COM 130H Exam #2

Ambiguous Language Definition + example

It could mean more than one thing ex: “I saw a girl duck”

Relative Language Definition + example

Requires comparison ex: “The resturant isn’t THAT expensive”

Evaluative Language Definition + example

Language that makes people feel evaluated/judged ex: She is thrifty vs. She is Cheap

Defensive Language Definition + example

Makes a person feel attacked ex: “You are so insensetive!”

Vaguness and Ignorance in language definition

we just do not know some things and people do not realize how vague they are

Vaguness and Manipulation in language definition

Purposefully vague so that people react in the way we want to

Problems with language (3)

1. Ambiguous vs. Relative

2. Evaluative vs. Defensive

3. Vagueness

What are the top three reasons people are vague

1. Ignorance

2. Fear

3. Manipulation

What does effective “I-Messages” entail + ex:

Taking responsibility/accountability for our language rather than blaming ex: Do NOT say “You MADE me feel like this”

Formula for effective I-messaging language (4)

1. Description of problem (When this happens)

2. Emotion (I FEEL)

3. Because (Reason)

4. Would you please (Ask for what you want)

Describe instead of

Evaluating

Respect rather than

Attacking

How to validate an Emotion (2)

1. Identify the emotion

2. Offer justifaction for feeling that emotion

When should we validate?

Anytime an emotion is present

Reasons we stop listening (5)

1. We assuming we know what they are going to say

2. How we can prove them wrong

3. How we can “one up” them

4. Remembered something really cool

5. We began rehearsing our response rather than listening

Why we stop listening short definition

When we pay attention to one stimuli our brain shuts down neurons to other stimuli

Emotions are not

Good or bad or logical they just are

How can we increase trust in our relationships

By maintaining honesty and sincerity, this means not sugarcoating the truth to spare feelings

Functions of Non-verbal communication: Subsituting + example

Using a non-verbal gesture to replace a verbal gesture ex: Doing a thumbs up instead of saying “Yes”

Functions of Non-verbal communication: Emblems + example

Subsitutes for words, body movements with specific verbal translation ex: Making a zero with your hands

Functions of Non-verbal communication: Illustrator + example

Accompanying your verbal message with a physical movement ex: Saying “Things are looking up” and turning your head up to the sky

Functions of Non-verbal communication: Regulators + example

Montor, maintain, or control the speaking of another individual ex: Nodding your head while someone talks to show you’re listening

Functions of Non-verbal communication: Affect Displays + example

Facial movements that convey emotional meaning ex: Scrunching my face when angry

Functions of Non-verbal communication: Adaptors + example

Unintentional movements to satisfy physical needs (self adaptors), reponses to other behaviors (alter-adapotors), messing with physical objects (Object-adaptors)

What is the facial feedback hypothesis?

That our facial expression affects our physiological arousal (When we smile we are happier)

Oculesics definition

Study of messages communicated by eyes

Spiral of Silence Theory

In silence your more likely to voice agreement than disagreement

Proxemics

Space in interpersonal communication

What are the four proxemic distances

1. Intimate

2. Personal

3. Social

4. Public

Intimate Distance

0 to 18 inches

Personal distance

1 ½ to 4 feet

Social Distance

4 to 12 inches

Public Distance

12 to 25 + feet

Expectancy Violations Theory

Decreasing/Increasing the distance between yourself and another in an interpersonal reaction because of an expectations of what is appropriate, if someone violates this expectations you seek or give the violation an explanation ex: Someone you do not know stands too close and you assume they must have a crush on you

What is chronemics

The study of temporal communication, the use of time, organize of time, reaction to time, and how time messages are communicated through over time

Functions of Non-verbal communication: Accent + example

Used to emphasize a the verbal portion of the communication ex: Looking longingly in someones eyes after saying “I love you”

Functions of Non-verbal communication: Complement + example

Adds nuances to the meaning of the message that are not communicated through verbal ex: Luaghing while telling a funny story

Functions of Non-verbal communication: Control + example

Indicate the flow of verbal messages ex: Pursing your lips or making a hand movement to show you want to speak

Functions of Non-verbal communication: Repeat + example

Restating the verbal message with non verbal gesture ex: “Lets head out” and a beckoning motion

Immediacy Definition

Creation of closeness or sense of togetherness between a speaker and listener

Tie signs definition + example

Signal of the closeness of a relationship with another ex: Holding hands with your partner

What word should you NEVER say?

“Exactly”, “I know EXACTLY how you feel”

What term should you use rather than “exactly”

Similar

After validation Feedback steps (if validation is given correctly/rarely) (3)

1. Always ask if its okay first

2. Keep it short

3. End with more validation

Listening is a ___

Choice (intentional)

Barriers to effective listening (4)

1. Selective

2. Defensive

3. Ambushing

4. Literal

Barriers to effective listening: Selective Listening Definition + example

Choosing to only listen to things relevant to us ex: Zoning out in class and only choosing to pay attention when the teacher says “This will be on the final exam”

Barriers to effective listening: Defensive Definition + example

Taking things personally when they aren’t meant to be personal ex: “You look so healthy” → are you calling me fat?

Barriers to effective listening: Ambushing Definition + example

Listening for a specific thing to focus on/setting up a conversation trap ex: Gotcha moments

Barriers to effective listening: Literal Listening Definition + example

Only listening to the specific words and not applying the situation or context to them ex: Memorizing lecture notes but being unable to actually apply the concept in real life

What makes something an invalidating response?

It tells someone not to feel the emotion they are feeling

What does “Meanings are in people” mean?

Words are what create our perceptions, if we do not have a word for something it does not exist to us and therefore words influence peoples thoughts