comm 111 midterm 1

interpersonal communication

the complex process through which people express, interpret, and coordinate meanings to meet social goals, manage personal identity, and carry out relationships

conflict

an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals

conflict must be expressed

conflict only exists when every persons perception of the struggle is communicated (verbal or nonverbal)

conflict requires interdependence

two must rely on each other in some way for there to be conflict

emotional intelligence

the ability to recognize emotional states, motivate action responding to these states, and manage emotions in ourselves and our relationships

emotional intelligences requirements

naming and recognizing emotional states, being able to match emotional responses appropriately to situations

emotional intelligence competencies

self awareness, self management (self control, adaptability), social awareness, social skills

psuedo conflict

disagreement that is caused by a perceptual difference between partners and is easily resolved (ascribing meanings differently, goals are mis-percieved, bad behavior)

fact conflict

disagreement caused by a dispute over the truth or accuracy of an item of information

value conflict

disagreement caused by differences in deep seated, moral beliefs

policy conflict

disagreement caused by differences over a preferred plan or course of action (often caused by differences in demographics)

ego conflict

disagreement that results when parties insist on being the “winner” of the argument to confirm their self concept or self esteem (may accompany and complicate other types of conflict, look for negative communication)

meta conflict

disagreement over the process of communication itself during an argument (related to HOW someone is communicating —> separate issue concerning the conflict process itself)

dysfunctional/destructive conflict

when partners in a conflict feel as if they have lost as a result of being in the conflict (harmful to peoples self esteem —> can weaken or even end the relationship)

defensiveness

characterizes dysfunctional conflict and does not facilitate resolution (ex: attacking, defending, hostile withdrawal)

functional conflict

enables satisfying outcomes for each party and is often constructive to the relationship (clarifies differences, moves parties closer, safe outlet for frustration)

integration/polarization

the degree to which two people see each other as enemies, opposites, totally different

confirmation/disconfirmation

the degree to which we treat each other with respect, even when we are angry (do we validate or invalidate another persons worth)

focusing/drifting

the degree to which partners stay focused on the issue at hand as opposed to moving to other problems out of turn

certainty/provisionalism

the degree to which partners use inflexible, absolute language

evaluation/description

the degree to which partners use language which is fact based versus judgement based

four horsemen (gottman)

characterized destructive conflict —> criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, contempt

critical start up (gottman)

beginning of conflict communication, predicts a conflicts end —> hard to shift once a pattern is established (first 60 seconds of conflict can predict divorce)

criticism

attacks on a persons character (more likely to be used by women)

defensiveness

communication aiming to protect oneself from pain, fear, personal responsibility, or new info —> doesnt allow us to listen or acknowledge someones concerns, indicates that we dont trust the other person to refrain from attacking us

stonewalling

when one person withdraws from the interaction, physically or in spirit —> can be used to avoid conflict, avoid exploding, or punish others (men are more likely to use this strategy)

contempt

communication that belittles or demeans, creates a superior, subordinate positioning between two people (big predictor of divorce)

gaslighting

possible 5th horseman? —> attacking a persons words, emotions, or experiences to make them question their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions of an event

escalatory spiral

a pattern of destructive exchange in conflict in which communication becomes intense negative and or angry (often triggered when one person interprets the others communication as negative and escalates quickly)

features of escalatory spiral

interlocking behaviors, damage to parties, damage to perceptions of relationships, typically each party views themselves without fault

triggers

our systems experience a threat and gets activated to take action and find safety (often related to unrepaired wounds from the past)

how a trigger occurs —> manono

stimuli —> processed unconsciously (old wounds triggered, body sensations, vulnerable emotions) —> brain makes meaning (ex: “im stupid) —> some protective behavior is expressed —> partner reacts

attachment styles (bowlby)

infants mental models of whether others are trustworthy and whether they view themselves as worthy of others care —> depends on how consistent and appropriate caregivers are at meeting a childs needs for nurturance

dimensions of attachment styles

trustworthiness of others and basic worth in the world

secure attachment

infants whose caregivers consistently meet their needs for nurturing —> believe they are worthy of care and others can be trusted to provide it

anxious attachment

infants whose caregivers provide inconsistent nurturing —> develop the belief that they are not absolutely worthy of care and others cannot be trusted, become highly attentive to the behavior of others and anxious about whether or not their needs will be met

avoidant attachment

when infants needs are consistently ignored —> they push away the need for others and develop a great deal of independence and self reliance

disorganized attachment

inconsistent treatment from parents, at times loving others rejecting (may include abuse or extreme neglect) and the child tends to see themselves as the cause of the inconsistency, may fear or mistrust caregivers —> kids experience low self worth, lack of trust, difficulty sustaining long term close relationships (relationships could cause anxiety or indifference