week 3 love likes and long term bonds

who says we have a fundamental need to affiliate

(Baumeister & Leary, 1995)

what does lack of close relationships lead to

depression, loneliness, alienation, ostracism, anger, aggression

why are humans so preoccupied with the idea of being in love or close relationships

necessary for survival

we do many things to make ourselves attractive to others

whats passionate love

whats companionate love

passionate-strong feelings of longing, desire and excitement towards a special person

companionate-mutual understanding and caring

difference: -Presence of PEA phenylethylamine (dopamine)

humans form relationships based on two separate systems. What are they?

attachment system-gender neutral

sex drive-focus on sex (procreation)

Love comes from attachment drive; independent of gender.

what are the 3 main theories of sexuality/attraction

-Social constructionist theories-culture dominate force behind sexual practice

-Social exchange theory-economic market place of sex-women have it men want it

evolutionary theory- gender differences based in reproductive strategies (natural selection & sexual selection)

whats interpersonal attraction

and

what causes it

we often have a 'gut' reaction to a person

caused by:

physical factors (context)

apperance

proximity

psychological factors

attitude, similarity

mutual liking

what did Hatfield et al 1966 find about physical attraction and personality

made people complete personality test to match the person to them for a dance

- people with attractive dance partners most satisfied

what are the bennefits of being attractive

•More likely to get dates (Berscheid et al., 1971)

•

•Get better marks at university (Mandy & Sigall, 1974)

•

•More likely to be successful in job interview (e.g., Dipboye et al., 1977)

•

•Likely to earn more money (e.g., Frieze et al., 1991)

•

•Likely to be treated better in the legal system (Downs & Lyons, 1991)

-'beauty is good' effect- sterotypes that attractive people possess other socially desirable traits in addition to their looks

what are downsides of being attractive

stalking, bullying, avoidance

what was found about average faces (Halberstadt et al., 2005; Winkielman & Halberstadt, 2006)

they are seen as more attractive.

evolutonary reasons:

face symetrcy

biological 'quality'

•A more diverse gene pool

•A stronger, better mate

•More fertile (possible ....)

HOWEVER large variation in ehat we find attractive but we tend to agree even across cultures ((Langlois & Roggman)

BUT

what are the gender differences in finding people attractive

women focus on status while men focus on youth and beauty

•Fertility and status

•When ovulating, women prefer the smell of t-shirts worn by symmetrically-faced men

•Ovulating strippers earn more tips

•Women rated as more attractive when at their most fertile

•Preferences are driven by biological factors

whats the matching phenomenon

•People tend to be attracted to others who are about the same level of physical attractiveness as themselves

•People prefer faces that look like their own (Little & Perrett, 2002)

HOWEVER if different they can exchange eg young woman wants rich man rich man wants young woman.

people as like people that are familliar- propinquity effect Festinger et al 1950- (closer to neighbours that live close)

what was found about proximity and familiarity

(The propinquity effect)

Dorm Study (Festinger, Schachter, & Back, 1950)

300 residents listed closest friends in neighbourhood.

one door way away= 41% chance being listed as a close friend.

As number of doors increases, chances decrease; four doors away only 10% likelihood

=becuase we tend to like things that are familliar to us repeated exposure increases liking or decreases it

whats the mere exposure effect (Zajonc, 1968,2001)

•The more we are exposed to them, the more they become familiar

•If there is no harm, familiarity => liking

••Proximity leads to exposure leads to familiarity leads to liking (Zajonc, 1968)

•When an initial reaction is negative, repeated exposure will decrease liking ("social allergy").

•When an initial reaction is positive, repeated exposure will increase liking (Swap, 1977)

psysiological arousal: whats dutton and Arons study

•Male participants completed a questionnaire

•Asked to cross a shaky or stable bridge to pass it to the experimenter (male or female)

•DV - whether the participants called the experimenter with further queries about the study

•called attractive female researcher

what was found about evolution and social bonds

Social bonds boosted our ancestors' survival rates. These bonds led to the following:

1.Protecting against predators, especially for the young.

2.Procuring food.

3. Reproducing.

-so evolutionary we dont want solitude •Some people prefer to be alone (Craig et al., 1999)

•Note though that no one likes to be forced to be alone!

what is the need to belong theory (NBT; Baumeister & Leary, 1995)

•Wanting to Belong: The need to belong colors our thinking and emotions.

•Social Acceptance: A sense of belonging with others increases our self-esteem. Social segregation decreases it.

•Maintaining Relationships: We resist breaking social bonds, even bad ones (Think of abusive relationships).

Ostracism: Social exclusion leads to demoralization, depression, and at times

Two ingredients for belongingness- Regular social contact with others- close stable, mutually intimate contact

having one without the other= partial satisfaction

what are couples that are simillar like

-spouses tend to be simillar in iq, physical attractivness,education, SES

-couples more similar in attractivness more likley to progress t committed relationship

what are some studies about similar couples

aka allows dGalton (1870/1952)

Wives' and husbands' attitudes are more similar than would occur by chance

Newcomb (1956, 1961)

•University students rated the attractiveness of their peers

•Peers with similar attitudes and values were rated more attractive

•Byrne's (1971) law of attraction

•Attraction is directly and linearly related to the proportion of attitudes shared

•Reinforces existing attraction

•Balance theory (Heider, 1958)

•People compare their attitudes with others and reach balance if there is similarity

•Balance enhances positive feelings and attraction

•Attitude dissimilarity causes imbalance

OR

allows for balence to happen

mimicking increases liking (chameleon effect Chartrand and Bragh)

why does it matter that people have similar attitudes to us?

Social comparison (Festinger, 1954)

•One way to evaluative validity of our own attitudes and beliefs is to compare them to others' attitudes/beliefs

•Other people share belief, suggests belief has some basis

•This makes us feel good

Evolutionary reasons

•Its adaptive to like similar others

•Dissimilar others may present danger to survival

what was found about culture in dating

•Many aspects of attraction appear universal

•However, people prefer generally to date within their own ethnic group (Liu et al., 1995).

•Social factors such as family approval are also important determinants of attraction

theories of attraction: why do we stay with bad people?

•Social exchange theory

•Economic approach based on relationship 'costs' and 'rewards'

•Because we're getting something out of it.

•

•Equity theory

•Outcomes need to be proportionate to contributions

•People want fairness---

•we stay if it feels fair

•

•Reinforcement

•We like people who are associated with positive feelings

•Even if they have nothing to do with the reward

•They make us feel good

what are the different types of relationships

•Exchange relationships

•More frequent in broader society

•Increases societal progress and wealth

•Communal relationships

•More frequent in close intimate relationships

•More desirable, healthier, and mature

•

•(experiment let partners work on solving puzzles (Clark, 1984)

what are the two types of love

passionate love -Strong feelings of longing, desire, and excitement toward a special person

-•The feeling of being 'in love' (Berscheid, 1997)

-•Biological components

•Release of dopamine associated with rewards (Aron et al., 2005)

•Activates the brains reward system

Companionate love-Mutual understanding and caring

-•Deep, secure feelings (Hatfield, 1987)

-•Common in relationships that were once passionate

whats Sternbergs theory of love 1988

•Love can be mapped onto a triangle involving...

•

•Intimacy

•

•Passion

•

•Commitment

culture: what did Gupta & singh find about arranged marrages (1982)

while love started out stronger in regular marragies it got weaker overtime, WHILEEEEEEEEE arrange started weak and gotten stronger

what do theorists say about maintaining relationships

•Commitment is the wish or intention to stay in a relationship (Adams & Jones, 1997)

•Dedication to partner

•Positive attraction to partner or relationship

•Perception that leaving the relationship will be too costly

•

•Rusbult's (1983) investment model of commitment

•People weigh up the rewards, costs and comparisons

•May explain why people stay in abusive relationships