Charlotte's Web Lines (Arable, Templeton, and Lurvy)

Fern: Papa, please don’t kill it. It’s unfair.

Arable: (enter SL shed) Fern, I know more about raising a little of pigs than you do. A weakling makes trouble. Now run along!

Fern: But, it’s unfair. The pig couldn’t help being born small, could it? This is the most terrible case of injustice I ever heard of.

Arable: Oh… alright. I’ll let you take care of it for a little while.

Avery: What’s going on? What’s Fern doing over there?

Arable: Your sister has a guest for breakfast, Avery. In fact, for a little while, she’s going to be raising that pig.

Avery: You call that miserable thing a pig? He’s nothing but a runt.

Arable: Come in the house and eat your breakfast, Avery. The school bus will be along in half-an-hour. (exit SR house)

Wilbur: I chalk it up to good, clean living.

Arable: (off SR) Supper time, Wilbur.

Wilbur: And to good fattening food.

Arable: Okay, pig, it’s time you graduated from a bottle to slops. Skim milk, potato skins, leftover sandwiches, and marmalade drippings. (exit SR)

Ferns Voice: (off) No, Papa, you can’t sell him. You just can’t.

Arable: (enter SR) He’s eating too much. I can’t provide for him any longer. I’ve already sold Wilbur’s ten brothers and sisters.

Fern: Oh, Wilbur. Wilbur!

Arable: Oh, all right. Maybe we can call the Zuckermans. Your uncle Homer sometimes raises pigs. And if Wilbur goes there to live, you can walk down the road and visit him any time you like.

Fern: Oh, thank you, Papa. Thank you.

Arable: Come along. We’ll call Uncle Homer.

Fern: Can Wilbur come, too?

Arable: Why not? Maybe we’ll let him make the call himself. (laughs)

Ferm: It’s not funny. He can talk, you know.

Arable: Oh, Fern. What an imagination! (exit SR and change to Templeton)

Wilbur: I know I’m going to miss living with the Arables, but this place doesn’t seem too bad. It’s a very large barn. And old, I’ll bet. I like the smell. Hay and manure. Horses and cows. It has a peaceful smell… as though nothing bad could happen ever again in the world. Fern was right. It is very nice here.

Templeton: (snooty) So, this is our new resident. That’s right. Relax and enjoy yourself while you can. Oh, yes. They’ll treat you very well. And fatten you up very nicely. Then suddenly one day you wake up and- (make slitting sign across neck)- it’s all over. Oh well, I will admit it’s nice to have a pig around the place again. That means leftover slops for me. I’m sure you’ll find it in your charitable heart to share your food with dear old Templeton. (exit SR)

Wilbur: Yes. They call me Wilbur.

Templeton’s Voice: (off SR) Wilbur? That’s a pretty tacky name if you ask me.

Wilbur: Who was that?

Gander: Templeton, the rat.

Templeton: (exit SR) In person.

Goose: Well I have eggs to hatch.

Templeton: And I have trash piles to raid. (exit SR and change to Lurvy)

Wilbur: Free time! I get everything all beautifully planned out, and it has to go and rain. I’m lonesome. And I know Fern won’t come in such bad weather. Oh, honestly. I’m less than two months old and already I’m tired of living.

Lurvy: (enter SR with bucket) Morning, pig. My name’s Lurvy. I’m Mr. Zuckerman’s helper. I’m the one that feeds you. Time for breakfast now. Skim milk, bits of doughnuts, wheat-cakes with maple syrup and custard pudding with raisins. Yes sir, a meal fit for a pig! What’s wrong with you? We must have a sick pig here. Mr. Zuckerman! Come out to the barn. (exit SR with bucket)

Homer: (enter SR) Now, he won’t like this medicine, so you hold him and I’ll feed it to him. Come on boy. This is sulphur and molasses. It’ll cure what ails you.

Lurvy: Okay, dose him up, Mr. Zuckerman. (exit SR and change to Templeton)