Marriage and Family Midterm

What is a crucial longing?

This is a relationship that can only be satisfied by the kind of relationship that God offers to us/

What is a critical longing?

A critical longing is the legitimate and important desire for quality relationships that add to the enjoyment of living. We long for this, and function poorly without this.

What is a casual longing?

This is the desire for comfort and pleasure.

• Maleness can be enjoyed uniquely and profoundly in the presence of femaleness

• Femaleness can be enjoyed uniquely and profoundly in the presence of maleness

What happened to males and females after the fall

The full enjoyment of maleness and femaleness was greatly damaged.

• Genesis 3:7 discusses the way that they found that they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

After the fall, what is the gender emphasis for men

Work and provision as well as competence were emphasized for men.

After the fall, what was the gender emphasis for women

God emphasizes relationship and connectedness for the women.

What is the threefold purpose of sex.

1. Procreation - Genesis 1:28, 2:24; 4:12

2. Oneness - Genesis 2:24 (Sex reinforces a bond)

3. Pleasure - Song of Solomon 4:1-7

What are some negatives of pornography abuse

1. An exaggerated perception of sexual activity in society

2. Diminished trust between intimate couples

3. The abandonment of hope of sexual monogamy

4. The belief that promiscuity is the natural state

5. Cynicism about love or the need for affection between sexual partners.

Exaggeration, Distrust, Monogamy, Promiscuity, Cynicism

What are four of the negative impacts of pornography on marriage

1. It increases marital distress, increasing the risk of separation and divorce

2. It leads to decreased marital intimacy

3. A loss of interest in sex

4. Partners feel hurt, betrayed, rejected, abandoned, lonely, isolated, humiliated, jealous, and angry.
   
   Destress, Intimacy, Loss-of-interest, Sad

5. SLID

What do Penner and Penner say about men in a marriage.

Men are the ones that make the difference when it comes to sex in marriage.

What is the most vital part of the man’s role in making the difference when it comes to sex in marriage

Because of the natural differences between men and women, the most fital factor is the man working to build intimacy and keep the passion alive.

What is the way that the man is able to keep the passion alive

Through loving, adoring, and connecting with his wife, this leads to a sexual response from her.

What is the chain of events that comes from a man loving his wife.

1. Adoration allows for her to open up sexually

2. She invites and engages sexually

3. He feels validated

4. Both end up sexually happy

For the sexual attraction formula to work, what needs to happen

1. Both must believe that she is worth it, has the right to be sexual, and enjoy it.

2. Pace matters; relationally slow is better than relationally fast. This allows the couple to be emotionally intimate and connected.

3. Healing from past hurts is a must/ You must deal with past trauma and destructive relationships.

4. Sex is more fun when it is worked for.

What is the world’s view of attraction

It is called ladder theory

What are the two ladders that women have and what are the criteria

The first ladder is the “will date” ladder. This is attraction; physical attraction, competition, novelty

The second ladder is the be friends ladder

What is the one ladder that men have, according to the ladder theory

Would date due to looks and sexual availability

What are aspects of attraction that the humna looks at

1. Physical appearance

2. Intelligence

3. Education

4. Personal Traits

5. Symmetry

What are the stages of dating

1. Attraction/Infatutation

   • Significant differences are hardly noticed.

2. Uncertainty/Evaluation

   • A shift from attraction to doubt.

3. Exclusivity

   • The couple makes a decision to be committed and exclusive in a relationship

4. Intimacy

   • The couple feels relaxed enough to let down their guard and share themselves more deeply.

   • This stage exposes the ugly side of ourselves.

5. Engagement

   • this the celebration of love and commitment

   • They are forming a pact to lifelong relationship

   • They begin to make plans for future and plan the wedding

All Uncertain Eager Indiviuals Engage

What is unique about the uncertainty phase

This is normal and should not result in an automatic no in the relationship.

For the intimacy phase, what is the reason that some difficulties can be experienced.

This can be difficult due to the way that men and women express intimacy differently.

What is the reason that men and women pursue pornography

1. We long for connection with God

2. We try to find this crucial longing through critical longings

3. This all obviously fails, causing us to resort to our casual longing, explaining the pursuit of pleasure over all else.

What does the in-class chart say aout women’s satisfaction in marriage after time?

After 10 years, women become les satisfied with their marriage than theirhusbands even though they start with higher satifaction than their husbands

What are the four main areas that cause problems in marriage

1. Background

2. Gender

3. Sinfulness

4. Personality

What is the reason that men value sports?

They use impact to get relationships.

• Explains competition leading to winning

• Winning shows impact

• It is difficult for men to be losers.

What are the three types of parents and the impact of each style on children

1. Authoritarian

2. Permissive

3. Authoritative

What does fear of intimacy lead to

It can lead to attraction to detached people

What can fear of being your own person lead to?

It cane lead to attraction to of a controlling person

What can the fear of being real lead to?

It can lead to perfectionistic dating

When did dating in public start

1. When America was breaking ties with england (Courtship, Colonial TImes)

2. Courtship in the 1830s to the 1880s and the 1880s to the 1920s.

3. In the 20s, there was the rise of the industrial revolution leading to a surge of woman’s quality rights of political, social, sexual rights.

4. Continuing on, following WWI, women gained greater economic and personal freedoms, increasing automobile usage, leading to transportation to road houses, night clubs, parties, dances, theaters, and restaurants.

What percentage of adults have used a dating app

30%

What are three must haves in a relationship

1. At least one common interest

2. Common Goals

   1. Commitment to grow

   2. Open to God changing you

3. Common Values

   1. Character that shows the fruit of the spirit

What does 1 Thessalonians talk about

My conduct is on par with God’s standards.

1. I will not defraud mydate

2. I will not take that which is not mine

   1. I will guard my heart and stay out of questionable or dark situations

What is first Corinthians 10:31

Whether you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

What is Ketherine Anne Porter talking about

Human life is never free from pain, disappointment, loss, or struggle, so happiness usually does not come as one complete, permanent state. Instead, we gather small pieces of joy, meaning, love, peace, and hope from within a life that also contains suffering.

What are some signs that we are dating because we are lonely or we fear being alone

1. Putting up with disrespectful behavior

2. Giving in to theings that are not consisten with your values.

3. Staying in a bad relationship

4. Smothering with neediness or controlling behaiolr

What are some of the things that we should do when we make mistakes in relationship

1. Talk about it

2. Take responsibility

3. Set boundaries

4. Enforce boundaries

5. Think about the other person

   1. Find someone to be accountable to

What are the 4 Horsemen of the apocalypse from the notes

1. Criticism

   1. starts when complaints are ignored

   2. This is a personal attack or accusation

   3. Slow slide from complaint to criticism is easy

   4. Criticism corrodes the marriage and is generalized; you never, you always

2. Contempt

   1. Intention to insult and psychologically hurt your partner

   2. Coincides for loss of admiration

   3. major characteristic is hurtfulness and all of the positive qualities are forgotten.

   4. Insults, name calling, hostile humor, mockery, bodylanguage

3. Defensiveness

   1. Both are victimized and neither will take responsibility

4. Stonewalling

   1. Refusal to communicate

What can fear of your own sinfulness lead to?

Dating troublesome people

What can fear of neediness lead to

the attraction of passive people

What can unresolved parental issues lead you to

This can lead to attraction of dating someone like the parent you have trouble with

What is the reason that men run or escalate in a fight?

The adrenaline gets released causing a fight or flight response.

What is the most important thing a woman can do in a fight.

It is a soft startup

What is the most important thing a man can do in a fight

They can accept influence

What are the percentage of problems that are solvable

30-31% because 69-70% of problems will never be solved. 

What are the keys to Christian Dating?

1. Become a Healthy Person  

2. See Dating as an Opportunity to Encourage Those Around Us.  

3. Develop a Relationship Rather be in a Relationship 

4. Protect the Other in All 3 Areas.  

What is hollywood’s 4 step formula for relationships

1. Find the right person 

2. Fall in love 

3. Replace your hopes and dreams on this person for fulfillment. 

4. If failure occurs, repeat.  

What are the four steps that repreesent God’s design for relationship

1. Become the right person—focus on the personal growth. Character development precedes relationship success.  

2. Walk in love—practice sacrificial love daily. Actions reflect Christ’s example. 

3. Fix hope on God—seek to please Him through relationships God remains the ultimate priority.  

4. If failure occurs, repeat steps 1, 2, and 3—return to personal growth, continue developing Godly character.