Dependent personality disorder

Individuals are…

caring to a fault - put others needs before their own

ever helping and ever giving

live their lives for and through others

are happy when the people they care for are happy

prefer harmony

tend to assume a passive role in relationships - like a cheerleader

these characteristics are prized in our society but…

being happy when loved ones are happy

making sacrifices for others

but under the warm and affectionate surface… they see themselves as helpless and fear doing anything alone

many are incapable of making any decisions without first seeking advice

put their lives in the hands of others and become suffocatingly clingy

behaviors are fueled by

fear of abandonment - cope by submitting to partners wishes and becoming so pleasing that no sane person would leave them

criteria

A pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive and clinging behavior and fears of separation, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts as indicated by 5 or more of the following

1) has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others

2) needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life

• This is self-perpetuating, initiatives are never taken so no confidence in the self is ever developed

3) has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval. Note: do not include realistic fears of retribution

• disagreement is inconsistent with their self-image bc they fuse to another personality

4) has difficulty initiation projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy)

• Result of self-perpetuating cycle

5) goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant

6) feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself

• The ability to take care of oneself has resisted ever being tested

7) urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends

8) is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself

styles:

• The devoted style:

  • Caring a solicitous putting the welfare of others first

• The agreeing style:

  • Built around cooperation, consideration, and amiability

From healthy to pathological

• Healthy and adaptive traits

  • Capable of genuine empathy

  • Unconditionally loving

  • Most trusting of people, unquestioned acceptance

  • Easy to please and demanding of little

  • Charitable and giving

  • Put a positive light on everything

• These healthy traits can quickly turn pathological

  • They fuse their identity with others

  • Hate being alone

  • When relationship ends they feel like a failure

  • Blurred boundaries between self and others

style versus disorder:  has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others

• Disorder

  • Even everyday decisions provoke excessive advice-seeking

• Style

  • Seeks out opinions of others, weighs advantages + disadvantages, but makes the decision based on their own analysis

style versus disorder: needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life

• Disorder

  • Requires that others take responsibility for the largest part of their life

• Style

  • Comforted by the support of others and enjoys their company

  • Can perform adequately without other

style versus disorder: has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of  loss of support or approval.

• Disorder

  • Often subordinate their own feelings and agree with others out of fear of separation

• Style

  • Prefers interpersonal harmony

  • Able to speak up when necessary and hold their ground

style versus disorder:  has difficulty initiation projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy)

• Disorder

  • Lack confidence to start new projects or carry out their own responsibilities

• Style

  • Capable of functioning autonomously

  • Prefers to work in close proximity to others

style versus disorder: goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant

• Disorder

  • Desires nurturance and support to the point of volunteering to perform unpleasant jobs

• Style

  • Considerate and occasionally self-sacrificing

  • Keeps the best interest of others foremost in mind

style versus disorder: feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself

• Disorder

  • Greatly fears being unable to cope when left alone

• Style

  • Prefers the company of others, but can enjoy solitudes

style versus disorder: urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends

• Disorder

  • End of relationship results in a desperate search for a new partner

• Style

  • Nostalgic about lost intimacy but does not immediately seek to merge with another

style versus disorder: is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself

• Disorder

  • Afraid of being left to fend on their own

• Style

  • Enjoys the affection of others as expressed through thoughtfulness

  • Not terrified of abandonment

erroneous belief

• “I need other people – specifically, a strong person in order to survive”

• That their happiness depends on having such a figure available

• That they need a steady, uninterrupted flow of support and encouragement

• “I am completely helpless”, “I am all alone”

strategy

• Cultivate a dependent relationship

• Subordinate themselves to a “strong” figure and trying to placate or please this person

  • Will do anything to placate and often lose themselves