Italian American Reconciliation

Janice. Janice. Janice.

Who’s that?

It’s Aldo. Scalicki.

What are you doing in my backyard?

Somebody send you flowers?

Yes.

Very nice.

They’re from Huey.

How you know that?

I know.

I sent the flowers.

You? Why would you send me flowers?

I sent them for Huey.

Can’t even manage to send his own flowers.

What d’you mean?

He’s hapless. He’s a buffoon.

He’s my best friend.

That’s your problem.

it’s a shame you destroyed them like this.

They were dead anyway.

They’re not really destroyed.

Why are you here?

Huey asked me to come.

Why?

He wants to patch it up with you.

Patch up what?

What’s so funny?

Think about it.

You wanna come down?

No.

Janice, Janice, Janice

What?

We’ve seen some stuff huh?

What are you talking about?

Member when we were kids? …Die! Die!

I remember.

You were some nutty little girl.

You were a jerk.

I was very innocent.

You were a jerk.

I was supposed to be a jerk

You did it perfectly.

Janice Janice Janice

Why do you keep saying that?

We’ve been around the block a few times.

Aldo. You are still the same hammerheaded clown you always were. Are you trying to be smooth? You come here outta no place. You send flowers. You say Janice, Janice, Janice. Am I supposed to be getting the idea? How ‘bout just spitting it out?

Huey wants to make it up with you.

Why are you saying this? Where’s Huey?

He sent me first.

Oh, I get it. He always was a coward.

Huey is not a coward.

Huey always was a coward, and you always were a stooge. If he wasn’t a coward he’d be here in his own shoes speaking his own words. If you weren’t a stooge you wouldn’t be standing in somebody else’s love scene. Ain’t you got no girl of your own.

I got girls comin out of my ears.

What a picture.

I didn’t come here to talk about me.

That’s cause you’re a stooge.

You can be a very difficult woman to talk to, Janice.

Really?

You are so…nasty.

I am?

Your eyes look like vampire monster vulture fiend eyes.

They do?

I was afraid you were gonna bite me.

Really?

You’re not angry?

Why would I be?

I might be insulting.

I’m not insulted.

I expected to have to do a lot of lying tonight.

Why?

You know.

No, I don’t.

Romance. Lies.

I like the truth.

You think that’s funny?

Yeah. Don’t you?

I thought you’d be like the last person in the world to get the joke.

You don’t know me Aldo.

I guess not.

You always amazed me. Why’d you let me stab you and bury you and treat you like a dog?

I don’t know.

You oughta think about these things.

I still don’t know.

You still don’t get it, do you? I was flirting with you.

That was flirting?

Sure.

You were treating me like I was the snake in the apple tree.

You just didn’t get it.

I woulda gotten it if you did it right.

You would have gotten it if you weren’t so stupid.

Alright. Anyway, thanks.

For what?

I don’t think you’re nasty.

I am, though.

You don’t have big teeth and you’re not gonna bite me.

I might.

I’m gonna make a real effort to remember that from now on.

Don’t bother on my account.

Have you ever felt like that since?

Never.

You must have thoughts like that. On occasion.

Never.

I have a fantasy life, you know.

Do you?

from time to time, you appear there..

Aldo, are you hitting on me?

Maybe I am.

This is too delicious.

What d’you mean?

You’re supposed to be here for Huey.

How ‘bout I come upstairs and we rip up the bed a little?

Just like that.

That’s right. Impulsive.

Alright. What the hell.

Really?

I’ll come down an open the door.

That was easy.

Aldo.

Holy moly!

You dunce! You oaf! You slimey sewer rat. Damn it. Look at that. I burned my finger. What do you take me for you comical boob? Am I not supposed to see through you? You’re like cellophane! Let’s rip up the bed a little bit. God!

Don’t shoot me!

I can’t my gun broke.

You shot a gun at me.

Don’t be obvious.

You tried to kill me!

I burned my finger. That’s what I get for using zip guns. Next time it’s Smith and Wesson.

You committed attempted murder on me.

I was aiming at your kneecaps.

I should come up there and give you a spankin!

Oh yeah? Try it. I’ll cut your heart out.

Why have you always shown this desire to want me to be dead?

Because you have never taken me seriously.