Fiona lines Shrek the musical

(Princess Fiona enters)

Oh hello! Sorry I'm late! Welcome to Fiona: The Musical! Yay let's talk about me. "Once upon a time, there was a little princess named Fiona who lived in a kingdom far far away. One fateful day her parents told her that it was time for her to be locked away in a desolate tower guarded by a fire breathing dragon, as so many princesses had for hundreds of years before."

'And someday your prince will come'

Isn't that the saddest thing you've ever heard? A poor little princess hidden away from the world high in the tower awaiting her one true l-

(Fiona in the tower)

I know it's today ooh ooh ooh ooh I know it's today ooh ooh ooh ooh I know it's today ooh ooh ooh ooh

Wake up!

Uhl-uhl-uhl!

Are you princess Fiona?

I am. Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.

Ah, that's nice. Now let's go.

But wait, Sir Knight! I have long awaited this day! And I would'st first like to knowest the name of my champion.

Um....shrek

Sir Shrek. I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude

So where's the door?

There is no door

What do you mean there's no door? How do we get down?

Why the same way you got up?

All right, then let's go

Now holdest on, sir knight. Don't you want to save her this moment? It be-eth our first meeting. It must be a wonderful and romantic scene.

'It would be today'

You did it you did it you did it you did it you did it you're amazing. You're wonderful. You're... A little unorthodox I'll admit but- Thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt

Ahem

And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?

Alright! I hope you heard that. She called me a "noble steed!" She thinks I'm a steed.

Well, Sir Shrek, the battle is won. You may remove your helmet.

Ahhh...no

Why not?

I...I have helmet hair

Please, I wouldest look upon the face of my rescuer

Oh no, you wouldn't... est.

But- how will you kiss me?

Maybe it's a perk

No- it's destiny. " a princess is rescued by a brave night and then they share true love's first kiss"

With Shrek?! You think that Shrek is your true love? Hahahahaha!

What is so funny?

Well, let's just say im not your type okay?

Of course you are. You are my rescuer! Now remove your helmet.

Look, I really don't think that's a good idea.

Just take off the helmet.

I'm not going to

Take it off!

No!

Now!

Okay! Easy. As you command, Your Highness...

You're... an ogre?

Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming?

Well... yes actually. Oh no. I'm supposed to be rescued by my true love! Not by some ogre and his... pet.

Well so much for noble steed.

You're not supposed to be an ogre.

Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He's the one who wants to marry you.

Oh. Then why didn't he come rescue me?

Good question. You should ask him that when we get there tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Oh my gosh, it's almost sunset!

So?

I didn't realize it was so late. We need to make camp.

Camp? But you've just escaped!

Yes, and I found the whole ordeal quite exhausting. I need to rest immediately.t

That's unfortunate, because we're gonna keep going

I need to find somewhere to camp RIGHT NOW!

Shrek! That's no place for a princess.

No, no it's perfect. Well gentlemen, I bid thee good night!

You want me to read you a bedtime story? Cause I will.

I said good night

She seems nice.

"By day one way, by night another - this shall be the norm, until you find true love's first kiss and then take loves true form."

(Finally sees them)

Oh, why good morning men

Uhh, princess, did you by any chance eat a few of those funny little mushrooms by the stream?

Of course not. I'm just happy that it's a new day, full of promise and fresh starts! And the first thing I'd like to do is apologize for my behavior yesterday. We obviously got off on the wrong foot, and I'd like to make it up to you.

You would?

Yes, you did rescue me after all. So I've gathered a basket of berries for the trip, and I made you each a daisy chain!

Uhhh...ihhh

You'll grow to love 'em I promise. Lead the way!

So, Princess, do you often frolic with rats?

And what if I do?

Oh, I don't know, princess-germ infested vermin- not exactly what I expected

Well maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them

Hmmm

So tell me about my groom-to-be. Lord Farquaad. What's he like?

Well, let me put it this way, Princess - men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply.

really

Oh yea but he is a little intimidating.

Well he must be!

And yet very good at small talk.

What are you guys doing?

Yeah, like three feet or so.

Alright, yuck it up. Doesn't bother me. Not today. After a lifetime of misery, things are finally going my way.

Oh, a lifetime of misery, right. Okay.

You chuckled.

Hm?

When I said lifetime of misery, you chuckled

Did I?

Yes

Look, I'm sure it was very difficult living in a dragon garden tower

It was

I'm sure

All right then

Although it must've been nice to have a roof and a cozy bed which is more than I had when I left home

You're not actually comparing yourself to what I endured

I'm just saying you don't corner the market on unhappy childhood's

There are things you don't know you know about me about how rough I had it

What you ran out of shampoo a couple of times

I mean about my life

In the cushy tower of yours

Cushy, are you kidding?

Oops. You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Yoohoo! We're here.

what

Oh wouldja look at that.

What is it?

It's...it's duloc

Oh. Duloc. I didn't realize we were so close.

Congratulations, princess. Your future awaits

Yes it does

Ah well, so much for that batch of S'nothers I was gonna make us.

S'nothers?

No, no sitting down. We need to get the princess to Duloc.

No, wait, Shrek... I, um... Well, look, I may not get another chance to try one of those S'nothers...

Zip it, Donkey.

I was just thinking... maybe Duloc could wait until morning?

Morning?

Why not? I've spent my whole life without true love. What's one more night?

Alright, I'll find us some dinner.

I'll get the firewood.

Oops, were you gonna-

Sorry. That's fine.

I'll go the other-

Okay. Shouldn't we just-

You wanna go around? Go together?

sure

(Lights up on the campfire)

Mm. Mm. These S'nothers are so good

Didn't I tell ya?

They're delicious

And a little nutty, right?

Mm-hmm. I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.

Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you - Swamp Toad Soup, Fish Eye Tartar. You name it.

Hmm. I'd like that.

here we go

Yes... Shrek?

Oh, sorry, I just got caught up in the magic of the night! The fireflies, that beautiful sunset...

Sunset?! Oh my gosh! Sunset! Oh no!! I mean... it's late. It's very late.

Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?

Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.

Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark!

I'm sorry, but I have to go.

Oh. Alright

Goodnight

Princess...princess fiona...princess, where are you? Princess...it's very spooky in here. I ain't playing games

Ahhhhhh no! No! It's okay! Donkey it's okay! Shhh!

What'd you do with the princess?!

Donkey I am the princess it's me. In this body

Can you hear me?! Keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!

Donkey!

Princess...? What happened to you?

"By day one way, by night another this shall be the number until you find true love's first kiss and then take loves true form"

That's beautiful I didn't know you were at poetry

It's a curse. I've had it since I was a girl.

A curse?

A witch cast a spell on me so now every night when the sun goes down I become this... This horrible, ugly beast!

Wait a second, this is perfect!

Perfect?! Donkey, if Lord Farquaad finds out I look like this, he'll never marry me!

So?

So, I have to kiss my true love! The kiss is the only thing that will break the spell and make me beautiful.

But you know... umm, you're kind of an ogre, and Shrek... well, you've got a lot in common.

Shrek?

Yeah, if he knew all this, I think maybe-

No, he can't know! And you can't tell him! Not a word! No one must ever know! Promise you won't tell. Promise!

"Princess. I... how's it going first of all? Good,, good for me too. I'm OK....uh...

I can't think about Shrek. Not now. I'm a princess after all, and look at me! I mean really... Who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? Princess and ugly don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my one true love.

'This morning'

Shrek!...thank goodness! There's something I have to tell you...

You don't have to tell me anything. I heard enough last night

Oh. You...you heard what I said?

Every word. Especially, "who could love such a hideous, ugly beast?!"

But... I thought that wouldn't matter to you.

Forgive me, Princess, for startling you. I am Lord Farquaad.

Lord Farquaad. Forgive me, for I was just saying a short... farewell.

Oh, that is so sweet, but you don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings.

No, you're right, "it" doesn't.

I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?

Lord Farquaad... I accept. Nothing would make me-

Excellent! I'll start the plans...for tomorrow we wed!

No! I mean, ah, why wait? Let's get married today. Before sunset.

What I miss?

Fare thee well, ogre.

And as the warm glow of this setting sun lifts our hearts, so too does the joy of this blessed-

Um... Excuse me... ah... Could we just skip to the "I do's?"

And do you princess fio-

I do

Stop the wedding!

shrek

Fiona - I need to talk to you.

Oh, now you want to talk? Well it's a little late for that. So if you'll excuse me-

But you can't marry him!

And why not?

He's not your true love

What do you know about true love?