Tanya - Mamma Mia Lines

(LIGHTS UP IN COURTYARD, FIRST ENTRANCE)

Oh God - how much further in these stinking stilettos?

ROSIE: What did you expect - the chauffeured limousine at the water’s edge?

Yes. Donna knows I don’t do walking…

ROSIE: For one night….

And one night only, Donna, and the Dynamos!

Donna: Much better for seeing the two of you. God, Tanya - eight friggin’ years!

I know, honey, I’m sorry. It’s just been one jet setting millionaire after another.

ROSIE: Sophie Sheridan! You get more gorgeous every time I see you. Don’t I get a big, fat hug? I’ve come all this way for your wedding?

I bet you don’t remember me.

SKY: Hi. I’ve heard lots about you two.

All bad I hope.

PEPPER: Yassu Kukla Moo. Pass E-Say.

Efkhareesto pole dhen knee teepota

EDDIE: Don’t bother, he doesn’t speak Greek. My name is Eddie. Bonjour Madam.

Bonjour Eddie, enchante de fair votre connaisance

PEPPER: They call me Pepper.

Why? Because you’re hot?

DONNA: Tanya meet Pepper and Eddie - my bar-staff, waiters, boat-men, and general help. Only they’re generally no help at all - don’t you two have any work to do?

Honey, the Taverna looks fabulous.

DONNA: We’ve got Sky to thank for that.

Why, what have you been up to?

ROSIE: Gambling millionaires - maybe a few of your ex-husbands aboard, Tanya?

I don’t think so, honey, I spent their millions.

(SCENE 4, DONNA’S ROOM)

Heads.

ROSIE: Blow, don’t suck.

All right, let’s see what you’re wearing for the wedding. You’re joking!

ROSIE: What? Oh - as if!

Well. You could have been making some sort of statement on the tyranny of wedlock.

ROSIE: You’d know more about that than me.

Oh darling, you’ll meet your Mr. Right.

ROSIE: I have. I did… and all they wanted was to settle down and have babies. No thanks.

No… Children can become such subversive little buggers. I mean, who’d have thought that Donna, the icon of female independence, would have a daughter committing matrimony at twenty.

ROSIE: White weddings are trendy.

What’s wrong with these kids? Do you remember those t-shirts we used to wear? Marriage is an institution

ROSIE: For people who belong in an institution.

Girls today seem to think that a woman’s greatest achievement is getting a man.

ROSIE: You’ve had three husbands.

I rest my case.

ROSIE: Ooh, look.

Oh my Lord! Oh. We were so young.

ROSIE: I don’t know what the gals at the ‘Whole Woman’ Press would say about my outfit.

Hey - we should do a number tonight for Sophie’s party.

DONNA: I must find her. Now.

Da-Dah!

Donna: It’s her Dad.

Whose Dad?

DONNA: Sophie’s. You know how I always said it was Sam, the architect who went home to get married…

…bastard…

DONNA: … well, I’m not really sure it was him. Y’see, there were a couple of others…

Donna Sheridan! You dark horse!

DONNA: ‘Cos I didn’t think I’d ever have to, I didn’t think all three’d be sitting in my bar the day before their daughter’s wedding!

What!

ROSIE: I can’t see anyone. Who are they?

Are you sure?

DONNA: Of course I’m sure. You think I’d forget my daughter’s Dads? It’s Sam, Bill Austin, and Harry ‘Head-Banger’.

Not…?

ROSIE: It is very Greek.

Do they know?

DONNA: They can’t know - I’ve never told anyone - why are they here to ruin Sophie’s wedding?

I thought you weren’t keen on this wedding…

ROSIE: No, you’re not, keep calm. You’re safe this evening - it’s a male-free zone at Sophie’s party. And tomorrow - Tanya and I will take them fishing.

Fishing? Oh, please!

ROSIE: What do you suggest we do with three men?

Oh, now that takes me back.

DONNA: Oh sure - it’s a laugh and a memory to you two, but I was the one who got pregnant. I suppose this just about serves me right.

Oh my God - you sound just like your mother.

DONNA: I do not!

Yes - you do! Whatever happened to our Donna? Life’n soul of the party, El rock chick supremo?

DONNA: She grew up, that’s all.

Ooh, well grow back down again. You haven’t done anything to be ashamed of…

(SCENE 6, THE COURTYARD - SOPHIE’S BACHELORETTE)

Ladies! Are there any ladies here tonight? For one night and one night only - The Summer Night Taverna is proud to present the world’s first Girl Power Band, live before you, in all its grown-up wrinkly glory-

ROSIE: Speak for yourself.

One night - one number - that’s all we’ve got the breath for - Give it up for - DONNA AND THE DYNAMOS!

PEPPER: Signora. This should tickle your taste-buds.

Yes - but will it cure my hangover?

PEPPER: You should look in the mirror, baby - you’ve just cured mine.

Down boy. I’m old enough to be your mother.

HARRY: Oh?

Harry!

HARRY: What time is it? Shouldn’t you be getting ready?

Oh don’t worry about me, Harry. I’ve got loads of time. There’s nothing worse than sitting around in your panty hose for hours.

HARRY: Donna must be tearing her hair out doing the wedding on her own… what would the bride’s father usually do?

Well, he’d usually pay - though my Dad drew the line at my third.

HARRY: Did he… say anything beforehand - words of advice, that sort of thing?

Yes - there I’d be in my cupcake dress all ready to trip down the aisle and he’d whisper ‘Don’t worry, doll, I know a good lawyer.’ Why are we talking about my dad?

HARRY: I think I’ll go back to my room. Too much sun.

Oh, Harry - don’t go…

PEPPER: Tanya - why don’t we catch up from last night?

I’ve drawn a veil over last night. Last night never happened.

EDDIE: You just can’t seem to find good help these days. (ROSIE HOLD UP A FISH)

Is that all you caught?

ROSIE: You do? Well then you’ll know how to pepper my snapper.

Good God - three hours to blast-off. Come on, girls, we’ve got work to do.

PEPPER: Work?

On my face, sweetie. A little repair and renovation.

PEPPER: Tanya cannot ignore the chemistry between us.

Little boys who play with fire get their fingers burned.