Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Couples Therapy Model - EFT

Primary mechanism of change in EFT

Creating corrective emotional experiences

These experiences allow partners to interact in new emotional ways that reshape their attachment bond.

Arnold’s Theory of Emotion (Emotion Theory)

Arnold proposed not only that emotions proper (e.g., joy, fear, or anger) are mediated by a process of appraisal; she claimed that this is true for feelings as well, asserting that all emotional experiences, including the most basic, arise from a direct assessment of a situation's significance for the individual.

Order of Emotional Processing (Arnold)

1. Cue – A stimulus occurs.

2. Appraisal – Rapid limbic assessment of the stimulus (Is this threatening or important?).

3. Arousal – Emotional/physiological activation.

4. Reappraisal – More cognitive reassessment of the situation.

5. Action Tendency – Preparation to act or respond.

Appraisal

A rapid assessment of a stimulus (often limbic-system based) that signals potential threat or importance.

EFT’s Five Levels of the Negative Cycle

1. Behaviors

2. Perceptions / Attributions

3. Secondary (Reactive) Emotions

4. Primary (Core) Emotions

5. Attachment Needs / Security

Core Partner Questions in EFT (What they’re really asking)

Partners are really asking:

● Am I important to you?

● Will you be there for me?

● Do I matter in this relationship?

EFT Step / Stage 1

Assessment / Cycle De-escalation: Identify negative interaction patterns and help the coupe understand their emotion cycle.

EFT Step / Stage 2

Accessing Unacknowledged Emotions: Help each partner recognize and express

underlying, often hidden emotions driving their behavior.

EFT Step / Stage 3

Reframing the Problem in Terms of Attachment: Show that the conflict is rooted in

unmet attachment needs, not personal flaws.

EFT Step / Stage 4

Promoting Identification with Disowned Needs: Guide partners to recognize and

claim their own attachment needs and emotions.

EFT Step / Stage 5

Promote Expression of Needs & Create Engagement: Facilitate direct communication of attachment needs, fostering emotional responsiveness.

EFT Step / Stage 6

Facilitate Acceptance of Partner’s Experience: Help partners understand, validate,

and accept each other’s emotions and attachment needs.

EFT Step / Stage 7

Bonding & Consolidation of Change: Encourage the couple to act on these insights,

creating bonding events and secure attachment experiences.

Sequence of 7 stages of EFT

• Step 1 – Assessment & Cycle De-escalation

• Step 2 – Accessing Unacknowledged Emotions

• Step 3 – Reframing the Problem in Terms of Attachment

• Step 4 – Promoting Identification with Disowned Needs

• Step 5 – Promote Expression of Needs & Create Engagement

• Step 6 – Facilitate Acceptance of Partner’s Experience

• Step 7 – Bonding & Consolidation of Change

Purpose of the EFT Tango

Create new emotional experiences in the room.

When is EFT Tango used?

Throughout all stages of EFT.

Move 2 of EFT Tango

Affect Assembly and Deepening

Explore slightly different, deeper, or new emotions,

This involves:

• gathering emotional elements

• slowing down emotional experience

• deepening primary emotions.

Move 1 of EFT Tango

Reflect Present Process (within/between)

Move 3 of EFT Tango

Set up/Create Enactment (pass primary emotion to their partner)

Move 4 of EFT Tango

Process the Enactment (How it feels to tell / How it feels to hear)

Move 5 of EFT Tango

Integrate / Validate / Reflect Process (VOS, VOO, Relationship) “Tie on a bow”

Setting up EFT enactments

When setting up an enactment, therapists should:

• Focus language on attachment-rich emotion

• Redirect if clients move into content rather than emotion

EFT Enactments allow partners to…

speak directly to each other emotionally in session.

During EFT’s Attachment Injury Repair, a therapist’s role is to…

help the injuring partner hear, validate, and express remorse for the injured partner’s pain.

In EFT, the process of Attachment Injury Repair helps couples…

restore trust, emotional safety, and attachment security.

Purpose of EFT Evocative Questions

Used by therapist to:

• Evoke emotions

• Evoke meaning

• Bring clients to the leading edge of their experience

How EFT views emotions

• A rapid response system that organizes behavior for security and survival

• A powerful orienting force directing attention to important needs

• A creator of meaning in social interactions

• A primary organizer in attachment relationships

• The primary signaling system between intimate partners

Empathetic Conjecture (EFT)

Making an empathic educated guess about a client’s emotional experience. This invites deeper emotional exploration.

• Example: “Help me if I’m wrong, but it seems like this might feel painful for you.”

EFT’s RISSSC Technique

Used to heighten and deepen emotional experience

Stands for:

• R – Repeat

• I – Images

• S – Slow

• S – Simple

• S – Soft

• C – Client’s words

EFT’s A.R.E.

Secure Attachment in Relationships - Healthy relationships provide ARE

A – Accessibility

• Partner is emotionally available.

R – Responsiveness

• Partner responds to emotional needs.

E – Engagement

• Partner is emotionally present and involved.