Social Psych Final

Forgiveness

breaking bond between you and whoever wronged against you, most misunderstand what it means, doesn’t mean what was done is ok

Forgiveness helps…

the person who does the forgiving more than the person being forgiven

Charlie Kirk and forgiveness

wife forgave shooter quickly (likely to move on), but also refused to go to his trial → breaking the bond

Forgiveness benefits both if…

the relationship continues after the forgiveness

3 times forgiveness is more likely

if it is a minor offense, if the offender apologizes, or if the action was unintentional

3 types of people more likely to forgive

Religious people, people committed to a relationship, people that aren’t narcissistic or self centered

Forgiveness leading to relationships is…

stronger, mostly romantic

Married people…

live longer, happier, healthier lives and more likely to have more sex

To be beneficial, marriage…

has to be a somewhat happy relationship where you get along, conflict every day makes things worse

Single people…

have longer sexual encounters and try more new stuff

Prince Charles said…

‘whatever love is”

2 categories of love

passionate/romantic and compassionate

Passionate/romantic love

strong feelings of longing and desire

Passionate love is…

the initial phase that lasts 1-3 years

Neurotransmitter in passionate love

PEA, makes people appear to be on drugs

Passionate love and culture

found in most cultures but people don’t always follow it through, seen as Western thing only b/c others have arranged marriages, not all cultures see it as good basis for marriage

Compassionate love

mutual understanding and caring

Compassionate love is…

less emotional but necessary for love to last long term

Sternberg and love

agreed with passionate love, saw compassionate love as too broad

Sternberg triangle of love

intimacy (most important), passionate, commitment

shifts over time

Intimacy

feeling of closeness when you have concern over somebody

Commitment

conscious decision to remain together

Who made the original attachment theory?

Bowlby

Attachment theory and WW2 bombing

people who sent their kids out into country to protect them made it worse, not attached to their kids

Stress and WW2 bombing

anticipation of bombing was worse for people in the country than when it actually happened → is tonight the night?

Bowlby’s Attachment Theory + WW2 evacuations?

Separation from caregivers during WWII disrupted attachment, causing protest → despair → detachment, argued “maternal deprivation” could lead to long-term emotional and relationship problems

3 types of attachment by Shaver

anxious-ambivalent, avoidant, secure

Anxious ambivalent babies

clingy, extremely distressed when mother left and wouldn’t stop crying

Avoidant babies

doesn’t notice mom leave or come back

Secure babies

balance of close and distant, took notice and cried when mom left but calmed down and continued playing when she came back

Original attachment theories, husband leaves for business trip…

anxious → 16 calls when lands, continues to harass him when home and won’t let him leave the house

avoidant → doesn’t care, barely talks to him when he’s gone/back

secure → chat a few times and check in

In relationships, husbands actions…

influence how the wife acts

Secure kids…

feel safe, higher self esteem, good grades, well adjusted and persistant

Anxious kids…

have fear, don’t feel safe, likely stem from childhood

Anxiety and avoidance chart

anxious attachment → high anxiety, low avoidance

fearful avoidant → high anxiety, high avoidance

dismissing avoidant → low anxiety, high avoidance

secure → low anxiety, low avoidance

Secure people are…

comfortable approaching others and being vulnerable

Attachment anxiety reflects your…

attitude towards yourself

High attachment anxiety makes you…

worried about your flaws, makes you think you’re not good enough and will be abandoned

Attachment avoidance reflects your…

attitude towards others and how you approach them

Low avoidance makes you…

want to be close with others, comfortable around them

High avoidance makes you…

uncomfortable with closeness

Secure attachment is…

low in anxiety → comfortable with self

low in avoidance → don’t mind being close to others

Anxious ambivalent

too high in anxiety, negative about self

Dismissing avoidant

low anxiety but high in avoidance, tend to have low opinions towards others

Fearful avoidant

low opinion of self and low opinion of others

Self esteem is not related to…

longevity of relationships, don’t really need to love yourself before loving others

Narcissists and relationships

harmful b/c they are less committed to other person, focused on themselves

Self acceptance

being ok with who you are, beneficial to relationships

Good relationships tend to…

stay the same over time

Loving someone more and more each day is…

unrealistic, its better to maintain good relationships to avoid downward spiral

Most expect relationships to get…

better and better

3 parts of investment model

satisfaction, alternatives, and investment

Satisfaction

how happy you are with the person/relationship, increases commitment if high but isn’t the only factor

Alternatives

is there anyone else?

Alternatives and staying in relationships

trying to make partner feel like they’re “lucky to have them” and that there’s no one else out there or better

Alternatives and isolation

convincing partner to stay with them by isolating them from family and friends to prevent a second opinion

Investments

how much you effort, time, etc. you put into a relationship

Sunk costs

things put into a relationship that cannot be recovered

Not honoring sunk costs means…

making decisions based on future outcomes, not past effort (ex. students drop a class or teachers change a lesson plan even after investing time in it)

Students and professors who didn’t honor sunk costs…

had higher grades and higher incomes

John Gotham

relationship expert who studied couples for decades in experiments, could predict with 90% accuracy if couple would stay together based on how they left fights

Couples lasting and fights

let other person save face and treat them as well as a stranger → will last

dismissive and contempt towards partner → won’t last

In relationships, you need…

5 good things to counter 1 bad thing

Men who help with housework…

get more sex → better to be flexible with role in relationship

Relationship enhancement

making relationship better, attributing good acts internally and bad acts externally

Distress maintaining

opposite of enhancement, makes relationship worse by attributing good acts externally and bad acts internally

Breakups often caused by…

more time spent looking at/for attractive alternatives

GLP-1 may cause more…

divorces, people feel better about themselves and think they can find a better partner

People in passionate love tend to…

idealize and overestimate how good their partners are, assume they will always do the right thing

Honesty is best in relationships if…

partners retain their same behavior in front of their partners in acting good and putting their best foot forward (ex. dressing up for dinner each night)

Its good to emphasize both partners’…

good parts but not to lie and make up non-existant traits

People want others to see them accurately in…

small things but not in bigger traits

Attachment is not…

gender specific (but women more likely to be anxious)

Sex drives are…

gender specific

Men and women agree that…

sex and love are two different things

Social constructionist theory

sex drives and attitudes towards sex are shaped by culture and society

Evolutionary theory

sex drive is innate, depends on natural selection

Women vs. men evolutionary theory

women have to have less pregnancies and less partners than men, men can impregnate more women

Why are women choosey with sex partners?

must depend on male for resources when baby is born, need them to stick around

Social exchange theory

views sex as a resource with costs and benefits, both sexes want it but its more dictated by female in relationship

Social exchange theory goes hand in hand with…

evolutionary theory and natural selection

Men have a higher…

sex drive than women, more likely to seek sex without love

Women more likely to seek…

love with sex

Plasticity

how easily behavior is shaped by desire and culture externally

Women are more easily shaped…

externally than men (ex. when wife’s husband dies she adapts to no sex while men would seek out new sex)

Homosexuality in men

have more of a biological drive for it, know they’re gay early on, more research done on it

Affairs, men vs. women

men do them for sex, women do them for relationships

Genders and cheating

men more worried about sexual affairs, women more worried about emotional affairs

Men in affairs and evolution

men don’t want to use resources paying for another mans child

Reasoning for affairs, men vs. women

women almost always b/c of dissatisfaction with their partner, men more likely to have no complaints at all

Traits of cheaters

high narcissism, low conscientiousness (not caring about others and impulsiveness)

Someone high in psychopathy is…

more likely to cheat b/c of high narcissism and low conscientiousness