GO BACK TO MODULE 10 & LOOK OVER STUDY GUIDE TO ANSWER Q'S YOU DONT HAVE ANSWER TO

overt messages

• verbal part of communication

• refers to spoken words we share with each other

covert messages

• the non-verbal messages we send each other

• aka implicit messages

• physical appearance, body langauge, actions, and mannerisms

3 things healthy communication seeks

1. seeking meaning → focuses on the decoding part; proper listening

2. seeking clarification → make sure our decoding is accurate and we fully understand the message being sent to us; fail at this bc we fear appearing incompetent

3. seeking congruence → focuses on the sending of the messages

continuous partial attention

modern phenomenon where we only give partial attention to our family usually bc we are distracted by phones, social media, etc.

mixed message

• when overt and covert messages do not match up

• make sure covert and overt messages are lined up

3 types of unhealthy communication

1. controlling communication → when communication is used to attempt to change someone; form: threats, bullying, criticism

2. competitive communication → communication is used to win an argument or appear dominant (more common in men than women)

4 horsemen (of communication) (IN ORDER)

1. criticism → complaint towards the partner rather than the behavior; form: “you always” or “you never” statements

• when one partner continually criticizes their partner over a long period of time it leads to contempt

2. contempt → expression of acting superior to another; form: sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, sneering, mockery, hostile humor

• if couples continue to criticize and show contempt, the will get stuck in a pattern of defensiveness

3. defensiveness → stop trying to listen (decode) and get upset; start thinking of rebuttals/excuses instead of trying to focus on what the partner is saying; leads to an “attack & cover” communication pattern

4. stonewalling → each partner is so sick of the fighting and negative communication, they decide it is easier to avoid each other and all interaction; signals impending end of the relationship

conflict hierarchy

• higher the emotion and tension in the family, the more difficult it is to resolve the conflict

bottom (lowest tension level & pressure for decision)

1. exchange of daily events

2. discussion of ideas

3. expression of feelings

4. need for decision

5. decision making

6. problem solving

7. crisis

top (highest tension level & pressure for decision)

• more severe conflict begins in families at the 4th level

adaptation

• the process through which families and individuals change their behaviors, thoughts, values, and tendencies in reaction to stress

• the change in reaction is to try to restore equilibrium in the family

resiliency

• refers to individuals and families that benefit from stressful events

• coping with family stress is not just about getting through it but it has the potential to benefit families by improving family processes

ABC-X model of family stress elements

A → stressor

• the event that caused change that has potential to cause stress

• can be individual or family level stressor

B → resources

• refers to the resources the family uses to cope with the stressor

• can be anything that helps a family cope with stress (tangible → money, cars, homes, etc.; intangible → personality traits, social capital, time, etc)

• resources will be utilized by families only if 2 conditions are met: 1) the family must perceive that the stressor is stressful enough to utilize their resources, 2) families will only use their resources if they perceive them as available

C → perceptions

• considered the keystone of the whole model

• can refer to either how a family perceives the stressor (A) or their resources (B)

• help us understand why every family may experience and react to stress differently

• perceptions often have momentum in a certain direction

  • few positive perceptions = more positive perceptions

X → stress or reaction

• 1. refers to the actual amount of stress that families feel

• 2. used to discuss the reaction of the family to stressor (what the family does)

• X for a given stressor is dependent on B & C

healthy distance regulation

• promoting individual skills/goals + maintaining closeness/intimacy

• support the unique goals of each child but ensure you have quality time (to promote intimacy)

unhealthy distance regulation

• low tolerance for either goal

• enmeshment

enmeshment

• occurs in families when they have a very high tolerance for intimacy yet a low tolerance for individuality

• members get so close to each other that their personal and subsystem boundaries become very permeable

  • boundaries around family for outside info becomes rigid

• individuals often feel guilty if they do not involve their parents/siblings in almost every decision of their life

• struggle when family members leave the home and start to get married

• either insist the new in-laws become a complete part of their family or harbor a dislike for new spouse

• one of the hardest things for families to overcome

  • see themselves as better than everyone else

  • difficult to get anyone in the family to understand their enmeshment may be causing problems

  • the entire family system needs to change and (re)learn how to have healthy boundaries with each other

sexual fragmentation

• occurs when we share ourselves physically in ways that do not integrate physical intimacy with emotional intimacy within covenant of marriage

• creates counterfeit intimacy

• harmful bc it gives powerful physiological reward which can temporarily persuade us to overlook the serious deficits in the overall relationship

God’s purposes for sexual intimacy

1. procreation

2. expression of love

gender identity

• how we identify ourselves as male or female

• derived from 3 components → innate, taught, and experiences

gender roles

the actions and behaviors we carry out based on our gender identity

gender stereotyping

occurs when we expect certain behaviors from others based on their gender

4 decision making couple forms

1. husband-dominant

2. wife-dominant

3. syncratic

4. autonomic

maternal gatekeeping

• mothers continue to do more child care than fathers, even though both parents realize the importance of father involvement

• speculated that mothers may be ambivalent about giving up their role as the parent with the most knowledge about child care and may not want to share the role of being the primary caregiver

Sternberg’s Triangle of Love Theory

3 dimensions:

1. decision & commitment (cognitive part)

2. intimacy (emotional part)

3. passion (motivational part)

types of abuse

1. physical

2. sexual

3. emotional

4. economic

5. psychological