradman: Oh. Mr. Condomine, how can you?

I expect it's dreadfully ignorant of me not to know - but who was Princess Palliatani?

Arcati: Later on she married a Mr. Clarke in the Consular Service and settled down for a while

How did she become Princess Palliatani?

Arcati: Mr. Clarke passed over and left her penniless with two strapping girls

How unpleasant

Dr. Bradman: I should hardly have described it as dull before

What happened to the girls?

Edith: Dinner is served, mum

Thank you, Edith. Shall we?

Arcati: No red meat, I hope?

There's meat, but I don't think it will be very red. Would you rather have an egg or something?

Arcati: Anyhow, we'll risk it

Come along, then. Mrs. Bradman - Madame Arcati - you're on Charles's right...

Act 1 Scene 2

The seance

Arcati: After all, she's only a child

Do you always have a child as a control?

Arcati: Some mediums prefer accountants, of course, but personally I've always found them unreliable

In what way unreliable?

Arcati: In what way funny?

Mrs Bradman doesn't mean funny in its comic implication; I think she meant odd or strange

Arcati: Please don't apologize

When did you first discover that you had these extraordinary powers?

Arcati: You can't count on it

Why not?

Arcati: Time is the reef upon which all our frail mystic ships are wrecked

You mean because it has never yet been proved that the past and the present and the future are not one and the same thing

Arcati: I long ago came to the conclusion that nothing has ever been definitely proved about anything

How very wise.

I want you to leave the dining room just as it is for tonight, Edith. You can clear the table in the morning

Edith: Yes'm

And we don't want to be disturbed for the next hour or so for any reason whatsoever. Is that clear?

Edith: Yes'm

And if anyone should telephone, just say we are out and take a message