COMM 218 Final (interpersonal communication)

silent listening

nonverbal responses that gives the communicator a chance to talk without interrupution

definition of listening

receiving and responding to others messages

paraphrasing

changing wording, offering examples, reflect theme

guidelines for expressing emotions

recognizing feelings, language choice, multiple feelings, feel vs act, responsibility, time and place

reasons to form relationships

appearance, similarity, complementary, rewards, competence, proximity, disclosure

similarity

take comfort that there are other people like us

complementary

opposites attract, fulfill balancing our universe

competence

want for someone who is smart with mistakes most

proximity

closeness

disclosure

learning about someone else

dialectical perspectives

opposing forces existing at the same time

dialectical tensions

integration vs separation, stability vs change, expression vs privacy

integration vs separation

internal: connection vs autonomy

external: inclusion vs seclusion

stability vs change

internal: predictable vs novel

external: conventionality vs uniqueness

expression vs privacy

internal: openness vs closeness

external: revelation vs concealment

metacommunication

communication about communication

stages of Knapp's model of relational development

initiate, experiment, intensify, integrate, bonding, differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, terminating

initiate

relationship has not started yet, deciding if they are worth your/ their time

experiment

all about disclosure, searching for info/ similarities/ differences

intensify

has some qualitative aspects, doing things together

integrate

unofficially official, people identify you as a unit, incorporate into daily routine

bonding

official, you are a unit, possible engagement

differentiating

reestablish who you are as an individual

circumscribing

communication decreases in quantity and quality

stagnating

no growth, lost enthusiasm

avoiding

expressly detach/ mentally dissociation

terminating

no more relationship, dissociation

climate

social tone of relationship (changes over time)

disagreeing messages

argumentative, complaining, aggressiveness

Gibbs categories of defensive vs supportive behaviors

evaluation vs description, control vs problem, strategy vs spontaneity, neutrality vs empathy, superiority vs equality, certainty vs provisionalism

conflict

can be positive or negative, despite the negative connotation

partner conflict styles

complementary, symmetrical, parallel

complementary

different style, but can work together/ reinforce

symmetrical

both have the same style

parallel

shift between complementary and symmetrical styles

conflict styles

avoidance, accommodation, competition, compromise, collaboration

avoidance

(lose/lose) non-assertive, stay away

accommodation

(lose/win) allow people to have their way

competition

(win/lose) gonna do it my way

compromise

(lose/lose) neither gets what they want, solution is in the middle

collaboration

(win/win) finding an our way, satisfies everyone's needs

self talk

anything said to oneself for encouragement or motivation

fallacies

irrational thinking (perfection, approval, should, over-generalizations, causation, helplessness, catastrophic expectations)

perfection

impossible to be perfect, try to appear perfect

approval

go to extreme lengths to receive approval, may sacrifice self-concept

should

inability to distinguish between what is and what should be

over-generalizations

belief based on little information

causation

belief that we should not do something to hurt someone or upset them

helplessness

belief that someone can't do anything

catastrophic expectations

"if it can go wrong it will"

product of self-fulfilling prophecy

Pluralistic

open conversation with multiple views

consensual

open conversation with high conformity (everyone has same viewpoints)

protective

not an open conversation, one person makes all the decisions, everyone has same viewpoint

Laissez-faire

lack of conversation, everyone has their own opinion, “hands off” approach

emotional intimacy

sharing important information with another person

financial intimacy

part of emotional intimacy

physical intimacy

everyone has physical needs

intellectual intimacy

exchanging important ideas or thoughts

shared activities

people who like to participate in the same activities

maintaining intimate relationships

positivity, openness, assurance, sharing tasks, social networks

task oriented vs maintenance oriented

specific activity vs not specific activity (a type of friendship)

short term vs long term

having a short relationship with a friend vs a long relationship with a friend

When and where does nonverbal communication happen?

transmitting information without words, usually through body language, facial expressions, gestures, and posture.

Emblems

Culturally understood substitutes for verbal expressions (Ex. thumbs up or ok sign)

Proxemics

personal space and communication through space

Territoriality

Behavior of claiming, marking, and defending physical space, possessions, or ideas

How can you detect lying?

Observing behavioral and linguistic changes; like shifts in speech patterns, sudden vocal changes, and avoiding eye contact (not easily detected)

Emotional intelligence

Ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions and be sensitive to others’ feelings

Reappraisal

rethinking emotional events in a way that alters its emotional impact

Rumination

Recurrent, repetitive thoughts not demanded by the immediate environment

Social exchange theory

Unconsciously evaluating our relationship using cost-benefit analysis; seeking our people that provide rewards greater than/equal to costs they encounter

Relational maintenance

Ways of keeping relationships operating smoothly

Dialectical tensions

Conflicts that arise when two opposing or incompatible desires exist simultaneously in a relationship

Metacommunication

Messages that refer to other communication; subconscious cues that carry how a message is interpreted

Conflict

Expressed struggle between 2 or more independent parties who perceive incompatible goals

Avoidance conflict style

Lose-lose, when people choose to deny or not confront an issue rather than facing a disagreement

Accommodation conflict style

Lose-win, when you set aside your own needs to yield to others; driven by high concern for relationships and low concern for personal goals

Competition conflict style

Win-lose, characterized by high assertiveness and low cooperativeness

Passive aggression

When communicator hides their true frustration and avoids direct confrontation; expressing dissatisfaction in a disguised manner (silent treatment, weaponized incompetence, subtle sabotage)

Devil’s advocate

Intentionally arguing an opposing/ unpopular viewpoint that you don’t necessarily agree with; person who takes opposing/unpopular position in a discussion

4 horsemen

Main destructive communication patterns including criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling

Compromise conflict style

Both parties making concessions to find “middle ground,” both get some of what they want

Collaboration conflict style

Win-win, high degree of concern for self and others with high cooperation approach

Complementary conflict

Mutually reinforcing but different behaviors between partners

Symmetrical conflict

Both people using the same tactics/behaviors in a disagreement

Serial Arguments

Repetitive or ongoing disagreements about the same issue without ever really reaching a resolution